Tag Archives: working out

Learning How to Actively Take Care of my Body Without Hating It

As a lady who lives on Earth, I have some body issues. Luckily, these didn’t really start for me until I was 17 (which is apparently, and distressingly, a pretty late age to begin worrying about this stuff, considering that some start as young as 9 years old.)

The Old

So, what happened at age 17? The birth control pill. Over the course of the first two to three months I was on it, I gained 20 pounds. I was definitely never skinny to begin with, but this was the first time I thought of myself as actually “fat.” Before the year was out, I was on Weight Watchers and I stuck to it pretty diligently. I lost that 20 pounds after following the program for a few months but even though the scale said 145, I still looked in the mirror and felt 165. And, yet, despite insisting that the fat-free ice cream (which, as someone who has since made her own ice cream—how is that created??) tastes just as good as the regular,  religiously checking the calorie count on all the breads at the supermarket and weighing that against the size and density of the slices, going to bed hungry and looking forward exclusively to eating in the morning, I was done.

Policing one’s weight is hard work. I didn’t want to do it anymore. But I had been raised to be a hard worker, to not quit just because I haven’t succeeded, and to excel at all the things I do. So a few months later, I tried again, with some other plan. And then another. And another. They really all blurred together over the next six years or so. But in trying and failing to lose weight, I gained it. And kept gaining. Sometimes, just deciding to count calories again would be enough and I wouldn’t even lose anything, just start to slowly gain. I would constantly berate myself with the pinpoint-accurate, harsh criticism that only I can inflict on myself. Too bad fat shaming doesn’t actually motivate weight loss and actually predicts weight gain instead, ‘cause that’s what happened.

It took a long time to realize that my sizeism was hurting me. (How interesting—there is a red squiggly line under this word. “Did you mean ‘sexism’?” Microsoft Word asks. No. Then again…) It took even longer to realize that the reason I had trouble (strike that, have trouble) letting go of my sizeism is because that would mean that I would have to reject that idea that if I were just less lazy and weak-willed, I could be better. To accept the idea that I’d been going about it all wrong for five freaking years. But I had been.

Dieting does not work. Not even if you don’t call it a diet. Not even if you are just “trying to eat healthier” or “just eating whole foods” or “counting calories.” It is actually, as that last link explains and my body can tell you firsthand, a predictor of future weight gain. Because, of course, those things do work! For a while. And then they don’t anymore and you end up with more health problems than you would have if you had just stayed kinda fat, which is, in fact, not a health problem.

As you can probably tell, this is something I have spent a lot of time and feelings on. About a year ago, I was seriously freaking out. I weighed more than I ever had, I was feeling like crap about myself, and whenever I even thought about dieting, my body started freaking out from deprivation anxiety and I couldn’t last a week. The definition of insanity is when a person tries the same thing again and again and blahblahblah… I’m still fat. That’s when I went crazy with the online research. That’s when I finally admitted I had a huge body image problem and a terrible relationship with food. That’s when I went to see a body image counselor.

The New

Here is what I do now: I practice intuitive eating. I do not restrict what I can eat—I’ll eat whatever I damn well please, since restricting it is what screwed me up in the first place. But I do pay attention to my fullness. I do consider how my body will feel—not look, feel—after eating whatever I’m considering. And I do work to take care of my stress, unhappiness, loneliness, and whatever-other-feelings with methods that are not soothing them with tasty food. My love of cooking has been both a help and a hindrance to this. I cook what I want, just like I eat what I want, but I still try to consult with my digestive tract to figure out what is going to make me the happiest. I try—and this is always a battle—to truly and honestly consider my health, vitamins, nutrients, and essential food groups, etc. over my weight when making dinner. This is the hardest thing I still struggle with.

As for exercise, I similarly exercise where and when and how I want. I try to refuse exercise that I feel like I “should” do and only do what I want to do. Instead of daily runs and elliptical work, I get to do an activity that I actually really enjoy doing, instead of just appreciating it as a way to burn calories. I regularly practice yoga, bike to work, dance in tap classes, and play Quidditch. Doing exercise because I like it while I’m doing it instead of just feeling self-congratulatory afterwards gives me the opportunity to do it without the guilt and self-pressure to exercise as a means of eating more. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone for a run (a thing I despise) instead of riding my bike because it was a faster calorie burn and I was having people over for dinner later. This is a recipe for a terrible relationship with both exercise and food.

Finally, a part of what I do that you won’t find in any size policing plan: managing my psyche. Real talk: I’d love to lose some of the weight I’ve gained from my past dieting experiences. It would be awesome. But to avoid dieting again—a constant temptation despite my past experiences—I work hard to make sure I feel happy and beautiful how I am. As a big Pinterest fan, I noticed I felt lousy every time I went on—because all the fashion boards I follow have only skinny white women. I immediately found five “fat fashion” boards to follow. Seeing these beautiful women of all shapes and sizes and colors makes me feel like I can be beautiful too. We see obese people in the world a lot, nearly always portrayed as lazy, stupid, face-stuffers. It is no wonder that nearly everyone is sizeist, even fat and obese people! Seeing them as beautiful and sexy everyday does wonders.

Clothes shopping is another battle against feeling good, but I do it because I like fashion and want to get dressed every morning feeling like I look stylish and fun. For a long time, I kept thinspiration clothes in my closet, hoping, knowing that I would fit into them someday. What a great way to feel like shit every morning! I have since gotten rid of them and replaced them with things that look good on me now.

Keeping up with fat acceptance and fat positivity bloggers has been awesome. This is more deprogramming of my sizeism and it makes me a better human to both others and myself. Isabel Foxen Duke is sassy and funny and sends weekly e-mails reminding me to continue the awesomeness. Others: Dances with Fat, Nude Muse, and Fat Nutritionist.

The Future

To even suggest, let alone say outright, that I am all fantastic and super happy all the time in my fat body and always make the best choices would be ridiculous. I’m still learning. But I do:

  • Refuse to bully myself or let others bully me around food and exercise choices
  • Actively work to love myself and how I look
  • Allow myself to thoughtfully eat whatever the hell I want to and exercise however and whenever the hell I want to
  • Seek out others who will support my positivity

Let me tell you: these things make a huge difference. It’s a lot of work to love yourself, especially if that self is not deemed “loveable” by society. But it is most definitely worth the effort.

Photo by Michelle White

Photo by Michelle White

We Don’t Know: Is My Exercise Routine Hurting Me?

Last week, I shared how and why I make exercise a priority. As I was researching my article (and reading my regular health blogs), I stumbled along this post on The Greatist. I was literally turning in my final draft for last week’s article and I already knew I had to write a follow up.

Fitspo, Thinspo, and all other “spos” on Instagram, Facebook, or Tumblr are said to be promoting a healthy lifestyle. But I’m wondering if, more often than not, they might just be distorting our body image and our health even more than before.

The big question is: what is too much exercise?

There are a lot of different articles out there that say you should do this many minutes of exercise a week and this percentage should be cardio and this percentage should be strength training. That’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about exercising to the point where you are damaging your body.

When I was fourteen years old, I played a lot of softball. And I mean, a lot of softball. Between the two JV & Varsity teams, I was one of only three pitchers. That meant I often would play six games a week. If I threw sixty pitches a game, that meant three hundred and sixty pitches a week (not including any practices, warm ups, etc.). As the season would progress, you could slowly see me fall apart—my mechanics, my pitches, my focus—finding the strike zone got harder and harder and it wasn’t my arm.

You see, at fourteen, I wasn’t strong enough to carry a college level-schedule for pitching. That many pitches a week is a lot, even for an eighteen-year-old or a twenty-four-year-old. But I didn’t know that. So I kept pitching. The more tired I got, the shorter my step became, and I started locking my knee. Sure, this gave me a great drop ball, but it also made the ball-and-socket joint in my left hip repeatedly pound against each other. Yeah, it hurt! It hurt a lot and I didn’t know why. The trainer and the coaches just blamed it on fatigue: I would get used to it. Now, I look back and say, “Hell yeah, it was fatigue.” My body was fucking tired, and it was telling me to slow down and take seat. But I was an athlete, I could handle it. I kept playing and a mere six weeks into the season, I tore a tendon in my hip that took a piece of my bone with it. It left in its wake a crack just small enough to not need surgery but serious enough to put me on crutches for eight weeks. I was fourteen, not eighty-five. And what followed was four years of physical therapy (due to continuing alignment issues), knee pain, and back pain. Anytime I go to the running store to get fitted for new shoes, they are surprised I’m a runner because my right leg still supports a majority of my body weight. Perhaps that’s why I enjoy it so much: I wasn’t ever supposed to be good at it again.

The psychological effects of my injury ran deep. I never threw off my high school’s home field pitching mound again. I eventually quit swimming, field hockey, and softball. Maybe if someone had told me not to push myself so hard, I would have enjoyed them through college. Now, as an adult, I shared with you how I make time to exercise regularly. I tried to focus that article on having fun, not burning calories. Why? Well that’s another dangerous line to toe. You know bulimia? The potentially life-threatening eating disorder. People with bulimia may secretly binge—eat large amounts of food—and then purge, try to get rid of the extra calories in an unhealthy way. For example, someone with bulimia may force vomiting or do excessive exercise.

I think often, we forget about that part I put in bold and only focus on the vomiting. I’m not a doctor but I have experienced the obsessive emotions associated with disordered exercising. It’s hard to get them out of your head. You don’t have to be skinny to have them. Yes, being incredibly underweight is a sign you are sick, but so are other things: Is your workout schedule making you lose sleep? Are you constantly stressing about when you can have your next workout? Do you go through a run despite illness or injury? I have. I have obsessed about how to plan my weekend around my workouts. I justify it in some ways because I’m “training for a marathon” and getting enough miles in each week. Or I will sit and look over an entire restaurant menu and plug each and every item in to make sure it’s not too many calories because I only ran five miles today. Most of the time, it means plugging in 10 ingredients per dish to figure out if it’s right and, by the way, that takes forty minutes of my day. WTF, LIZ.

Though I’m really proud of my healthier habits, there are times where I feel my fitness obsession is also my biggest demon. I never feel more alive than I do after a spin class. Running has taught me so much about my limitations and given me confidence in myself I never had before. Early on, running was a way for me to get away from twenty-something stress (work, friends, etc.). But at the same time, I wonder if threw myself into it too fast.

So now, I say: Liz, if you want the damn pastrami melt, get the pastrami melt. I hate this term, but YOLO. Stop wasting hours obsessing over whether you worked out enough to earn that pastrami sandwich. Don’t go home for a run you didn’t plan just because you ate a bit too much. You shouldn’t punish yourself for living life like a normal person. We’re all different. We will find different activities and foods and lifestyles we enjoy. It’s great if you lose ten pounds before summer but if you don’t and you are loving life anyway, that’s all that matters. Go forth!

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

 

How I Made Exercise a Priority

I love running. I specifically love running half marathons (soon to be marathons, I hope).  I didn’t always like it—in fact in 7th grade my mom made me join the cross country team and I would walk 3.1 miles. I broke my hip in high school. One time my field hockey coach told me she was surprised I even finished two miles. I guess it was a special type of stubbornness that made me a runner. But I did it because I wanted to challenge myself. First, I ran a half-marathon on a whim. Then, I wanted to try and be a “real runner” and tackle my first marathon. I realized I loved planning for the races—you can’t just roll out of bed and run 13.1 miles. You have to build from 0 to 12, and then run your race. And while I wheezed and huffed and walked all around those 13.1 miles in Agoura Hills, it felt fabulous to actually make it through that first race.

To learn to love running, I realized I had to change my mindset. For me it was a competitive attitude (and lack of a team sport) that pushed me to live a more fit life. I’m not saying exercise is always fun for me, but I have learned to make it a time. Why do I make the time? How do I make time? Why do I schedule exercise and make it a priority?

I set a goal and make a plan

One way I force myself to workout is to set a goal, like a race, and then work backwards to create a training plan. Each takes up 14-18 weeks of a year and, a few races in, you have a whole year of training.

I make it fun

Do you hate exercise? You might be doing the wrong kind of exercise! I don’t mean you aren’t doing the Self Magazine endorsed “right exercise.” I mean you have to find the right type of exercise for you. For example, I don’t get Zumba but some of my friends don’t get kickboxing. You have to make the exercise not feel like work and make it fun. Find something amazing and give it a try. By the time you cool down, it will be like you just went to the best therapy ever! Whether it’s trying a new spin class or aerial yoga or Just Dance, you have to try things until you find your staple.

How will you know when to find the right thing? I’ll give you a hint. When you are posting Facebook statuses and taking Sweatie Selfies—you found the right thing. I can’t shut up about my workout and have to share it with all my friends.  I brag about my new cycle shoes I got on sale. It’s like showing off a new dress—except it’s an amazing feeling of accomplishment and self-worth! We were even talking about this at my boot camp this week: who wants to give it all they’ve got and get yelled at when you can work with someone who will make you laugh and feel good about yourself?

I find a buddy

Sometimes, finding something fun is about creating something social. Consider finding a workout buddy: your buddy can keep you entertained during the boring parts of a ten-mile run. Or it can just be someone to commiserate with after a killer crossfit workout, or someone to make fun of your bad moves in Zumba class.

A workout buddy can also push you to be better. I used to do TRX training sessions, but the private ones were expensive. I switched to the trainer’s group boot camp classes to save money, and soon I discovered another perk: I’m a bit competitive. Okay… a lot competitive. Working out with other people at boot camp pushes me to hold a plank ten seconds longer or sprint instead of jog. So partner up!

I plan ahead (and pay ahead)

For some, money is the best motivator. I’m not telling you to go out and purchase an Equinox membership if you are not going to use it. But getting money involved in my exercise regime does help! For example, a lot of boutique spinning studios like SoulCycle require cancellation by 5:30 pm the night before class or you lose the class. This means when I book a 6:00 am bike, I get out of bed because there is no way in hell I’m losing that thirty dollars.

I also recently signed up for GymPact. This app allows you to set a goal of X amount of workouts a week. For every workout you miss, Pact charges you at least ten dollars. If you complete your pact, you earn a portion of the money collected from the people who missed days. I like this because it forces me to get moving for at least  thirty minutes a day and earn money while doing it. It’s not a lot but I’ll be up to twenty dollars this week after five weeks. It’s something!

But Liz, I’m broke! I can’t make it to fancy classes.

When I have to workout at home, I always queue up cool online videos like Blogilates, Daily Burn and Lionsgate BeFit (all free or dirt cheap) but inevitably I find myself skipping out for another episode of House of Cards.

This is where you have to decide if you really are serious about making exercise a priority and and figure out how to motivate yourself to do it. Invite someone to do a home workout with you. Refuse to buy those new shoes you want until you do three weeks of workouts! It takes twenty-one days to make a habit—I know you can do it. You just have to tell yourself you can.

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Remotivation: Jumping Back on the Health Bandwagon

It’s 11 pm. You stand in front of the open refrigerator, rub your distended belly and wonder what just happened to the fifteen Darth Maul cookies left over from your boyfriend’s “May the Fourth Be With You” Star Wars party. Oh yeah, you just ate them all, despite your determined declaration just last Monday that “It’s time to start fresh!” They somehow found their way into your mouth, and on the fourth day in a row of not working out, too. What bad luck! Evil cookies!

If you have ever tried to begin living a healthy lifestyle, you are probably familiar with one of the two following scenarios. One is to say “Screw it, I’ll start next month” and throw out your entire health plan (so you might as well cram in that last cupcake, too). The other is to spiral into a fit of self-loathing and overcompensation, involving weird cleanses with exotic spices and citrus and two hours every day on the elliptical.

Stop! There is a healthier way! Stop binging or purging (or a combination of both) and follow this easy, healthy method to remotivate yourself in the days immediately following a slip-up. And if you’ve never tried to live a healthy lifestyle for the first time, you can apply these same principles to begin in an appropriate, non-Nicole-Richie way!

That Night

Don’t beat yourself up. You are human, and humans make mistakes. Don’t make yourself throw up (or even try) and don’t continue to binge—you know you’re uncomfortable anyway. Take that food baby to bed and get a good night’s sleep.

And stop doing jumping jacks; it’s just going to give you cramps. You’ll know it’s futile when you have to stop after three of them.

The Next Morning

First of all, I’d like to reiterate last night’s message: don’t beat yourself up. Realize that one day of overeating (or even a couple of days) isn’t going to morph you into Jabba the Hut. That being said, it doesn’t give you a pass to keep screwing up. Those calories count, and so do calories for the rest of that week, and all those extras add up quickly. This is a new day, a day to forgive yourself and start out with fresh determination.

With all of that in mind, start with a healthy breakfast. I know you might still feel kind of bloated and gross from the night before, and eating might be the last thing you want to do, but starting your day with a light but nourishing meal will give you energy, keep your metabolism going, avoid the 3 pm hunger attack, and remind you that food is not of the devil. If you don’t usually eat breakfast, now is a good time to start. Most people think that they will lose weight by cutting calories earlier in the day; however, most people who skip breakfast end up making up those calories later in the day, and often even more than usual because starvation leads to very poor choices later on. Intense hunger pangs tend to make you go for the fastest food option. Keep driving past that McDonald’s, and don’t you dare stop!

Make sure your breakfast includes a lean protein, which will help keep you full, and a complex carbohydrate (any whole grain or fibrous fruit or vegetable), which will slow your digestion, keep you full, and create a slow-release energy that will hold you over ‘til lunchtime. Some great examples are:

  • Nonfat Greek yogurt, with a handful of berries (I use frozen for convenience), a sprinkling of granola, and a drizzle of honey.
  • Two whole grain toaster waffles spread with a tablespoon of peanut butter and sliced banana.
  • Scrambled egg whites with mixed vegetables and a slice of whole wheat toast.

Also, get a workout in! It’ll boost your endorphins, and even a light morning walk will remind you that food is fuel and that calories don’t have to stick if you don’t want them to! Plus, you’ll feel much better and get a self-esteem boost if you tend to be hard on yourself.

The Rest of That Day

There are two things you need to do before the day is over. One is to make a plan for the rest of the week, including your dinners and workouts. The best way to combat a future slip-up is to have a plan and treat it as a non-negotiable appointment. At the same time, keep your expectations realistic. Know thyself, and give yourself goals that you know you can accomplish. For instance, if you work an 80-hour workweek starting at 9 am and you come home exhausted every day, don’t expect to work out after your workday—you’ll never get it done. Instead, plan to suck it up and set your alarm for an hour earlier. Get your workout in before work when you still have a ton of energy, or plan a lunchtime workout. Having your plan in front of you, on paper (or smartphone), will assure you that it’s doable. Look, you have time for it! You scheduled it in: it’s in your schedule right there!

The other task is to get rid of whatever triggered your slip-up in the first place. I know it sucks to throw out food, especially if that food happens to be leftover nachos (they crisp up great in the oven!), but just close your eyes and get it done. In fact, this might be a great time to go through your cupboard and throw out problem foods in general. Giant jar of mayonnaise? Get rid of it. Double-stuff Oreos lurking in your pantry? Bid it farewell. Cooking lard? What are you, crazy? Banish it from thy sight!

This is one I have trouble with. My pantry is pretty well-behaved in general, but if there is leftover brownie cheesecake from a party, my logic says, “Well, I don’t want it to go to waste, but I don’t want it tempting me all week. I’ll just… eat it all now! That way, it won’t be a problem later and I’ll only have been really bad for one day, instead of slightly bad for seven days! Genius!”

What? Don’t raise your eyebrows at me. No one is perfect. Let’s move on.

The Rest of That Week

Stick to your plan. Recognize that treat days are perfectly acceptable within the structure of a healthy lifestyle, but the best way to distribute them is to wait for a treat day (or, preferably, just one treat meal) on a special occasion when you really won’t care, such as a family dinner, birthday party, or holiday. A good way to look at it is the 90/10 rule: eat well 90% of the time, and don’t worry about the other 10%.

Do your research. Find healthy alternatives for cooking methods, ingredients, or your favorite treats. For example, sauté vegetables in chicken broth instead of butter, or replace an after-dinner serving of ice cream or cake with a bowl of sliced apples, sprinkled with cinnamon, oats, and honey heated in the microwave. Voilà, healthy apple crumble. Once you’ve done your research, do your grocery shopping and begin incorporating these substitutes into your diet!

Have a rule for your workouts: never, ever, go more than two days in a row without exercise. Any kind of exercise. If you’re on a trip, find the hotel gym or go jogging. Visiting friends? Go out for a walk or hike, and let them show you the town. If you’re in space, I don’t know… bounce off the walls in zero gravity or something! Just make it a priority to keep active and keep it in the forefront of your mind. With this rule, you will never wake up one morning and realize it’s been two months since you’ve worked out, and you will get a decent number of workouts in per week.

The Rest of your Life

Remember, a healthy lifestyle is just that… a lifestyle. Whatever you plan to do, you have to see yourself doing it for the rest of your life. There is no magic diet that will help you reach your ideal Hugh Jackman/Gwyneth Paltrow proportions, and then let you go back to eating whatever garbage you want without gaining it all back.

This also may mean letting go of some unrealistic expectations. If the only way you’ll ever look like Gwyneth Paltrow (who, honestly, I don’t think is that hot anyway) is by starving yourself, then you aren’t meant to look like Gwyneth Paltrow (who, again… is not that hot). Learn to love your body for what it is! The human body is an extraordinary thing, and can do extraordinary things if you treat it well and let it try. Often, exercise is a doorway to this frame of mind; once you see what your body can do given the chance, you’ll stop punishing it and start taking good care of it.

And finally, I’d like to leave you with this final note on the nature of food. Food can be the best medicine in the world or a slow, agonizing poison, but food is not evil. It isn’t trying to trip you up, and that burger honestly does not have it out for you. There is great joy to be found in our food. Treats can be enjoyed in moderation, but you need to find the balance for yourself. Good, healthy, and nutritious food can have beautiful tastes, textures, and color, and above all, it will nourish and enrich your life and fuel your amazing body. Make the right choices, find the love and richness that can be found through good health, and make that your healthy lifestyle.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it, and I promise you will thank yourself.

remotivation