Tag Archives: money

Career

Yes, I Get Paid to Do That

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Someone (or many someones) once (or many times) told me that the hardest thing in the world is to turn your passion into a living—probably in an attempt convince me to attend law school instead of doing whatever it was I called daily life in my early 20s. But doing hard things is kind of my thing, so this sage wisdom only served to reinforce the borderline-masochistic work ethic I already had.

Writing was the only way I’d ever wanted to spend my life and, lucky for me, it also happened to be the only thing I was pretty decent at. When I graduated high school and went to college, the only logical choice for me was to enroll in a creative writing program. And when I graduated college and started forging my path into the belly of the beast known as The Real World, the only logical choice for me was to keep doing what I knew I was good at. To keep doing what I knew I cared about the most. I saw no reason to divert from the plan—the plan to write professionally, to pay my rent with words. I knew it would take some time and a boatload of dedication and that I’d probably have a succession of mind-numbing day jobs to pay the bills until then, but like a great many someones said: Turning your passion into a living is hard work.

By no means am I any kind of expert on this topic. I don’t think anyone is, because everyone’s journey towards gainful, fulfilling self-employment is 100% different. But I can say that I’ve learned a few really vital things about this whole process that probably do apply across the career spectrum, whether you’re busting your ass trying to get a tech startup off the ground or rousing your neighbors at 7 am with your vocal warm-ups in hopes of one day joining the Metropolitan Opera.

Make Time

First of all, there’s this: If you really care about it, you’ll make time for it. It’s so easy to say, “Ohhh, but I am le tired. I think I’ll have a beer and watch Top Chef instead.” It’s especially easy to say this if you’re working full-time in an arena that doesn’t relate to your ultimate goal. Trust me. I’ve been there. A beer and Top Chef sounds like the best thing most nights. And yes, you should treat yourself with a mental break now and then! But as soon as those credits roll, it might be time to turn off the TV and re-focus on your double life. If you care about your startup, your novel, or being prepped for your audition tomorrow—you will put in the hours.

By now, most people have heard of Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours thing. If it takes 10,000 hours of hard work and epic failings to turn a novice into an expert and you spent three hours watching House Hunters after work, you cheated your own damn self out of that valuable time. Three hours might not seem like a lot day-to-day, but it adds up over weeks, months, and years (you do the math—just be prepared for the subsequent existential freakout). But if you’re that guy or gal who makes a point to clock a fraction of your 10,000 hours every day, you’re not doing it because someone is making you do it: you’re doing it because there’s a little voice in the back of your head that keeps feeding you inspiration: ideas that you’ll continue to be excited by. You make time, because it’s easy to make time when you truly, deeply, give a shit about something.

Expand Your Definitions

Something else I figured out in my journey towards paying my rent with words is how important it is to challenge yourself and expand your range. This was a major revelation for me and is probably the #1 reason I can use words to keep a roof over my head.

I studied creative writing in college, with a focus on screenwriting and playwriting. I still do both of those things, and I still love both of those things with the same fervor as an 18-year-old college freshman. But it was only when I started blogging, editing, and writing creative prose as opposed to dialogue-driven drama that an actual need for my services began to crop up. People asked me to write blog posts and articles. They asked me to write jokes for their company’s Twitter feed to attract a certain type of audience. I was approached to contribute a short story to an anthology.

I realized that I didn’t need to sit behind a desk or wait tables or sling lattes all day while I cultivated my writing career. I could have a writing career right now, even if it wasn’t quite the type of writing I originally imagined myself doing. But I’m so psyched that I ventured away from my comfort zone and took on different types of projects. I can parlay the experiences I’ve had ghostwriting for other people and researching unfamiliar topics into my personal projects. It helps keep my ideas fresh and I’m constantly learning new things—not to mention I was able to pay my hefty electricity bill last month (woop woop).

There are so many other ways that people can use their talents and passions aside from the way they might have always imagined. That’s not to say you can’t and won’t ever use them the way you want most! It’s just a nice way to bridge the gap while you work towards your ultimate goal. It’s also a major confidence booster: nowadays, when people ask me what I do, I get to tell them what I do. I don’t get insecure anymore because I have to explain the origins of my totally mundane double life or fudge an answer that godawful question, “Do people ever pay you for that?” If I hadn’t forced myself to expand my range, there’s a good chance I’d still be awkwardly avoiding eye contact at family reunions whenever the subject of my “career” came up.

Move Forward

The final lesson I’ve learned since I joined this whole circus is an ongoing one: as long as I keep moving forward, I’ll always be improving. My most recent work is almost always my best work, which serves as near constant incentive to continue plugging ahead. I always tell people that the best idea I’ve ever had is something I haven’t even thought of yet. If I put a stopper in my pursuits, if I focus on something else, something easier… I might never have the best idea I’ve ever had. And that’s the thing that scares me more than anything else, even more than having what some people might call an “unstable” career path.

If you’re the type of person who can’t fall asleep at night unless you can assure yourself every day that you did something to further your own cause, then guess what: somehow or another, you’re going to make this thing work. You care about it too much. You know that there’s a difference between a job and a career. You might occasionally wonder what will cause you to stop trying—if there will come a day where the uphill battle finally makes you its bitch. But I personally wonder about that potential doomsday less and less as time goes by: I’m not sure if that means I’ve finally accepted the delusional veil I’ve been pulling over my eyes since I was 18, or if it’s a sign of actual progress. Either way, I feel good about where I’m at, even if most days are fraught with daunting rewrites and difficult clients and insecure inner monologues every time I hit “Send.” I’m doing my thing and I get to do it everyday. I’ve worked hard for my right to do my thing. If you have a thing, and if you truly care about it, you will make time to do it. And that’s how you do it for life, whether you’re a pro or a soon-to-be pro.

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Money

Let’s Ask: UE’s Finance Guru

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So far, Sara Hamling has done a wonderful job of effectively enlightening the financially frazzled. But some of us are just a bit more money-muddled than the others, so fellow UE contributor Michael Cox instigated a intense investigation into our investments.

Michael: Hi Sara, thanks for helping us out again! I like the way that you laid out some ideas for what is and what is not okay to spend money on from short-term and long-term spending accounts. Do you have similar advice for credit purchases when the ol’ short-term spending account isn’t up to snuff for (perhaps pet- or car-related) emergencies?

Sara: So your short-term savings account isn’t as full as you need it to be, and you’re facing a true emergency: you lose your job, your car needs new brakes so that you can get to work, you have a medical emergency. In those cases, it’s okay to use your credit card even if you can’t pay it off in full the next month. Pay at least the minimum every month (try to pay a little over) and most importantly, make a plan for how you are going to pay that money off as soon as possible.

That sounds like a good practice to follow. When the hits keep coming, what’s the risk?

Any time you are carrying a balance on your card from month to month you’re taking a risk—credit card companies can change almost any rate or term with little notice. Plus carrying a balance will not help your credit score. But, if you’re facing a true emergency, using your credit card can give you time to get back on your feet without ruining your credit (compared to, for instance, neglecting payments on a home or auto loan).

I’m trying to focus on not getting hurt by interest (too much) and not damaging my credit score. Thanks to some help from mint.com and Google Calendar, I’m pretty on top of paying everything on time, so as long as I’m not at risk of forgetting to make a payment it shouldn’t hurt, right?

Exactly!  What I did was setup auto-pay on my credit card accounts and, a week before it’s due, I can double-check that my auto-payment went through and my balance for that month is paid off.

My fiancée and I have a shared credit card that we use for our joint purchases (like the new bathroom towels, Saturday’s “Let’s have amazing food!” dinner, and any Sharks game we can make) so that we can easily divide our expenditures later (and not have to juggle credit cards at the counter in the moment). Assuming we pay it off every month (or very close) to avoid interest, is there a better way to do this? Is doing this actually hurting our credit?

Assuming you pay the card off every month, you should be fine. There’s nothing wrong with having and using a couple credit cards as long as you have the money to pay them off.

Like the seasoning in a recipe for financial success: “Use in moderation,” right? What else?

One other thing to look at is what percent of your credit limit are you using at any given time. Owing more than 30% of your available credit will actually affect your credit score negatively. So, if your card has a $3,000 credit limit and you regularly have more than $1,000 on the card—that will negatively affect your credit. You want to have low balances, pay bills on time, and pay more than the minimum if you’re going to be regularly using your credit cards.

That said, going over that $1,000 is absolutely okay in emergencies, especially if you can pay that balance off right away (and perhaps pay it back before it’s even due, if you can to get it back under 30% of available credit).

You had some great recommendations for online savings accounts in your previous article. Do you have similar recommendations for credit cards?

If you have carried a balance in the past or think you might carry a balance in the future, look into credit cards that have the lowest APRs. The APR is the annual percentage rate you will pay on the money you don’t pay off in full every month. Typically, this is between 10-25%.

It certainly makes sense to just pay off the remaining balance each month.

If you have consistently paid off your balance every month, focus more on rewards. Most cards give you 1 “point” for every dollar you spend. This is typically equal to 1% back on a purchase ($1 back on $100 purchase). So, look for a cards that will give you more than that amount for certain purchases.

I like the sound of that! But from that word, “certain,” it sounds like there’s a catch?

Let’s say you wanted to get a couple credit cards with different rewards. You could get a Bank America Cash Rewards Card which gives you 2% back on groceries and 3% back on gas purchases. If you eat out a lot, you could get the Chase Sapphire Card which gives you 2% back on dining. Or you could look into the Chase Freedom Card which gives you 5% back on different types of purchases every three months (i.e. movie theatres & gas stations, or Amazon & department stores). Just make sure you know which cards give you what rewards and use them accordingly. (Note: All the above credit cards will give you the standard 1% back on other non-category purchases.)

So, we could use a different card for every kind of purchase, or…

Or, if you don’t want to have to remember what cards give you what rewards, you could get a card that gives you 1.5% back on all your purchases like the Quicksilver Cash Rewards Card.

Regardless of what you’re looking for, use credit card comparison sites to figure out which offers you will use most.

That sounds great but… Should holding multiple credit cards be avoided? It seems like a delicate balance between “You have enough credit history to get a mortgage” and “Your credit isn’t quite good enough for a livable mortgage.”

There’s nothing wrong with holding multiple credit cards so long as you’re not abusing them. I wouldn’t get more than about four, but two or three is totally fine especially if they give you points for different types of purchases.

That sounds like a good rule of thumb. So what’s the recipe for success?

The ideal situation for your credit cards is that you have a few, you keep low balances on them, and you pay them off in full every month. Now—that’s not always possible. But that’s what’s going to get you the best credit score if that’s what you’re looking for.

As a gamer, I always want the best score. I’m curious though. You said “low balances,” not “no balances.” Is not using your credit cards bad, too?

It’s not great to never use your cards. But… it’s probably better to not use your card for a short amount of time than to close the account. It’s awful for your credit if you open and close credit cards any more than you absolutely need to. Say you’ve opened too many credit card accounts, and you realize you really don’t need them all: don’t close them (unless you have a tendency to abuse credit) and don’t stop using them entirely. Just charge one small thing a month to them and then pay that off in full every month.

I feel like this should be taught in school; do you have any homework for me?

Sure! Here’s a good article on how balances affect your credit score.

Now, for those 20-somethings who are lucky enough to be investing and not just borrowing: when the world looks messy (I’m looking at you, Russia) or the market looks testy (well, this isn’t the ’90s, so maybe this isn’t so terrible a threat), is it ever the right decision to pull your stock market funds?

I’m already following your advice on using passive investment strategies in Mutual Funds/Index Funds/ETFs because, seriously, who has time to micromanage this?

It depends on what kind of account your stocks are in.

If your money is in a retirement account where your money is in Mutual Funds/Index Funds/ETFs—don’t move your money. Do not move it. Maybe you think you can time the market and avoid a dip, but even the best brokers fail to do this regularly. Money for retirement has a long time to grow if you’re putting it in before age 30, and even before age 40. It’s much better to ride out the market’s highs and lows if you have the time and your money is invested diversely.

Don’t touch the retirement. Got it! What about all the other types of investments?

If you have a separate brokerage account though that is not for retirement but is, instead, say…. money for that wedding, money for a house, money for a big trip… money that you are planning on needing in a couple years—then, you may possibly want to pull your stock market funds. If you know you will need that money and you don’t have confidence in the market (or you just don’t want to take the chance because you know you will need it soon), it’s okay to take the money out and put it in something less risky (hello, high-yield savings accounts or CDs!). Or, take half your money out and keep half in—another way to be slightly more risk-averse.

Okay, so keep your ultimate money goals in mind when deciding where and when investments should be managed. I feel more fiscally fit already! Thanks, Sara!

Michael Cox is a contributing writer. He is also a really tall computer engineer, app developer, musician, computer gamer, and San Jose Sharks fan. Twitter: @TehMiikay.

Sara Hamling is a contributing writer. Graphic Designer, Foodie and Baseball Enthusiast living in San Francisco and exploring the rest of California. Follow me @shamlingdesign

Photo by Rob Adams

Photo by Rob Adams

Career

Adventures in Freelancing (Pants Optional)

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I never thought I’d miss desk chairs.

I was fortunate enough to be one of those people who started working immediately after college. A yearlong internship panned out—the television company with which I’d been interning took on a $45 million project during my last semester, and rather than train new coordinators, they just started paying me once I graduated. I started at $500 a week, which at the time felt like legit riches, and then got bumped up to $600 a few months later.

Although I was only supposed to contract for about 5 months, I ended up staying as an employee for more than a year, during which time my incredible boss/mentor rallied tirelessly to get me put on salary, but to no avail. I tried to move laterally in the company, toward one of the creative jobs that were more along the lines of my degree, but nepotism reared its fugly head and I was passed over for any new positions.

So, I found myself with no chances to move within the company and no full-time prospects elsewhere. I did cry, once—in the comfort of my own breakfast burrito—and no one noticed except the waiter, who (bless him) wordlessly handed me a mimosa. After a few sips, I pulled myself together, considered my skills and connections, and shifted my mindset to freelancing. Fortunately, thanks to the proactive work of my now-former boss, I spent almost no time searching for jobs. She put me in contact with a few company connections, all of whom I reached out to immediately and pushed to set meetings up with. During these meetings, if there were even an inkling of a suggestion of a task mentioned, I said yes. Always yes. I agreed to everything from working a private school charity function for a producer to managing the marketing for an upcoming indie film. I can’t stress enough how important it is to say yes. If the task is basic enough that they’re asking a relative stranger to do it, and it doesn’t involve a Hazmat suit, it’s probably something you can figure out how to do. I consider myself a lifetime double student at the universities of Google and Your Local Public Library.

So I got a backup laptop battery, switched out my unlimited MetroCard for a pay-per-ride and, before I could put on my comfy slippers, I was juggling five different freelance gigs. And I do mean different. I spent my days alternating between cutting Flavor of Love highlights (yes, the VH-1 masterpiece), to pulling stills and sound bites for a TV show’s digital board game, to frantically researching Photoshop layer-masking for a website’s design after having promised I had the adequate skills to do it.

The Money

Let’s talk about the fun part of freelancing: getting paid!!! Negotiating a pay rate is not as tricky or as terrifying as you’d expect. Before that process begins for you, ask someone in a similar field about the rates they charge, both when they started and now. When you go back to the employer, don’t be afraid to aim higher than you think you should. If you’ve gotten this far in setting up a freelance position, they’re unlikely to slam the (e-)door in your face. They’ll either say yes, or they’ll counter with a lower rate. From there, feel free to negotiate away; I found that agreeing on a rate within a couple of emails saved both of us from any potential resentment.

Here’s another thing about quoting a rate for your work. Come on—lean in for this one—I’m going to type in italics to invoke whispering: If they’re hiring you to do some extra work, eight times out of ten they don’t know how to do it themselves. They probably don’t even know what the typical rate is. Don’t take advantage of people, obviously, but don’t be afraid to upcharge based on your own experience (whatever that may be) and to make it worth your while. Like I said, I promise that an employer won’t turn down your services, then tell all his/her friends not to hire you, and then hack into your OKCupid account to declare you a huge, pompous, money-grubbing asshole if you quote a rate that’s too high.

What’s less fun than negotiating a rate is chasing after employers for money. It’s not necessarily that you didn’t do a great job, or that the employer is a bad person, or that the project is necessarily a total go-nowhere scam running out of the back of a souvenir shop. (I repeatedly stress not taking this stuff personally, because it’s very easy to let happen, especially if you’re working alone most of the time and away from the regular, conversational feedback of office life. A year of freelancing left me more sensitive to criticism than Joffrey Lannister-Baratheon.) It is simply not your clients’ top priority to give you their money, regardless of the job you did. So don’t be afraid to bring it up kindly in an email or make a phone call, regularly, to make sure it happens. No one is going to worry themselves as much about your payment as you are. Be your own #1 get-money-get-paid advocate.

The Routine

Throughout my time freelancing, it was hard to regulate some semblance of a routine. I would work late until I fell asleep with my computer in my lap, and then I would wake up the next morning, grab my computer from my bedside, and start working again. The sheer number of deadlines made self-motivation easy; the trickier task was turning my brain off from “work mode.” Imagine getting to your office at 8 am and leaving after midnight every day. Even if you’re only committed to eight hours, you’ll probably find yourself working ahead just because you’re in that environment. When I was working from home, there was no differentiator, especially when “home” was a teeny tenement apartment with no common spaces.

But there were numerous advantages! I could work in my pajamas (although to avoid the inevitable self-disgrace, I usually didn’t), I could do my laundry and grocery shopping in the middle of the day when there were no lines. I worked my gym schedule around the TV Guide for the channels I could watch on the treadmill. My conversational skills didn’t exactly flourish, but my work and home lives were the most efficient they’d ever been.

The Location

At one point, I decided to take the phrase “working remotely” to heart. With some extra cash from one particularly lucrative job, I moved to an apartment two blocks from the Mediterranean Sea for a few months while I continued to cut, edit, and write content for various clients. Wake up, work over breakfast, bring lunch and write on the beach before it got too hot, come home, work through dinner, go out with new roommates. And, of course, go on the occasional adventure. I realize that not every freelance job can be done from across the globe, but if the stars align accordingly for you, then get your ass out there.

Hanging Up The Slippers

Before I knew it, a year of freelancing had passed. By then, I was working part-time in the office of a client, a social media/entertainment startup, who now needed me on-hand for a few hours a week. I was also bartending a couple times a week, more for the social interaction than anything else. I felt both exhausted and also, strangely, unaccomplished; unless you’re looking at freelance gigs cumulatively, it’s easy to feel like you didn’t contribute greatly to any one project.

Not long after that, the part-time office job asked me to come onboard full-time. After weighing the decision, I decided to hang up my slippers and come back to office life. I would miss the freedom of scheduling my day, and I would miss indulging the weird idiosyncrasies I had developed from being alone most of the time for 15 months (like talking to myself excessively and eating certain foods with a knife only). Ultimately, the most alluring prospects were the regular, decent salary, a stake of equity in the company, the comfort of a desk chair (so much more ergonomic than the headboard of my bed), and the chance to interact all day with humans who weren’t appearing on a daytime talk show.

Am I glad I made the switch back to a one-job-only, 9-to-5 life? Yes. Do I miss the flexibility? Yes, every time I get a low-airfare alert for some exotic city, or try and elbow my way to the only rust-stain-free dryer at the laundromat at 7:30 in the evening. On the plus side, I have more regular in-person human interaction; I’m finally starting to get out of the habit of what I call ‘speaking in email,’ ending all spoken office conversations with “Best, Alyssa.” And I don’t have to chase anyone for a paycheck—it lands nicely into my checking account twice a month.

Is It For You?

I don’t know that I would recommend freelancing as a full-time job to everyone. I think it’s worth trying, especially if any of the above perks seem attractive to you. And oftentimes, they can lead to a steadier position, as in my case.

If you’re thinking about jumping on the freelance train, it’s worth having some money saved up, in case the jobs dry up or in case an employer is dragging their feet to give you your first paycheck. There’s always going to be some lingering awareness (and there should be, if you’re responsible about your bank account) that there will be periods of low income in addition to times where you’re flush with cash. Retail copywriting, for example, is heavily sought after from October to December, but unsurprisingly, work dries up after the holidays. So as tempting as it is after a well-paid gig to head to Serendipity 3 for a celebratory Frrozen Haute Chocolate, it might be worth saving some of that cheddar for a rainy day. If managing your money with some Scroogery isn’t something you think you’re capable of, then maybe freelancing isn’t for you.

Of course, starting to freelance isn’t always an all-or-nothing decision. You might be working one full-time position when someone asks you to take on a project. Then that may lead to other projects, some concurrently, until you have to consider whether it’s enough money and consistent work to quit your day job for. If so, and if you don’t LOVE your day job, then I say get out of there! Be free! Spread your self-sufficient wings! And when that day comes when you’re called back down to Earth for another permanent position, you have to make the decision for yourself: Just how much do you love eating oatmeal with a knife?

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Money

Not Going Broke, A How-To

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After vacationing in Japan, visiting New York, and moving in with my boyfriend, all within three months, I had a lot of debt and needed to have a plan to get rid of it. I have a decent job that sort of allows me to live comfortably, but the reality is that I needed to budget my spending and hold myself to it. Budgeting my way out of debt and into better savings sucks. It really does, but it’s part of being a responsible adult who maybe wants to buy a house, or get married, or take another big vacation abroad.

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Let’s take a look at how I try to set up my budget, which is generally applicable for a young working professional living in the major Bay Area. Please note that the cost of living can be scaled down (or up) depending on where you live.

How Much Money You Make

For salaried workers, this is pretty simple. How much do you get paid? How often do you get paid? Multiply accordingly to figure out about how much you make each month. For example, let’s say my annual income is $40,000–after taxes. It comes out to about $1,200 per paycheck twice a month. We’ll work with a baseline of $2,400 dollars each month, subtracting as we count our expenses.

Cash Flow: $2,400

How Much You Have to Spend

Car payments, rent, and insurance are some typical costs. These are required for not losing your car, your home, and your health (or maintaining any of the above), and as such, these are your priority payments each month. In addition, since you have to buy gas for your car, you should estimate the average cost of a tank and the number of times you fill up in a month. I generally go to a gas station about three times a month, give or take a week. There’s not really an opportunity for cost savings here, barring trading down your current car and moving back and forth.

Cash Flow: $2,400

Rent: -$700

Car Payment: -$306

Gasoline: -$120

Car / Renter’s Insurance: -$110

Cash Flow after Necessities: $1,164

How Much You Have for Food

Barring rent, food is where I spend the majority of my money each month. Cutting back from having sushi two to three times a week sucked, but I had to devise a plan for saving money where I usually spend the most.

First, I accounted for breakfast and work lunches. I normally don’t eat breakfast, but sometimes I do get coffee. Paying $4 three times a week for a coffee and snack comes to $12 per week for breakfast. For lunch, the cafeteria at my work tends to charge about $6 per meal, but I want a little breathing room to eat out with my co-workers once a week at about $15. A $6 cafeteria lunch four times a week, plus $15 for eating out once a week, comes to $39 per week for lunch. Next, we should account for dinners, desserts, and other snacks you would normally eat at home. I try to eat something of moderate size and of moderate price from the grocery store most nights of the week. This usually comes out to about $10 a day, sometimes serving for two or more.

To account for eating out, I let the cost savings roll over, and try to not binge on alcohol or appetizers. In order to calculate how much you’d spend each month, multiply your weekly costs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner by about 4.3 (the average number of weeks in a month). It isn’t an exact number, but it generally works out to be fairly accurate (and then I round up to the nearest whole dollar).

This part of the budget varies greatly from person to person, as some people care more about what they’re eating, how often they’re eating it, and if they can stand leftovers. I for one don’t mind leftovers, but hate monotony in the variety of my overall meals, so I spend a little more on some meals for bigger tastier foods.

Cash Flow after Necessities: $1,164

Breakfast: -$51

Lunch: -$168

Dinner: -$300

Cash Flow after Food: $645

How Much You Have for Fun

Shit gets tricky here. You have a finite amount of money left this month. You could spend it on drinking, a new pair of shoes, or a coffee table. I like all of these things, but my savings are more important to me. If you don’t have any, what happens when you run into trouble? I’m a bit proud and don’t really want to ask my mom and dad for help, so I put a small, but decent chunk directly into savings.

After that, it’s sort of like juggling. You can revise how much you spend each month on entertainment, such as movies or small trips. Or maybe, you want to spend more money on material things, and go shopping more often. These budgets are flexible because you still have money left over. I recommend that you put anything remaining from your cash flow into savings.

Cash Flow after Food: $645

Savings: -$200

Entertainment: -$120

Shopping: -$200

Cash Flow after Fun: $125

Getting Out of Debt

Above, there’s the basic outline of a budget, but you can see that at the end, there’s not a lot to pay back toward existing bills. Here’s where you look at all the things you’re spending money on and figure out where you can afford to cut back. For example, you don’t really need to spend $200 a month on shopping for new things. This could be cut down to $50 for new games or some new makeup, bringing your debt repayment funds up to $275. Furthermore, not everyone is like me and spends a lot of money on food. Some folks I know spend less than $200 a month on food, and that could be you too! Saving money to pay debt sucks, but it needs to be done if you want to be a financially responsible adult. Just learn to cut where it doesn’t hurt as bad.

Note that if you have long-standing credit card debt, you should try to pay it off first before putting a lot into savings. Your savings doesn’t accrue interest, while owing money to credit card companies costs you more in the long run. You should also aim to pay off your credit cards every month, making the bills in the long term much more manageable.

Making Everything Easier

Finally, work out your budget in Microsoft Excel or Google Spreadsheets: it’s an excellent way to have a copy that you can manipulate and track your progress. Alternatively, you can use a site such as Mint to have them track your spending. Such websites can pull records from your credit cards, bank statements, and other bills to better show much you’ve been spending, and usually they have great ways to analyze your spending or track your goals. You can use these to see where you’ve been putting all your hard-earned cash, so you can decide where you need to cut back.

Good luck with the budgets and the savings!

Relationships

Expectations vs. Reality: Living in Sin

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“Ooooh, I guess things are gettin’ pretty serious, huh?”

If you are preparing to move in with your sig-o, get ready to hear that every day of your life for the foreseeable future.

But what the heck does that even mean… “Things are gettin’ pretty serious”? In the year 2013, what qualifies as a “serious enough relaysh” that you’d consider moving in together? Only you and your guy/gal can accurately answer that question. It’s different for everybody, so this won’t be a discussion about how to know if it’s the right move. But whether you’re gearing yourself up to put a ring on it or cruising along at a gentler pace, one thing remains constant: living together changes (almost) everything. You might not expect it to, especially if you’ve practically been living together the entire time you’ve been dating. But, as one half of a couple that just took a jaunty stroll down this road, here are a few realities of the situation that might differ a smidge from your expectations.

The actual physical moving of apartments was rather eye-opening for me. I think I’ll start with that. Moving day is about as relaxing as that moment when your best friend just became a zombie, and you must decide whether or not to blow his head off because in about five seconds he’s going to eat your face. Moving is a dangerous dance! It’s likely you’ve never seen your sig-o handle stress of this kind before. Our move went a little something like this: we decided to do it ourselves, with friends and a U-Haul. Except, in the end, only one super-dedicated friend actually stuck with us the whole day, the U-Haul rental place was far away and threw off our whole schedule, and we were not as well-packed as we thought we were. A mattress was thrown off a balcony. Things of a somewhat vile variety were uttered. So… my advice for the big day? Fork over the cash, and hire a moving company. Really. U-Haul often tacks on all kinds of extra fees anyway, so in the end it’s not that much cheaper. If you hire movers, you can focus on the excitement of your first awesome apartment together instead of: “Hey, Liz, please don’t hold that chair like you have 6-inch T-Rex arms, the legs are going to—!”“Uhh, do we have a hot glue gun? The legs of this chair all fell off.”

But if you do decide to DIY, take comfort in this: if your relationship comes out of moving day intact, it can probably survive anything!

Something else I wasn’t quite expecting was the fact that just because we liked each other, it would not necessarily mean we liked each other’s stuff. Once we got through the move and started putting things in their proper places, there were several instances of, “Oh… wait, we’re hanging that? On an actual wall in our actual home?” When we lived in our respective apartments with roommates, we always had our own rooms—spaces that were completely our own. But now, for the first time ever, the entire space was shared space. The solution in this case is simple, but it requires patience. Over time, invest in nice, new things that you both like. If you’re not lucky enough to have your tastes perfectly align, I recommend having a joint “cool new shit” fund. It doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg, either. Go to the flea market together and get an antique desk or a funky painting (then do as I do, and go home and watch Flea Market Flip for 3 hours and proclaim, with bloated self-confidence, “We could totally make that table, why aren’t we on this show?!”).

Which obviously leads me to this addendum: Definitely try to make some of this stuff if you’re crafty types! In the end, you might have to make a few concessions. But focus on getting new stuff together, instead of stewing over how much you know he/she loathes your antelope-shaped candelabra (yeah, that’s mine).

Also, speaking of joint purchasing ventures: maybe you were expecting the money questions to kind of answer themselves, or that you’d both be impeccable about splitting all household expenses evenly. But you need to chat about it. My philosophy is 50/50, all the way—on everything from the cable bill to groceries, no matter which person the food “belongs” to (so this means, yes, I spend just as much on his ground beef as he does on my veggie burgers and tofu). But definitely have an honest conversation about your finances before you move. If one of you is a little more solvent than the other, that’s okay. Maybe you agree on 70/30 or 60/40. But whatever you decide, have a mathematical layout and stick to it. It’s easy to get sloppy with that kind of thing, but it’s also the thing most couples wind up fighting about!

Another notable change is the sharing of people. Two-Buck-Chuck-Ladies-Night-In will take on a different form. As will five-hour Xbox/Chipotle-scarfing marathons. Your single-social behavior is going to change, which is weird, right? It’s not like either of you were “single” before this. But now, when you have friends over, even if you have the space for each person to operate independently, you may feel it’s necessary to try to include one another. And that’s great! I love when the important people in my life get to know one another better. My heart is easily warmed by everybody getting on like peanut butter and jelly. But I definitely wasn’t expecting this change in the social atmosphere. Now every friend visitation is pre-examined, case-by-case. If my best girlfriend needs to drink half a bottle of wine and give me a very graphic play-by-play of her latest sexcapade, I will suggest a trip to the bar instead of inviting her over, as was our usual M.O. when I was living alone.

This accomplishes two things: firstly, it stops you from inadvertently making your sig-o feel like they’re intruding just because they’re there. Sloppy secondly, it gets you the hell out of the apartment, which leads me to another unexpected possible side effect of co-habitation. “Co-Hermitation,” I like to call it. It happens to pretty much everybody. It’s totally normal. You’re together, so you’re being social even if you’re staying in. It’s a scientific fact. But if you can break the cycle now and then, have at it!

Now, here’s the thing that I think is the biggest expectation-buster of them all. And, a lot of the time, it could be an expectation that other people have imposed upon you because you made this decision. But here’s the thing: moving in together is an enormous sign of commitment. Yes. But there’s a reason you signed a lease instead of a marriage certificate. Living together might be a step in that direction, but if you ask me (which you sort of did because you continued to read up until this point!), moving in with someone you love should be treated as the ultimate personal experiment. You did it because you wanted to be 30000% sure that this is the right person for you, and there are certain things you’ll only understand about your relationship and the “rightness” of it if you’ve lived with this person. That’s what you needed, so that’s what you decided to do. Not everybody needs this “experiment.” Your parents may not have needed it (as they might endlessly point out to you). But this is the 21st century and, more often than not, this is how we roll as adult people who love each other.

However, let it be known that if this experiment does not meet your expectations, if something changes and this relationship no longer makes you happy, living together does not have to mean that you’re in-it-to-win-it for life. Try to make it work. Try and try again, dammit. Not every day is going to be a rollicking honeymoon. But in the end, if it’s just not meant to be, don’t let anyone guilt you into treating it like a divorce. You moved in with this person so you’d know what they’re really all about. And that’s exactly what you came out of it understanding. I SALUTE YOU if this is you presently or if it ever has been you.

Now, I don’t want to leave anyone feeling sad, because who would I be if I did that? Sheesh. So before I sign off, here are a few more hints, practical or otherwise, that you may or may not find useful in your newfound co-habitative bliss:

  • If you have pets, then guess what: your girlfriend/boyfriend also inherited said pets. You may have said things like, “I promise, the dog is mine, you don’t have to clean up after him or feed him or anything, he’s just gonna exist in the house.” But if you all exist in this household together, man and beast, it’s highly likely that that animal will become a greater shared entity than you expected, for better or worse. So, like… definitely make sure the dog isn’t keen on pooping in his/her shoes.
  • If the fact that she throws wet towels on the bed after a shower makes you rage, for the love of God, just tell her! She probably doesn’t even know she’s doing it, okay? Old habits die hard. It’s a hard knock life, living alone. Nobody tells you not to do this kind of stuff!
  • Same goes for cleaning in general. If you have a different definition of the word “clean,” you should probably come to grips with it and find a harmonious happy medium. People like slobs just about as much as they like that OCD 6 am vacuumer.
  • Two TVs or no TV. I’m so serious. One in the bedroom and one in the living room or none at all! I think everybody appreciates what I mean by this!
  • And one more thing, coming at you from the bed where I currently sit, battling a sore throat that I’m convinced is morphing into flu symptoms minute-by-minute: get familiar with each other’s sick day behavior. People usually treat sick people how they want to be treated when they’re ill, whether that’s with 24/7 doting or with a suck-it-up-hands-off approach. As I sit here contemplating whether or not I want to get up and make some honey-lemon tea, I wonder whether or not he knows that I might want somebody to make it for me. Hmmmm.

Stay tuned for next month’s article on how to maximize your sickness sympathy potential (a beginner’s guide).

Moving in w_your sig other square

Photo by Sara Slattery