Tag Archives: house

We Don’t Know: What Does it Mean to be a Good Roommate?

I recently stumbled across the awesome How To Adult video below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNI1fWTlGwY

To sum up their seven tips for being a highly effective roommate:

Tip #1: Set the rules early on.

Tip #2: Have a monthly status meeting.

Tip #3: Be consistent.

Tip #4: Be generous.

Tip #5: Remember that this isn’t “your apartment.” It’s “your and your roommate’s apartment.”

Tip #6: Keep the lines of communication open.

Tip #7: Prepare in advance for possibly parting ways with your roommate.

I think these are awesome rules for living in peace with a non-related human being.  I’ve somewhat successfully lived in my four-bedroom house with a fairly consistent cast of characters for almost three years now, and I think Tip #6 is pretty much the savior of our lives.

But sometimes I wonder if being neat and tidy and nice and polite is good enough to be considered a “good roommate.”  Certainly it makes you an unobtrusive cohabitant.  But if cohabitant is really as far as the relationship goes: there’s no feeling of family or relationship.  So what exactly is the definition of good roommate?

The reason I wonder about this is probably borne from my own insecurity of being a bad roomie.  On a typical night, my fiancé and I come home from a long day at work and go straight upstairs to my bedroom, where I do some UE maintenance for a bit, he finishes up some remaining work, then I pass out without remembering to take out my contacts, and he plays video games for a couple hours before shutting off the light.

Other than occasionally running into my fellow house-dwellers in the kitchen or living room, my main interaction is the somewhat-daily photo that I spam them of our kitchen sink.  I call it the #NagPic, and they’re unusually nice about my insane neuroticism.  (In my defense, it’s incredibly effective at reminding people of their ice cream dish from 3 am last night, but I really don’t recommend it for households of not-incredibly-chill people.)

On the other side of the spectrum, UE writer Emily Knight used to live in this fabulous house where each roommate made dinner once per week and they all sat down and ate together.  This absolutely blows my mind.  How quaint!  How tight-knit!  How envy-inducing!  Just hearing about it inspired fantasies in my head of 1950s-esque hairdos and someone wearing a cute apron from Modcloth.  (I’m not even going to go into all the bike rides, pumpkin carving, and Christmas tree decorating that went on in that utopia of friendship.)

Admirable as it is, it’s just not feasible in my life.  Does that make me a bad roommate?  Probably not.  Does walking upstairs with no acknowledgement of my cohabitants other than “hey” make me a bad roommate?  Probably.  I think it depends on your definition.

While I’m still deciding whether I’m okay with my definition, what’s yours—and are you okay with it? Share your enlightenment in the comments.

Photo by Sara Slattery

Photo by Sara Slattery

My Journey to Happy Cohabitation

Finding the right living situation can feel like an endless Goldilocks and the Three Bears tale—there are a million ways a place can be a bad fit. On the path to my current peaceful shared living arrangement, I landed in a few of those not-so-great spots.      

Living with my Landlord’s Daughter

In my first experience renting a room after moving out of my hometown, one of my two housemates was the landlord’s daughter. My lady housemates were awesome, and I was excited to be living in Oakland, but I attuned to the local housing rates and, as I got to know some folks in town, they let me know my rent was a ripoff. The situation grew tense as I realized what a shoddy deal I was getting. It was time to move. Before too long, I found a much cheaper place just one street over with two bedrooms available. My best friend, who was also looking for a place, jumped on board.

Living with my Best Friend

I scoured the Internet for advice about whether or not moving in with a best friend would work. All the articles advised against it, but we forged ahead with our plans. We were both 22 and single, what could go wrong?

Then, two weeks before our move in date, my best friend met the man of her dreams (they’re now engaged). At our new place, our bedrooms shared two paper-thin walls and she didn’t like staying at his place. A few months down the line, he wound up moving in. This was not what I’d signed up for! It didn’t help that her new boyfriend and I weren’t politically aligned. It didn’t help that the two of them were better friends with our fourth housemate than I was. It didn’t help that I was renting the dinky shoebox sized room, while everyone else had more space. It didn’t help that her two cats bullied my cat so badly I eventually kept her in my room. It took our friendship some time to recover, and that was after the two of them moved out. But things have gotten better! After that, I lived alone—well, sort of.

Living at my Work

My boss, a small business owner, had rented an apartment to use as an office and was planning on renting the bedroom out to someone as a personal office. When I needed to move, she offered it to me. For a year, my housemates were my co-workers. I enjoyed the quiet evenings with the apartment to myself—a hint of the freedom of having my own place. Still, I found myself frequently escaping to my boyfriend’s place in the city. The long evening hours alone, though meditative, felt claustrophobic to me—far too easy to get lost in endless existential omphaloskepsis. The other challenge was the location of the apartment: Telegraph Avenue in Oakland, with a second story street-facing bedroom window. Outside my window there was a bench, a bus stop, and a restaurant that stayed open ‘til 2 am. As much as I love cities, I do not love the noise. And it was heartbreaking to live so intimately close to people living on the streets, some struggling with addiction and mental health issues. It wasn’t a situation I could, or would want to, get used to. After just shy of a year on Telegraph, I let my boss know I was planning to move out.

Living on Couches

My boyfriend and I moved out of our respective rooms thinking we’d move in together, and then decided not to take the plunge quite yet. He wound up moving back home with his parents to figure things out and I wound up searching for the perfect shared living situation, all the while cat sitting and couch surfing. Even though I enjoyed hanging out with peoples’ pets and seeing friends, those four months living out of a suitcase were stressful. It was humbling realizing just how far from being homeless I actually am.

Living in a Home with New Friends

After two and half months of combing Craigslist, synchronicity came to the rescue. A friend of mine from work let me know that a room in the five bedroom house she lived in (dubbed the Harmony Home), would be available in six weeks. I went and looked at the place and I felt like we clicked. I’d never lived with this many people, and the last time I’d lived with a group, it went terribly sour. But by this point I was sick of hopscotching around the Bay: it was time to take a risk.

There are many ways to co-habit, ranging from minimal contact to familial.  In previous shared living situations, we shared space, but we didn’t share a vision for the home. When I see others fully at ease, being themselves, I feel more comfortable. At Harmony Home we all want to live in a low-key, warm, and lively space. I cherish the cooking projects, the many guests, and the challenge of navigating conflict skillfully when it arises. I cherish the richness added by each housemate’s interests, humor, music, and conversation. I feel a part of something bigger than myself and my own bubble. As an added bonus, because there are so many of us we’re able to tackle big projects like planting a garden and setting up a grey water system.

I’m starting to feel at peace with the living situation challenges I’ve dealt with in the past. At Harmony Home, we do run into friction, but we’re all invested enough in co-creating a safe, positive space that we work through our conflicts swiftly. This home, with its all of its house plants, two cats, resident tarantula, and Mother Earth swag everywhere on everything, is where it’s at for me.

Photo by Andy Sutterfield

Photo by Andy Sutterfield

 

Finding Your Roommate Soulmate… on Craigslist

My roommate and I are what you might call: roommate soulmates. We compliment each other perfectly in the fine art of living with someone and not wanting to kill each other. And yes, we met through Craigslist.

To be honest, I love using Craigslist to find roommates. I think it’s usually easier to live with people that you don’t already have a connection with. At first, living with a friend seems like a great idea: you know the other person isn’t crazy, they’re generally neat, you guys have the same interests and hang out on weekends anyways. But, being goods friends does not necessarily make you good roommates.

Remember when Chandler kisses Joey’s girlfriend in Friends and Joey makes Chandler sit in a box to prove his friendship? Yeah—well you’re going to wish you could put someone in a box just because they haven’t done their dishes for a few days. But since you’re friends, and not just roommates, you probably won’t because you could damage the friendship. Yay passive aggression.

It’s also important to remember there is also that point at which friends spend TOO much time together. Everyone needs their space. I’m not saying living with someone you already know is an absolute no-no… but you have been warned.

So, if you’ve officially decided its time to involve Craigslist in your quest for your ideal roomies you’ve come to the right place. I’ve been on both sides of this battle. I’ve been the one looking for a room and I’ve been the one deciding which lucky soul gets a room. I live in San Francisco so finding housing is rough. Having done this 3 or 4 times in the past year, I have some tips for everyone involved to make the process a bit smoother.

If you’re looking for a room:

  • Prep for the perfect response.  

When you start responding to emails craft 4–5 sentences mentioning your age, job situation, smoker/non-smoker, if you have friends/family in the area, if you have pets. Are you home a lot or always out of the house? Mention some of your interests and favorite tv shows—keep it lighthearted—comedies and wine usually go over well.

If there is a definite start date that you need to be into an apartment—be sure you mention it. If that date just doesn’t work, you’re wasting everyone’s time.

Add all ways to contact you upfront (phone, email, skype, owl…)—seems obvious but sadly it’s not.

This is your base email. Use this as a starting point when you respond to posts. And when you do respond to a post, paste the URL of the original post at the bottom of the email for your own use. When the post owner responds, you will have the link so you can re-read which post was theirs. If you don’t do this you will only see the email that you sent them (which is likely to look very similar to the 15 others you sent out today…)

  • Be flexible.

It’s rough out there. At least where I live. And when we were looking for a roomie a few months ago I can tell you, the more flexible and available you were, the more likely you were to get the room. If you know you’re looking for an apartment this week—clear your schedule beforehand. You want to be able to respond immediately and say, “Yes, I can meet up tonight!” And then when they say, “Oh shoot—actually can you do tomorrow?” You say, “Yes! That’s no problem. When should I come by?” You are understanding and open to changes—as any good roomie should be.

Which also applies to move in dates. Even though we said the room is available on the 1st…. roomie A has to move stuff out while roomie B moves his/her stuff into roomie A’s room… while you move your stuff into roomie B’s room. The point is, if you have any flexibility on move in dates, mention it either in the initial email, a follow up email, or when you meet.

  • Treat the process like a job interview.

When you go to see the apartment, act enthusiastic unless you absolutely despise the place. You may find it is your best option later on and find yourself wishing you hadn’t cringed at the small closet.

Once you’ve seen the apartment and met the roomies, if your conclusion is that you want the apartment—tell them in person that if they offer it, you will take it. You don’t want to make them feel pressured—simply offer up the information that they may already be wondering. I am more likely to offer a room to someone if I already know they want it.

Follow up. Seriously guys. It says a lot to simply send an email after seeing the apartment thanking them for their time and saying or repeating that you would take the room if they offered it to you.

If you’re looking for a roomie:

  • Write a great post.

Include photos of the apartment. I’m just going to let this statement stand on it’s own for a while because it’s that important. People like photos. People want to respond to posts with photos. Take good ones where the rooms are tidy and the closet has more hanging in it than sad coathangers. Include photos of the room itself as well as some of the common areas. The more, the better.

Write about each individual roomie (1-2 sentences per person) and the general atmosphere of the apartment. Are you all already friends? Did you all meet on Craigslist? Do you have Wine Wednesdays?! Can I join!!?

Ask for a Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter link. You first gut about a person is often right—in this case, online stalking is good. Also, you don’t need their explicit permission to do a little googling.

Make any absolutes/strong preferences clear. If you can’t have pets in the apartment—say it. If you would really prefer that someone move in the 5th even though the room is technically open the 1st—say it. If you don’t, you will get lots of emails from cat lovers who need to move in by the 1st.

Create a separate email account (or use an old account) which makes it much easier to navigate your responses. It’s also incredibly helpful if you have multiple people who are looking at and replying to the responses.

  • Clean. But not too much.

Once you’ve responded to some potential roomies and they’re on their way to meet you, clean the apartment—but not too much. Make the place presentable, but not drastically cleaner or more organized than usual. Maybe they’re a slob too, the fact that your place is now spotless will make them think they won’t fit in.

  • Nothing is final until a lease is signed.

I learned this the hard way last time. Girl was super interested, we told her she had the place, she was psyched, she ended up backing out because she had crazy overbearing parents who freaked out because we (two 24 year old adults) had lots of booze on top of our fridge. True story. Unless a lease or sublease is signed, try to keep your 2nd and 3rd choices as options. I think the best thing to do is to tell the runners up that you offered the place to someone BUT he/she hasn’t responded yet and they’re next on the list!!

If this is a sublease situation, be sure you actually have something down in writing. It’s easy to alter a basic sublease agreement for your needs. Just use simple writing and make sure you read everything through. Print out a copy for every person and have everyone sign all the copies.

Now, I’m not going to guarantee that taking these steps will lead you to your one and only roommate soulmate. It’s hard to tell whether someone is a great fit until you’ve actually lived with them. But, they will certainly make the process easier and get you more offers, if you need a room, or more quality people, if you need a roomie. Good luck out there on your own Craigslist quest.

CraigslistHero1

Photo by Sara Hamling

Why You Should Own a Plunger

Why don’t you own a plunger? No, seriously, why in whatever-you-think-is-holy’s name don’t you own one?

Are you scared that you might actually have to use it?

Let’s be honest: everyone has a different digestive system and maybe you know what’s best for your needs in your humble abode, but there are people out there (ahem, me!) without the luxury of a happy stomach. And we visit you. And sometimes we eat cheese or ice cream or butter. Don’t underestimate the number of lactose intolerants in your life. There are a lot of us out there, and we’re here to tell you: GET A DAMN PLUNGER!

If I’m at someone’s house or apartment, before I sit down (and yes, I sit, every time), if I don’t have a visual check on a plunging apparatus, I get performance anxiety. Even if it’s only number one.

There is no good reason not to have one. Plus, they can be very useful, not only for the expected reason, but for other household issues. I’ve used mine to unclog an unruly kitchen sink after the garbage disposal cut out. Trust me, no matter how much you love your disposal, your disposal does not love potato or cucumber skins. Remember this the next time you’re making potato latkes. And keep the plunger handy.

For those of you who are just hearing about a plunger for the first time and have NO clue how to use it. Here’s a quick how-to:

  • You will need to engage your plunging skills if the water level in your toilet is very low or very high. Basically any extreme water level will need your services.
  • Raise the toilet seat and place the plunger inside the base of the bowl. Do slow, up and down motions, pushing the rubber section in and out. The water should go down to a very small amount.
  • Time to flush! Repeat the above steps as necessary.
  • Post plunger cleaning etiquette: Put the plunger back in the clean toilet water and flush! If your plunger requires further cleaning, try the tips recommended by eHow. They recommend pouring two cups of white vinegar in your toilet bowl before putting the plunger back in the water.

So, now that I’ve explained how to use a plunger and successfully convinced those of you who don’t own one to head out to your local Home Depot, Target, or Dollar Tree (yes!) and pick one up, let me tell you some signs of an adequate one:

  • Do not buy a plunger that looks like it’s for a five year old. The handle should stand at least 2 feet tall. Meaning you shouldn’t have to bend to pick it up. Those mini space-saving toilet tidy-ers will only cause more drama than is already at hand.
  • Don’t buy the cheapest one at the store. Unless you’re totally broke, this is just asking for trouble.
  • If you live on the East Coast, you will most likely need a more industrial-strength plunger. Those pipes are way too old to handle our oversized food–obsessed culture.
  • If you live in Middle America, or on the West Coast, your standard $10-$15 plunger should do.
  • Buy a pretty plunger. Try to have it “go” with your décor. Because why not?
  • Mine has a black base and clear, spindled handle. It’s elegant, yet efficient.
  • Lastly, display this thing right where everyone can see it. Next to the toilet, where it belongs. No hiding-it-under-the-sink-business. And there should be one in every bathroom—otherwise your party guests are going to have to go snooping around and eventually will have to ask for your help. WE DON’T WANT YOUR HELP. EVER. Let us plunge in peace.

Look, you can either heed my advice, go out and buy a plunger and welcome the many thanks of your friends, OR you don’t. It’s your choice. But everyone needs a best friend and your toilet is lonely. And shit gets messy. Pun intended.

plunger

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

FML: I’m Locked Out

Locking yourself out of your home can be stressful: a fact I know very well now after locking myself out of my apartment three times. There is no worse feeling than your stomach dropping when you realize you’re standing outside your own door with no way in.

The very first thing you need to do is make a copy of your key. Stop what you’re doing right now, go to Home Depot (or your local hardware store—heck even Wal-Mart copies keys), and get it over with. Go now! They’re open late, and it costs less than five dollars. It took me three lock-outs before I bucked up and got a spare key—don’t let that happen to you.

You have a couple options for what to do with your spare. You can hide the key somewhere nearby, but be smart about it. Don’t just put it under the mat—we all know about that one for a reason! Try to find a reliable friend to hold onto it (preferably a friend in relative walking distance in the event you get locked out without your phone).

Planning for a lockout is easy, but there’s nothing you can do if you’re without a spare key and already locked out. If you have a roommate, you could just wait it out if time isn’t an issue. But if you live by yourself, your roommate is out of town, or you’ve locked the baby you’re babysitting inside, you’ll need to reach out for help. If your building manager lives on site or is easy to reach, there is a very good chance they have a spare set of keys and can let you back in. If you haven’t already, program your manager’s phone number into your phone—this is also just a good thing to have. Unfortunately, my building manager was very helpful but didn’t actually have keys to any of the apartments in my building.

Before you call the dreaded locksmith, you’ll probably consider breaking into the apartment yourself—but wait! Unless you live in the middle of nowhere (where you can’t even walk to a gas station and/or borrow a phone) or it is a life-or-death emergency, DO NOT break in to your house or apartment. Trust me: no matter how much you want to just smash your way in, you’ll regret it. Plus, windows are expensive to replace (especially compared to the expense of the locksmith), one of your neighbors might call the police thinking you are up to something nefarious, and, if you live in a rental, you could be in serious trouble with your landlord.

Okay, so you actually need to call the locksmith. Finding a locksmith is one Google search away: that’s the easy part. If you don’t have a smart phone, call 411 to get the number for a locksmith. If you lock yourself out without your phone, you can either knock on neighbors’ doors (if you feel comfortable with that) or walk to the closest gas station or deli and borrow a phone.

When you call, ALWAYS get a quote over the phone first. The quote depends on location, time of day/week, and what they ultimately have to do to get the lock open. And, as expected with anyone with skills in demand, the locksmith will try to overcharge you if you don’t know what you should pay in advance. There’s a minimum price (a “service fee”) for having the locksmith drive out to you, even if you end up not using their services—usually this is about $50. It will be more if you’re locked out at night or on the weekend, so be prepared for that as well.

ALWAYS ask specifically what the price is for a Schlage doorknob lock (one of the most popular brands of quality doorknobs) or something similar. If you just ask for a nonspecific price, they’ll tell you what it will cost for a ‘minimum’ lock—think a crappy bathroom doorknob. The front door of your apartment is going to be a higher quality lock, not a ‘minimum’ lock, and will, therefore, cost more. The difference could be as much as $50-$100 dollars more! Don’t let yourself get caught off-guard. A typical lockout will cost about $90-$120, depending on where you are.

Don’t be afraid to ask if there is a possible discount if you pay in cash. The answer will almost certainly be yes, and the locksmith might even wait for you to get cash out from a nearby ATM if you ask nicely. If the phone operator tells you there won’t be a discount, ask the locksmith when he or she gets there. Locksmiths may be a bit more willing to work with you than the operator. If you have to pay with a card, unfortunately, this isn’t too helpful.

When the locksmith arrives, he or she will assess the lock before starting work and give you a quote for the work required. Again, this quote may differ from the quote you got over the phone, which is why it’s so important to be armed with the best information possible. DO NOT pay more than $200 to get your door opened, unless there’s a baby or a starving pet inside. Catching the new episode of Grey’s because you forgot to set it to record does not justify paying that much money. (Even for the season finale.) If you’re paying cash, in my experience, you shouldn’t pay more than $120 (and even that is pushing it). The key is to not be afraid of negotiation. The worst thing that can happen is that you get the price as low as they’ll go, even if it’s still out of your comfort zone. Being a bit of a bitch is your friend: embrace it! There’s no set price for what locksmiths do, so there is ALWAYS wiggle room. At the very minimum, tell them you’ll tip in cash even if you have to pay the rest with a card. Remember, they’re looking out for themselves too.

So, you’ve settled on price, and the locksmith goes to work. Every time I’ve called someone out to my apartment, they’ve tried to pick the lock unsuccessfully before telling me they have to drill the lock. While this is absolutely a trick of the locksmith trade, there’s a step in between the two that involves a hammer and a normal key, one of which the locksmith will definitely have with him. He puts the key in the lock and hits it with the hammer until the door opens. Yes this is technically breaking the lock, but once you’re inside, he can reset it with your newly repossessed key. Again, there is no harm in asking (even if you think you’re being more overbearing than necessary). If it works, there’s no lock replacement necessary (which is what would have happened if they had drilled).

Congratulations! You’re finally back inside! And it was only slightly painful, I hope. The fact of the matter is getting locked out can be embarrassing and expensive, but it doesn’t have to be stressful if you’re prepared. There’s always a way to get back in, even if it means paying the “idiot fee” to a locksmith because you don’t have a spare key stashed away yet. Which brings us back to where I started: GO TO HOME DEPOT AND GET A SPARE KEY. Even if you never use it, $5 is a lot cheaper than $150! And tell all your friends to do the same, before you have to deal with their lockouts too.

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Photo by Meaghan Morrison