Tag Archives: healthy eating

Learning How to Actively Take Care of my Body Without Hating It

April 9, 2014 Emily Knight 7 Comments

As a lady who lives on Earth, I have some body issues. Luckily, these didn’t really start for me until I was 17 (which is apparently, and distressingly, a pretty late age to begin worrying about this stuff, considering that some start as young as 9 years old.)

The Old

So, what happened at age 17? The birth control pill. Over the course of the first two to three months I was on it, I gained 20 pounds. I was definitely never skinny to begin with, but this was the first time I thought of myself as actually “fat.” Before the year was out, I was on Weight Watchers and I stuck to it pretty diligently. I lost that 20 pounds after following the program for a few months but even though the scale said 145, I still looked in the mirror and felt 165. And, yet, despite insisting that the fat-free ice cream (which, as someone who has since made her own ice cream—how is that created??) tastes just as good as the regular, religiously checking the calorie count on all the breads at the supermarket and weighing that against the size and density of the slices, going to bed hungry and looking forward exclusively to eating in the morning, I was done.

Policing one’s weight is hard work. I didn’t want to do it anymore. But I had been raised to be a hard worker, to not quit just because I haven’t succeeded, and to excel at all the things I do. So a few months later, I tried again, with some other plan. And then another. And another. They really all blurred together over the next six years or so. But in trying and failing to lose weight, I gained it. And kept gaining. Sometimes, just deciding to count calories again would be enough and I wouldn’t even lose anything, just start to slowly gain. I would constantly berate myself with the pinpoint-accurate, harsh criticism that only I can inflict on myself. Too bad fat shaming doesn’t actually motivate weight loss and actually predicts weight gain instead, ‘cause that’s what happened.

It took a long time to realize that my sizeism was hurting me. (How interesting—there is a red squiggly line under this word. “Did you mean ‘sexism’?” Microsoft Word asks. No. Then again…) It took even longer to realize that the reason I had trouble (strike that, have trouble) letting go of my sizeism is because that would mean that I would have to reject that idea that if I were just less lazy and weak-willed, I could be better. To accept the idea that I’d been going about it all wrong for five freaking years. But I had been.

Dieting does not work. Not even if you don’t call it a diet. Not even if you are just “trying to eat healthier” or “just eating whole foods” or “counting calories.” It is actually, as that last link explains and my body can tell you firsthand, a predictor of future weight gain. Because, of course, those things do work! For a while. And then they don’t anymore and you end up with more health problems than you would have if you had just stayed kinda fat, which is, in fact, not a health problem.

As you can probably tell, this is something I have spent a lot of time and feelings on. About a year ago, I was seriously freaking out. I weighed more than I ever had, I was feeling like crap about myself, and whenever I even thought about dieting, my body started freaking out from deprivation anxiety and I couldn’t last a week. The definition of insanity is when a person tries the same thing again and again and blahblahblah… I’m still fat. That’s when I went crazy with the online research. That’s when I finally admitted I had a huge body image problem and a terrible relationship with food. That’s when I went to see a body image counselor.

The New

Here is what I do now: I practice intuitive eating. I do not restrict what I can eat—I’ll eat whatever I damn well please, since restricting it is what screwed me up in the first place. But I do pay attention to my fullness. I do consider how my body will feel—not look, feel—after eating whatever I’m considering. And I do work to take care of my stress, unhappiness, loneliness, and whatever-other-feelings with methods that are not soothing them with tasty food. My love of cooking has been both a help and a hindrance to this. I cook what I want, just like I eat what I want, but I still try to consult with my digestive tract to figure out what is going to make me the happiest. I try—and this is always a battle—to truly and honestly consider my health, vitamins, nutrients, and essential food groups, etc. over my weight when making dinner. This is the hardest thing I still struggle with.

As for exercise, I similarly exercise where and when and how I want. I try to refuse exercise that I feel like I “should” do and only do what I want to do. Instead of daily runs and elliptical work, I get to do an activity that I actually really enjoy doing, instead of just appreciating it as a way to burn calories. I regularly practice yoga, bike to work, dance in tap classes, and play Quidditch. Doing exercise because I like it while I’m doing it instead of just feeling self-congratulatory afterwards gives me the opportunity to do it without the guilt and self-pressure to exercise as a means of eating more. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone for a run (a thing I despise) instead of riding my bike because it was a faster calorie burn and I was having people over for dinner later. This is a recipe for a terrible relationship with both exercise and food.

Finally, a part of what I do that you won’t find in any size policing plan: managing my psyche. Real talk: I’d love to lose some of the weight I’ve gained from my past dieting experiences. It would be awesome. But to avoid dieting again—a constant temptation despite my past experiences—I work hard to make sure I feel happy and beautiful how I am. As a big Pinterest fan, I noticed I felt lousy every time I went on—because all the fashion boards I follow have only skinny white women. I immediately found five “fat fashion” boards to follow. Seeing these beautiful women of all shapes and sizes and colors makes me feel like I can be beautiful too. We see obese people in the world a lot, nearly always portrayed as lazy, stupid, face-stuffers. It is no wonder that nearly everyone is sizeist, even fat and obese people! Seeing them as beautiful and sexy everyday does wonders.

Clothes shopping is another battle against feeling good, but I do it because I like fashion and want to get dressed every morning feeling like I look stylish and fun. For a long time, I kept thinspiration clothes in my closet, hoping, knowing that I would fit into them someday. What a great way to feel like shit every morning! I have since gotten rid of them and replaced them with things that look good on me now.

Keeping up with fat acceptance and fat positivity bloggers has been awesome. This is more deprogramming of my sizeism and it makes me a better human to both others and myself. Isabel Foxen Duke is sassy and funny and sends weekly e-mails reminding me to continue the awesomeness. Others: Dances with Fat, Nude Muse, and Fat Nutritionist.

The Future

To even suggest, let alone say outright, that I am all fantastic and super happy all the time in my fat body and always make the best choices would be ridiculous. I’m still learning. But I do:

Refuse to bully myself or let others bully me around food and exercise choices
Actively work to love myself and how I look
Allow myself to thoughtfully eat whatever the hell I want to and exercise however and whenever the hell I want to
Seek out others who will support my positivity

Let me tell you: these things make a huge difference. It’s a lot of work to love yourself, especially if that self is not deemed “loveable” by society. But it is most definitely worth the effort.

Photo by Michelle White

Food

We Don’t Know Shit About Food

March 20, 2014 We Don't Know Leave a comment

“[T]he thinkings and unthinkings and giving and taking of the diet industry and numerous health experts and peer-reviewed journals and your mom and my mom and that guy over there and your yoga instructor have turned into a veritable cluster fuck of information that all circles around food, but never actually settles down to just talk about it. It’s quickly leading me to believe that we literally (in the actual sense of the word) don’t know shit about food.” – Nikki Steele, “We Don’t Know Sh** About Food, Do We?” on Food Riot

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m about to give up on food and just consume Soylent for the foreseeable rest-of-my-life. Keeping up on “this is bad for you” and “that is bad for you” is like standing with one foot each on a Volvo semi-truck, but without the balance and flexibility of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s stunt double. No matter what, you’re going to fail, and you have no idea how horrible the consequences might be. For all I know, they’ll come back in a year and tell me Soylent is bad for me too (but at least this version isn’t made of people).

I hear I’m supposed to drink water all day—but plastic is bad for me (and even worse for the environment). I should make my own meals instead of buying so much fast food—but don’t even think of microwaving that in plastic Tupperware. Don’t you know you’re supposed slowly heat everything up on the stove, dirtying a pan, a spatula, a pair of tongs, a plate, and a fork and knife? But, by the way, your city is in a drought, so don’t overuse water when you clean all those dishes.

And that’s just how you eat. Don’t even get your mother, brother, cousin, mailperson, dog, registered dietician started on what you eat. Paleo and keto are all the rage (I can’t even tell how they’re supposedly different). It’s like Atkins 2.0—I think. For a carboholic like me, it’s hell: I tried giving carbs up for Lent a couple years ago, and it turned me into an angry ball of stress. My friends highly encouraged me to quit a week early in order to preserve our relationships.

The only thing that’s obvious is that culture and society have fucked us up. We’ve been encouraged at a young age to suppress our natural full indicator and “clean your plate, because children in Africa are starving.” Our own food industry is more interested in a profit than in healthy consumers, so Lord Monsanto calls all the shots. I change my mind on GMO foods every other week. And, as a 20-something female, I’m pretty sure it’s physically impossible for me to achieve the idealized American femme fatale physique without seriously impacting the happiness I find in the bottom of a bowl of ice cream.

How do you deal with the information overload? Do you have a resource with whom you entrust your health and happiness? Please enlighten me!

Meggyn Watkins is the Managing Editor of the UNDERenlightened. Fiction reader, local art prowler, concert-goer, BBC watcher, world traveler, and San Jose Sharks lover! @meggawat

Photo by Michelle White

Food

Learning to Live Gluten Free

March 27, 2013 Jennifer Dorsey Leave a comment

Chances are, if you walk around any grocery store, you will see signs of the gluten-free movement. Some stores have entire sections; others have bright, noticeable labels to help you find products free of wheat, barely, rye and other gluten ingredients. What you may not know is that these products are not just a side effect of the latest fad diet; it’s how millions of people around the country with gluten intolerance and celiac disease manage their condition.

I won’t go into terrible detail here on symptoms and diagnosis, or what it’s like to react to gluten. Gluten intolerance symptoms are very specific, not only to the person but also to the amount of gluten ingested, and many people’s symptoms also change over time. But for the curious, you can check out this pretty comprehensive list.

What I am more interested in explaining here is the “how.” How do you live without gluten and not hole up in your apartment, destined to never eat anything other than fruits and vegetables grown in your own backyard…? Fine, that’s a little overboard, but it really can be tough at first. However, it is doable and, with a little work, can easily become just another part of your daily life.

Do Your Research

You must do research in order to understand how to live with this disease. But don’t just go and scour the big bad west of the Internet without a bit of planning and a cautious eye.

There are many exaggerations, lies, and outright scams out there when it comes to anything medical (or, I guess, any topic created). This problem especially applies to gluten intolerance because it has become such a fad to not eat gluten. So instead, here are some tried and true resources to get you started on the right track.

There’s much more out there, and some of it is quite good. Just make sure it’s coming from a reputable source before believing it.

Learn to Love Food Shopping

Raise your hand if you like food shopping. If you’re like me, your hand is firmly plastered to your side because the idea of going into the grocery store at least once a week for tons of specific things is, well, akin to a dental appointment. I’m with you. I feel your pain. And I promise, it gets easier.

Food shopping is important because (1) you need to buy a lot of fresh foods to stay both healthy and gluten-free, and (2) that’s the only way you are going to eat anything that isn’t bland meat, fruits, and veggies.

Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Giant Foods, and Wegmans all have great selections of gluten free products—from pasta to breads to baking goods—it’s all there. Just make sure you also learn to read labels. Many sauces, oils, and even spices have gluten. If in doubt, ask an employee, or consult a trusted list, before you buy.

Cook? Yes, You’ll Have To Do That, Too

For some of you, stepping into the kitchen may bring pure joy. But if you’re the kind of person who prides yourself on your PB&J skills with a side interest in boiling water, then this may take a bit of extra effort. But it’s totally worth it.

There are many great recipe sites and books out there, sharing both original concoctions and plays on traditional meals with the right substitutions. You may not be very good at them at first. That’s fine. It will get easier, just like cooking does in general. Eventually, you will love how easy it is to make your favorite recipes without any gluten at all.

Pro Tip: If you share a kitchen with those who are blessed with a tolerance for gluten-y goodness, it’s good practice to have a separate set of cooking utensils, pots and pans, and baking sheets. Gluten contamination happens all too easily on these surfaces. Also be sure to extensively clean your kitchen counters and other prep areas before and after every use, and also thoroughly clean any shared plates, utensils, or cups. While those who are not as seriously affected by gluten may not find these small contaminations bothersome, those with full-blown celiac disease often get sick from even the smallest interactions. It’s a good habit to learn.

You Have to Be Pickier About Where You Eat Out

The good news is that you don’t have to give up restaurants, happy hours, and late night munching. The bad news is that your favorite spots may or may not still be viable for you. Many more restaurants and other eateries now cater to those of us who can’t eat 98% of their food anyway. Pizza places, burger joints, and sit-down establishments are now dedicating parts of their menus to us. But even then, there are few things to keep in mind.

Here’s how to find the best places that will handle your requests with ease:

Call ahead and ask for a manager. They will be able to tell you any accommodations they offer and how broad their options are. While some restaurants have dedicated separate menus, others just modify a couple of their recipes by substituting something for something else. These may be good options, but still be wary. Their kitchen staff may not be as attentive and you’ll need to be extra vigilant in making sure they do it right.

Try to be familiar with the menu beforehand. This will save you review time and allow you to more specifically handle working with the staff so that you don’t slow down the whole process. Also, it cuts down on surprises.

Tell your waiter or waitress as soon as you are seated that you have a gluten allergy. She’ll ensure you have the proper menu and will tell you if there’s anything you should be aware of. This will also give you more time to work out the details while the rest of your party has time to make their selections. Often, this will even prompt a manager to come over, who will likely be more familiar with the processes of the kitchen and handling food sensitivities. Some restaurants even make this a policy.

Be wary. I hate to say it, but no matter what, eating out is a risk for those with gluten sensitivity. Your food is being prepared in the same place as food with gluten, by a busy and sometimes overworked kitchen staff. While there is still a good chance you will have a perfectly fine experience, be ready for the possibility of contamination and side effects. If your symptoms are severe, be extra careful and consider ordering something entirely from scratch that you know will be gluten free. If the chef says that he can’t guarantee that there won’t be contamination, consider whether this will be okay for you. The risk sometimes may be too high.

If you’re not sure where to start looking for gluten-free friendly establishments, check out the Gluten Free Registry. (It’s comprehensive and covers most of the country.) While it is sometimes a bit outdated, and includes old restaurants or forgets new ones, it’s a great starting point and often will help you think of other places that haven’t even crossed your mind.

Learning to live gluten-free may seem overwhelming, frustrating, and downright unfair, but it will get easier. If you stick to your new habits, are extra vigilant, and are above all patient with yourself and those around you, then the habits and routines will fall into place naturally. Gluten-free living doesn’t need to be hard, it just needs to be done right.

Photo by Jennifer Dorsey