Tag Archives: Featured

Geekery

Trolling For Slang: The Origins of Internet Werdz

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From abbreviations to portmanteaus, to purposefully misspelled words, we exist in a world of beautiful and butchered words: the language of internet slang.  But where does it come from? The internet certainly didn’t invent slang, so how did the :) and lulzing come about?

To truly embrace the etymological journey of internet slang, let us delve into a brief history of Usenet. You might have run across it while trying to “questionably download” files, but back in the day (circa 1979) it was the communications network, and continues to be the oldest one still in use. Usenet was essentially a bulletin board that allowed users to post comments in newsgroups, or topically structured discussions, which they eventually started to call threads (sound familiar?) Fascinating stuff, but what’s really awesome is that they archived everything so people like me (and you, if you’re so inclined) can go frolic in the land of internet fossils.

Lol

Easily one of the most used terms in day-to-day exchanges, the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) officially recognized the word in March of 2011. In pre-internet speak, lol could mean anything from “lots of luck” to “lots of love” and didn’t get its current status until the mid 1980’s when Wayne Pearson (just some dude) wrote an email to a friend about a situation where he found himself literally “laughing out loud.” Wayne wrote a letter explaining all this, but unfortunately he doesn’t have the backup logs to prove this. So, if you require an exact date, OED traces it back to a FidoNews newsletter sent on May 8th, 1989.

Lulz

Seen as a corruption of lol, it is likely that Jameth, an administrator of Encyclopedia Dramatica, was the first to coin this term back in 2004 with his participation in the Lulz News Network. But then again, Encyclopedia Dramatica traces lulz back to a conversation between Jesus and Putin, so, yeah. (Read with caution: if you are easily offended, you will be offended.)

Though it may have started out as a plural for lol, it then evolved into the 4chan meme, “I Did it for the Lulz,” which is now synonymous with the mischievous actions of internet hacker groups LulzSec and Anonymous.

Harhar

Everyone and their mother has been using “haha” to denote laughter but the more sarcastic “harhar” is a recent invention. While the phrase may have originally been “hardy har har,” it is unclear as to whether comedian Jackie Gleason was the first to use it in a Honeymooners skit, or if it was originally uttered in Kubrick’s 1956 The Man Who Knew Too Much.

:-)

Emoticons (aka emotion + icon) are much older than we think. Vertical emoticons can be traced back to a 1881 printing of a satirical magazine called Puck. Though, there are some who argue that an Abe Lincoln speech, transcribed and printed in 1862, was actually the first emoticon sighting. But today’s horizontal :-) is attributed to Scott Fahlman, a Carnegie Mellon professor, who proposed using “the following character sequence for joke markers: :-)” back in 1982.

Fun Fact: The smiley turned 30 last month.

Spam

Unfortunately this is not an acronym for “stupid pointless annoying messages,” but rather we find its source in a Monty Python sketch, aptly named, “Spam.” Basically an old lady tries to order a meal that doesn’t include SPAM, which is impossible because everything on the menu includes SPAM (there’s also Vikings and songs), but it’s a whole thing that boils down to excessive repetition of the word SPAM.

Spam originally had a couple meanings: crashing a person’s computer with too much data, using a computer program to aid in the mass duplication of objects, or flooding a chat window with random, repetitive nonsense. The first spamming incident can be traced back to 1978, but the first use of of the word comes from a MUD, or a multi-user-dungeon (think prehistoric WoW). Here’s some MUDers discussing its origin back in 1990.

But how does that explain the penis drugs, the one cent smartphones, and the “cute girls looking for love”? Thank Sanford “Spamford” Wallace for his ingenious malicious “advertising” strategy.

Fun Fact: SPAM (the meat kind) stands for “Spiced HAM”.

Newbie (and n00b)

The term newbie shows up in the mid-1800’s and likely comes British school yards where incoming students were called “new boy’s” to distinguish their newcomer and/or novice status. But it’s internet debut was over a century later in the talk.bizarre Usenet group and has since been immortalized in Usenet’s Jargon File (like the source for original, untainted hacker slang.)

N00b technically means the same thing except it’s kind of derogatory. Also, it’s an iteration of Leetspeak, which is a whole other universe of sub-culture slang. It’s not entirely clear why Leet was developed (superiority complexes? elitism? privacy? protection from censors?) but Leet’s alternative alphabet went mainstream sometime in the 1980’s.  We’ve now come full circle, transliterating n00b (Leetspeak) back into noob (English?).

Troll

Trolls used to exist in our collective imaginations, but now they are very real, extremely annoying and never seem to go away. The phrase “trolling for newbies” showed up in the early 90’s and was popularized by the Usenet group alt.folklore.urban (AFU).

This excerpt from a February 1990 post may not constitute the first usage of the word, but pretty much sums it up: “You are a shocking waste of natural resources – kindly re-integrate yourself into the food-chain. Just go die in your sleep you mindless flatulent troll.”

FAQ

While we don’t often think of FAQ’s as slang, “Frequently Asked Questions” weren’t common usage until the early 1980’s when Eugene Miya needed a way to limit newbie questions on NASA’s SPACE mailing list. Technically, subscribers were supposed to download an entire database of old questions and read through them before asking new ones. Instead, Eugene gathered those frequently asked questions into one document for easy, efficient downloading. This concept spread to Usenet, where it eventually took on the abbreviation FAQ, and it became netiquette to read the FAQ page before asking newbie questions.

Fun Fact: Some people think it stands for “Frequently Answered Questions.”

Extra Credit: @replies

The @ reply was used only four days into Twitter’s existence, back in March of 2006, to designate that users were “at” a place (i.e. @ work). It wasn’t until November of that year that two users, Neil Crosby and Ben Darlow, started up a conversation using the @ replies as we know them today. It took another two months for the twitterverse to sort itself out and agree to the @username (instead of @ username). Read the in-depth story over here.

Let’s be honest, I didn’t even scratch the surface with my selection of internet slang, but I had to stop somewhere :-)

Editor’s Note: Apologies for all the links, but I am a troll.

(Actual Editor’s Note: Obs, I did it for the lulz.) 

Relationships

Expectations vs. Realities: Dating

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Dating.

It seems like such a foreign word, conjuring thoughts of Pleasantville and getting pinned and going steady. I don’t know when it happened, perhaps with the advent of technology (most specifically social networking), but the process of dating is a journey lined with hurdles and nothing like the idealized (essentially fictionalized) version we think of.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard the phrase: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (or princess, as the case may be).” But the problem with that advice is that everyone focuses on the idea of finding their prince(ss), as opposed to kissing those hundreds of frogs. Why would they? Let’s be honest–it’s a messy process.

So, let’s break it down.

You’ve met a guy. He’s cute. You’re interested. He’s interested. Seems like it should be a no-brainer from there, right?

Wrong.

Of course it’s not that easy.  If it were that easy, Sex and the City wouldn’t have been on the air for six seasons and Cosmopolitan wouldn’t have any readers.

Dating is supposed to be the process through which two people find out if they’re compatible enough to start a relationship with each other. However, what it’s turned into is a series of false hopes and constant miscommunications that’s never as easy as your average romantic comedy would let you believe. But it CAN be fun. I promise!

Expectation #1: He knows you’re interested, and he’ll make a move.

The reality is, unless there has been confirmation from multiple people, he probably has NO clue that you’re into him.  This part of dating is the absolute worst. It feels like middle school and waiting impatiently for a crumpled note that reads, “Check Y or N, DO U LIKE ME?” to make its way back to you with an answer. During this time, your friends are going to have a ton of “useful” advice that might help or just delay whatever union is going to happen. So here’s what I say: screw it. If you’re interested, why wait for the confirmation? Be the first one to speak up. If he thinks the words, “I like you,” are too scary to hear, you’re better off not going out in the first place. And, if he likes you too, he might be totally relieved you took the pressure of saying it first off and thank you for it.

So, you’ve confirmed you like him, and he likes you. And you’ve made a move. Or he’s made a move. Regardless, a move has been made. Smooth-ish sailing so far…

Expectation #2: He’ll make plans to see you.

Reality Check: He wants to make plans to see you. I’m sure he really, really does. But there are so many scheduling factors fighting against you.  Work, sleep, friends, family, the list goes on. And balance isn’t always everyone’s forte. Thankfully, we live in a time where phones and the Internet are available, and until you can meet face-to-face, this isn’t a bad way to keep communication going. So try not to stress. If he’s into you (and you’re into him), you’ll find the time to see each other.

Expectation #3: If your plans with him are a priority, his plans with you are a priority.

Not always. It’s the beginning, and things are going to happen slowly. Try not to get impatient, as impossible as that may sound. But sitting, staring at your phone, wondering if he’s lost interest or if his schedule really is that packed isn’t going to make him make plans with you any faster. If anything, pestering him may make him want to make plans with you less.

Frustration Solution: Find a safe friend to vent to and distract yourself with commiserating.

Expectation #4: You share the same ideas about sex.

This is the worst one to assume and most often the one that causes the most problems. Unless you’ve talked about it beforehand, you’re more than likely not on the same page. Doesn’t mean you can’t be, but you need to start with some very important questions. The first one being: if you sleep together, does that mean you’re exclusive? Does it make things more serious? Follow up: what kind of protection are we using? Second follow up: how would you handle an accidental pregnancy?

Boys, have you stopped breathing yet? If you have, good. And listen up. These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my mind when dealing with sex. I know that STDs aren’t gender exclusive, but until you have to worry about getting knocked up, you can’t really understand. This is why I, for one, take sex as a serious step. So ladies, if this is true for you too—for the love of your ovaries (and sanity)—TALK ABOUT IT FIRST. A casual, “Hey, if we sleep together, we’re using a condom and I don’t want you seeing other people,” will suffice. Then, you’ve said your piece and given him the opportunity to go all in or back out. Because even if sex isn’t a casual thing for you, doesn’t mean it’s NOT for him.

Pro Tip: Please make sure your clothes are still on at this point. I have it on good authority that once clothes are off, people stop comprehending words and just hear noises (and will pretty much nod at anything just as long as it means you’ll stay naked).

Expectation #5: You’re both available and interested in a relationship.

You both like each other. You’ve gone out. Maybe you’ve slept together. You’ve successfully started dating! Yay?

Final Reality Check: Make sure you’re on the same page about where things are going. If you’re interested in a relationship and he’s looking for someone to call for a convenient hook up, it’s not going to work out. If he’s still into his ex and looking for a rebound, do you really want to keep seeing him? Oh, and if he has a significant other who “knows about you, and is totally fine with it, but still refuses to introduce you,” run as fast as you can.

If any of the above is true, don’t fret. After all, that’s what tequila’s for. And if that doesn’t help, don’t forget there are a few hundred more frogs out there ready to be kissed, too.

Photo by Michelle White

Brainfood

EXTRAenlightenment 9/28/12

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Here’s some of the enlightenment we found on the web this week.

  • It wouldn’t be EXTRAenlightenment without at least one delicious recipe. This week Emily Knight brings you persian love whoopie pies.

Read some good enlightenment this week? Tweet it to us @UNDERenlightend. 

Sports

Sporting 101: Quidditch

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There is a surprising literary phenomenon creeping into the rather exclusive world of sports. Over the last six years, a new game has begun infiltrating the country. It started on college campuses and has quickly been adopted by high school and community teams alike.

This so-called sport may seem typical enough at first glance, albeit with some borrowed equipment. Goalpost? Check. Dodgeball? Check. Volleyball? Check. Broomstick? Chec—wait…What?

Meet Quidditch.

If you catch yourself staring and wondering if that is merely a made-up word… technically, it is. But this is a word that has become a part of the world’s vernacular by way of a little wizarding franchise known as Harry Potter. Now, book-loving Potterheads, athletes, and numerous people in between have joined forces to bring this fictional sport into a very real arena.

It doesn’t take long to realize that this isn’t your average sport—Wizard Quidditch is typically played while flying on a broomstick. Since mere Muggles (that’s “non-wizards” for Potter newbies) can’t actually fly, the game has been adapted to suit the needs of its fanbase. Muggle Quidditch is a game where two seven-player teams charge each other, while straddling broomsticks, and try to throw balls through goals typically constructed out of hula-hoops. It sounds utterly ridiculous but it’s also ridiculously fun.

In Quidditch, the offense is made up of three “Chasers” who try to throw a volleyball (called a “Quaffle”) through the three hoops on either side of the field. Two “Beaters,” on defense, try to stop this by throwing dodgeballs (or “Bludgers”) at the opposing team. Each team has one “Keeper” who serves as a goalie, guarding the hoops.”

But perhaps the most exciting part of this crazy sport is the role of each team’s “Seeker” and the sole “Snitch.” In the Harry Potter universe, the Snitch is a little gold ball that flies around the field and surrounding area, and must be captured by a Seeker to conclude the game. The team whose Seeker catches the Snitch receives a set amount of points, which may or may not be enough for that team to win. In Muggle Quidditch, the Snitch has been replaced by a ball at the bottom of a sock that has been tucked into the waistband of a person (dressed in gold) who runs off the field at the start of the game. From there, the two Seekers must scour not only the field, but the entire park or campus, to capture the elusive Snitch. There is no place too obscure for the person serving as Snitch to hide. I have spotted a Snitch up in a tree and chilling on top of an exceptionally tall dumpster. They are often seen careening over spectators and even performing acrobatics to avoid being caught.

But probably the greatest thing about Quidditch is its allure for Harry Potter fans, both athletically-inclined and not, who are able to participate in a sport that blurs the lines between fiction and reality. Despite living my entire life with an utter apathy for sports, I finally found cause to join my first sports team. I spend my free time practicing at a local park where people routinely stop, puzzled, to ask us what we are playing or shout out to us, “Is that Quidditch?”

And while we have a lot of fun, we also play hard. There have been plenty of concussions, broken bones, twisted ankles, and assorted other minor injuries, but we keep playing because we love it. Because we want to keep the story of Harry Potter alive. And we do it in the name of a book series that convinced even the most uncoordinated of us that we, too, can fly.

To learn more about Quidditch, or to find a team, visit www.InternationalQuidditch.org. 

Photo by Mindy Rice

Transportation

How I (Accidentally) Suspended My Drivers’ License

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January 2012.

The squad car’s floodlight glares through my rear-view mirror. I wait, berating myself for being stupid enough to talk on my phone while driving in California. It’s night, so no one can see you, right? Wrong. The cop returns to my window with my registration and license.

“Ma’am, are you aware that your license is suspended?”
Wait, what? “Uh, no, it is?”
“It looks like it has been since last May.”
It’s been suspended for EIGHT months!? …WHAT?!

Rewind to November 2010, almost two years ago, in sunny Santa Cruz, CA. I executed a perfect California stop at a stop sign as I was turning right. Excellent form. Unfortunately, the motorcycle cop sitting across the street wasn’t impressed. I waited to get my ticket notification in the mail, cough up a painful amount of money, and just forget the whole thing. But the notice never came. I even called the traffic court (months later), but the line was always busy. I couldn’t find the citation number on my receipt, so I thought, “Great! He didn’t actually cite me. Case closed.”

Fast forward to August 2011. (My license is already suspended but I won’t find out about it for another six months.) I was lost in Berkeley and accidentally crossed Martin Luther King, Jr. Boulevard at 5:28pm. This is important because I, and the three other cars getting tickets, missed the tiny sign telling us it was illegal to cross MLK, Jr. Blvd. between 4 pm and 6 pm on weekdays. As expected, I received a citation notice in the mail (several months later) and planned to pay it on time like the law-abiding citizen I am.

So here we are again in January 2012. I now have two tickets—one forgotten, one yet to be paid—and I’ve just been told my license has been suspended. (Ironically, I was about to pay MLK, Jr.’s ticket before this all happened.) I’m essentially on house arrest for the next week and a half. I stew and fume and tell the universe exactly what I think of it for being so unfair…you try being stuck inside your parents’ house for a week. Then I decide to be an adult about the whole thing and look up traffic citation policies. I find out that notifications are mailed to your address as a “courtesy.” Apparently, in California at least, the driver is still responsible for paying the fine or going to court even if they don’t receive a notice. Ugh. Humbled by the traffic gods, any sense of ego is reduced to a pulp as I try to explain to my friends why they have to pick me up so we can hang out.

Nevertheless, I gather together what sense of self I have left, and start calling the various traffic courts and fee collecting companies. In case you find yourself in a similar situation, start by calling the traffic court in the county where you got the ticket that you forgot to pay. I call the Santa Cruz traffic court, because that ill-fated California stop happened there. Make sure you ask questions and understand how to best pay your overdue fine–every county operates a little differently. If it’s been more than a month or two, it’s likely you’ll have to pay an outside fee-collection agency, who will then let the traffic court know that you paid the fine. Once that’s done, the traffic court will clear your record, and you can have your mom a friend drive you to the nearest DMV to pay another fee to reinstate your license. They’ll give you a provisional piece of paper like they did when you were 16, and then you’ll get your new license mailed to you. So, a few days—and hundreds of dollars—later, I’m able to drive again.

Morals of this sad story? Always pay your traffic tickets, even if you don’t get a notice in the mail about your citation. Don’t cross MLK, Jr. Blvd between 4 pm and 6 pm on weekdays. And for goodness sake don’t hold your cell phone to your ear while driving…ever. (You can check your state’s specific cell phone laws here.) Especially in small towns where cops don’t have anything better to do than watch people drive around in the dark.

Oh, and there’s an epilogue! It’s juicy. I was moving out of my house in Santa Cruz a few months ago and happened to be sorting through a box of old papers and documents. You know, that box you keep for official-looking things that you probably won’t need again but feel like you should keep because you’re supposed to be an adult and that’s what adults do. Well, I came across an official-looking envelope, unopened. Guess what was inside? The original citation.

keysHero

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Relationships

Are you up? A Guide to Drunk Texting

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Modern technology is a veritable minefield for flirtation. People who couldn’t tell you the difference between an Oxford comma and an ampersand suddenly become hyper-conscious of punctuation and why a certain word is used in place of another.

Knowing the level of scrutiny that your measly 160 characters will be subjected to, it would be  better to obsess over minutiae like, “If I wear this out will people flirt with me?” “Where should I take my date for dinner?” “If she going to think I’m cheap if I take her to a gourmet food truck instead of a real restaurant?” (Pro Tip: She will.)

And yet we throw all that out and risk our reputations (and sanity) by brazenly brandishing our phones whilst in a drunken stupor. So let me stop you now, put down your phone, hand it to a friend, and just say no before it’s too late.

You’re not fooling anyone.

There are few legitimate reasons to text while wasted, so let’s all drop the guise that drunk texting serves any purpose other than a blatant display of sexual interest. Texting an ex? Sexual history there (and no it won’t work out this time). Texting that cute coworker? Someone’s been having fantasies about playing seven minutes in heaven in the supply closet. You aren’t actually trying to “befriend” that cute guy you met the other night, nor do you just “really miss” that girl you took out one time and never called again. So stop lying about it.

Best case, you get laid, worst case you text your boss/mother/priest/rabbi/shaman that you want to (redacted due to vulgarity). If autocorrect is doing more than adding apostrophes, you really should give your phone to a friend for safe keeping. It’s not only the harrowing possibility of texting the wrong person, it’s the legitimate peril that you are drunker than you thought and are spewing unsubtle, horrendously misspelled tripe out into the universe.

(Pro Tip: What you regard as being witty and innuendo-filled while drunk is likely so filthy that you’ll feel compelled to go to confession in the sober light of day. Even if you aren’t Catholic.)

The idiocy of “Hey you, what’s up?”

Being of the simpler sex, I have sent this message to girls at 1:30 in the morning far too many times. Ladies, you need to realize, if you get this text message (or it’s more conniving cousin, “Hey, I never see you anymore, you free tonight?”) its sender is looking for sex. I don’t care if he’s really sweet and you guys have been friends for years and you think of him like a brother: any guy asking to see you around last call has gotten shut out at the bar and is now looking at you as his best option to get laid.

Unless it’s explicitly stated that, “heY wayyyyy to dunk to drive hom rite now, can I crash??” or “HOLY FUCK. I did something stupid and had dinner with that ex you always say is bad for me, can I come over to talk?” He is looking to score. (By the way, it’s totally acceptable, and somewhat invited, if you call us out on this.)

Conversely, if a girl texts you “heyyyyyyyy,” it doesn’t matter how many y’s she added on the end of that, do not assume she’s flirting with you. “Xo” at the end of a text doesn’t mean anything either. Actually, let’s stop here. This was intended to be a similar paragraph to the above dissecting the most typical female to male drunk text, but your gender confuses the shit out of me and, in spite of my best efforts, I’m still trying to decipher how, “I love the sound of your voice, you really could do voiceover, free tonight?” and other strange cryptic messages aren’t considered flirting by your gender.

Drunk Dialing: Forefather of the drunk text.

This is the worst idea ever. Worse than that time you wore zubaz pants on photo day in high school, worse than when you dyed your hair to seem edgy, worse than getting someone’s name tattoo’d in a very suggestive place. Why is this worse? Because knowing you (me) there is probably a blackmail-worthy voicemail floating around out there somewhere.

Drunk texts are far less incriminating because you have any number of highly implausible excuses. You could say someone took your phone, “Oops that was sarcasm,” “Auto-correct made me do it,” whatever. The problem with drunk dials is that it’s pretty hard to deny that isn’t your desperate, off-key, booze-addled voice serenading an ex-girlfriend to the most pitchy and stilted rendition of Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” in history. Make no mistake, you will sound desperate when you drunk dial. It’s physics. Which brings me back to my point: worst idea ever.

Everything you just read? Ignore it.

While we may know better (or at least you should now), drunk texting can be one of the most exciting parts of being young and stupid. Just think of all the fodder you are making for the toasts at your wedding. If you told me that if I hadn’t sent a drunk text, I would have missed out on a night where I ended up out with the new girl I was dating, had a close call with an ex, got smashed with some hipsters, blacked out, woke up naked in a church, took a $150 cab ride home, then had to go on a job interview in a director’s pool, all in the span of 12 hours, I would send that text every time.

Go out there, have a little fun, but learn about your phone’s auto on/off function.

Brainfood

EXTRAenlightenment 9/21/12

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It’s time for another dose of our favorite enlightenment from the web this week:

Read some good enlightenment this week? Tweet it to us @UNDERenlightend.

Career, Relationships

Dealing with Workplace Drama

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Raise your hand if you have ever lost your cool, reacted harshly, or said something you regret to someone else? Now, raise your hand if you were at work when it happened.

Workplace drama exists. We all experience it. The question is how do we deal with it?

I have been working in at least some capacity for several years now and every job has had some sort of office “drama.” I entered the workforce thinking that I would finally get a break from all the unnecessary crap I had to put up with in school.

Right. Then I promptly woke up from my dream-world.

People will always have different emotions, jealousies, dreams, and personalities, no matter where they are. While we cannot control others, we can change how we choose to react to them. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Be yourself.

Before you roll your eyes and sigh at the platitude, hear me out. When I first started at my current job, I found myself acting how I thought my coworkers wanted to see me. After a few weeks, I was exhausted and felt like I was trying too hard (because I was). Slowly, I began to reveal more of my actual self. I talked about books that I loved, expressed excitement at nerdy things, and made jokes during staff meetings. I stayed professional while still showing who I was and what made me tick. It helped me develop relationships with my coworkers, and cope with stress, because I wasn’t focused on maintaining my work personality, just my work.

2. Pick your battles.

My current job is pretty high stress. We have tight deadlines, a lot of outside pressure, public visibility, and sometimes-unpredictable work hours. While this can create a great adrenaline rush, it can also bring out some pretty intense emotions. When the stress gets high, everyone has to think fast, and sometimes we’re so focused on the end result, that we lose sight of each other. It’s important to remember that multiple approaches can achieve the same end goal.

Knowing when to speak up and when to hold back can have a monumental impact on how you are perceived and how you get things done.  Arguing over every choice might lead your coworkers to see you as an agitator who only wants things to go your way. But if instead, you discipline yourself to only bring up concerns that could have significant impact, then you will be seen as helpful and strategic. By sometimes holding yourself back, you can make the moments when you do enter the fray all the more meaningful and powerful. This same concept can be applied to nearly any office disagreement or issue.

3. Try not to wear your emotions on your sleeve.

This may be the hardest, as many of us do this without even realizing it. I do, and it’s a constant battle to keep hold of myself when all I want to do is scream, cry, or run away.

I am not saying that there is no place for emotion in the workplace, because that can be just as destructive. But being able to control your emotions rather than letting them dictate the direction of a situation—whether it be a meeting, an argument, or just a particularly long day at the office—can make all the difference in keeping your professional cool.

For those of you with a terrible poker face, when things get too intense, try forcing yourself to slow down. At a performance review, in a tense meeting, or when dealing with a particularly difficult person, remember to take a deep breath and think before you respond (I promise that’s not just overused self-help advice, I’ve done it–it works). Even a few seconds can make the difference between an overly emotional response and a rational one.

If your emotions do get to be too much, excuse yourself. Take a walk, go to the bathroom, or find a quick distraction. And, remember, don’t hold it against yourself. We all have bad days once in a while. Emotion is natural and, more than anything, shows how much you care.

4. Know the difference between drama and harassment.

Much of what is discussed above are situations that can often occur within professional environments. However, when something turns into possible harassment, it is important to know when to speak up and take action. There are laws in place to protect you if you feel that someone’s comments or actions are inappropriate, threatening, or violent. If you feel you are being harassed, document everything and talk to someone you trust or your human resources department to confidentially explain your rights and options. It is never okay to be made uncomfortable or threatened in your workplace and it is your right to speak up and change the situation.

Remember, drama finds us everywhere–people don’t magically become professional adults–don’t let it discourage you. It’s ok to make mistakes when it comes to figuring this all out.

One more cliché for the road? For better or for worse it’ll all work out in the end.

…Okay, maybe that one was a little overboard.

Photo by Michelle White

Editor’s Note: This is one of our anonymous articles. We’ll have these from time to time so that our writers can more freely share difficult subjects.

Transportation

Where To Go When You Gotta Go?

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Maybe I have high standards when it comes to public restrooms: clean. But I refuse to sit down on a grody ass toilet. Combine this with my small bladder and a penchant for road trips, and finding suitable bathrooms can get rather tricky.

I tried to give fancy technology a chance, with apps/websites like: Have2P, WhereToWee, WC Finder, and Imodium’s Bathroom Finder. (And while I did enjoy that Charmin’s SitOrSquat asked me if I had been potty trained, as a ploy to get my birthday, I was less than charmed with its attempt to access my Facebook info.) Overall, I found all these lists to be weak alternatives to logic. Because no, I do not consider a list of all the restaurants in town to be a useful restroom map. If I wanted to spend $10 on a meal just to pee, I wouldn’t be looking up bathrooms in the first place.

So I use the following guide instead:

1) PUBLIC BUILDINGS (Libraries, City Halls, etc.)

Personally, I consider libraries the absolute best public restroom option. I’ve always found them easy to find, free, and blessed with great parking. Thank our well spent tax dollars for providing you with this clean, guilt free bathroom location.

This can also apply to any public government buildings (City Halls, County Court Houses, etc.). Be warned, sometimes these buildings, particularly in larger cities, may require you to go through some sort of security. Another option, if you’re not intimidated, is to walk into any police station and ask to use their restroom. (I’ve never tried this last one myself, but it’s definitely worth a shot if you’re desperate.)

Keep in mind though, depending on where you are, the downside to all of these is their hours.

2) GAS STATIONS / CONVENIENCE STORES / REST STOPS

These are not my go to spots (see my standards above) but they are usually the best (and sometimes only) road option.

If you have the choice between a rest stop or a gas station, ALWAYS choose the rest stop. Rest stops were made for this activity! If you are lucky enough to find yourself in one that also includes food sellers and kitschy stores, bask in the comfort and enjoy its (hopefully) clean bathrooms.

If you’re stuck choosing between a myriad of gas stations, two good rules: (1) a convenience store increases the chances for a clean bathroom exponentially, (2) if the gas station looks 90% sketchy their restroom is probably going to be 99% gross.

3) CHAIN COFFEE SHOPS – Starbucks, Peet’s Coffee, Coffee Bean etc.

I’m all about the independent coffee shop, but you can’t always guarantee they’ll have a public restroom. So, for purposes of alleviating your bladder, you might want to stick to the chains. I usually go for Starbucks (they say there’s one on every corner for a reason.) If their bathroom needs a key, prepare yourself for a $3 drink surcharge or that awkward I’m just here cause I need to pee moment at the counter. Good rule: the smaller the town, the less likely the bathroom will require a key.

4) LARGE RETAIL STORES - Target, Barnes & Noble, Kohl’s, Costco (if you’re a member), grocery stores, etc.

Ranked below coffee shops only because these might not be your fastest options. Bathrooms in these stores can sometimes be buried in far corners, on 2nd floors, or in basements. But if you don’t mind walking (and even a little shopping) these can be great, clean options.

Hate talking to people? If so, I don’t recommend using a grocery store. Their bathrooms are usually inconspicuous and you’ll often have to ask someone to find it. (Though, I’ve found Whole Foods to be the exception to this rule.)

5) RESTAURANTS

If all of the above have failed you, consider any of the following, but be warned, you might have to pay for these options:

Fast Food Chains

Swift and easy to find, these are a standard bathroom option, particularly when traveling. They will probably be the cheapest if you are forced to buy something (remember most McDonalds still have a $1 menu.) But, like gas stations, your basic fast food chains can rank pretty high on the disgusting scale.

I like to lean towards the slightly classier options: Chipotle, Panera, Panda Express etc. I usually approach Panera like I approach Starbucks: if I can sneak in great, if not (or if my guilt has set in), I’m quite partial to their strawberries and cream scones.

Sit Down Restaurants

Unless you’re planning to eat at said restaurant, accessing these bathrooms can be difficult. If you’re attempting to just run in, aim for chains (guaranteed bathroom and lowered guilt factor), establishments without a dress code, and places with lots of families. I like the Olive Garden, bathrooms are usually located right by the front doors and long wait times provide excellent crowd cover.

Do you have a favorite place we missed? Let us know below! 

bathroom

Photo by Meaghan Morrison