Tag Archives: bathroom

Where To Go When You Gotta Go?

Maybe I have high standards when it comes to public restrooms: clean. But I refuse to sit down on a grody ass toilet. Combine this with my small bladder and a penchant for road trips, and finding suitable bathrooms can get rather tricky.

I tried to give fancy technology a chance, with apps/websites like: Have2P, WhereToWee, WC Finder, and Imodium’s Bathroom Finder. (And while I did enjoy that Charmin’s SitOrSquat asked me if I had been potty trained, as a ploy to get my birthday, I was less than charmed with its attempt to access my Facebook info.) Overall, I found all these lists to be weak alternatives to logic. Because no, I do not consider a list of all the restaurants in town to be a useful restroom map. If I wanted to spend $10 on a meal just to pee, I wouldn’t be looking up bathrooms in the first place.

So I use the following guide instead:

1) PUBLIC BUILDINGS (Libraries, City Halls, etc.)

Personally, I consider libraries the absolute best public restroom option. I’ve always found them easy to find, free, and blessed with great parking. Thank our well spent tax dollars for providing you with this clean, guilt free bathroom location.

This can also apply to any public government buildings (City Halls, County Court Houses, etc.). Be warned, sometimes these buildings, particularly in larger cities, may require you to go through some sort of security. Another option, if you’re not intimidated, is to walk into any police station and ask to use their restroom. (I’ve never tried this last one myself, but it’s definitely worth a shot if you’re desperate.)

Keep in mind though, depending on where you are, the downside to all of these is their hours.

2) GAS STATIONS / CONVENIENCE STORES / REST STOPS

These are not my go to spots (see my standards above) but they are usually the best (and sometimes only) road option.

If you have the choice between a rest stop or a gas station, ALWAYS choose the rest stop. Rest stops were made for this activity! If you are lucky enough to find yourself in one that also includes food sellers and kitschy stores, bask in the comfort and enjoy its (hopefully) clean bathrooms.

If you’re stuck choosing between a myriad of gas stations, two good rules: (1) a convenience store increases the chances for a clean bathroom exponentially, (2) if the gas station looks 90% sketchy their restroom is probably going to be 99% gross.

3) CHAIN COFFEE SHOPS – Starbucks, Peet’s Coffee, Coffee Bean etc.

I’m all about the independent coffee shop, but you can’t always guarantee they’ll have a public restroom. So, for purposes of alleviating your bladder, you might want to stick to the chains. I usually go for Starbucks (they say there’s one on every corner for a reason.) If their bathroom needs a key, prepare yourself for a $3 drink surcharge or that awkward I’m just here cause I need to pee moment at the counter. Good rule: the smaller the town, the less likely the bathroom will require a key.

4) LARGE RETAIL STORES - Target, Barnes & Noble, Kohl’s, Costco (if you’re a member), grocery stores, etc.

Ranked below coffee shops only because these might not be your fastest options. Bathrooms in these stores can sometimes be buried in far corners, on 2nd floors, or in basements. But if you don’t mind walking (and even a little shopping) these can be great, clean options.

Hate talking to people? If so, I don’t recommend using a grocery store. Their bathrooms are usually inconspicuous and you’ll often have to ask someone to find it. (Though, I’ve found Whole Foods to be the exception to this rule.)

5) RESTAURANTS

If all of the above have failed you, consider any of the following, but be warned, you might have to pay for these options:

Fast Food Chains

Swift and easy to find, these are a standard bathroom option, particularly when traveling. They will probably be the cheapest if you are forced to buy something (remember most McDonalds still have a $1 menu.) But, like gas stations, your basic fast food chains can rank pretty high on the disgusting scale.

I like to lean towards the slightly classier options: Chipotle, Panera, Panda Express etc. I usually approach Panera like I approach Starbucks: if I can sneak in great, if not (or if my guilt has set in), I’m quite partial to their strawberries and cream scones.

Sit Down Restaurants

Unless you’re planning to eat at said restaurant, accessing these bathrooms can be difficult. If you’re attempting to just run in, aim for chains (guaranteed bathroom and lowered guilt factor), establishments without a dress code, and places with lots of families. I like the Olive Garden, bathrooms are usually located right by the front doors and long wait times provide excellent crowd cover.

Do you have a favorite place we missed? Let us know below! 

bathroom

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Why You Should Own a Plunger

Why don’t you own a plunger? No, seriously, why in whatever-you-think-is-holy’s name don’t you own one?

Are you scared that you might actually have to use it?

Let’s be honest: everyone has a different digestive system and maybe you know what’s best for your needs in your humble abode, but there are people out there (ahem, me!) without the luxury of a happy stomach. And we visit you. And sometimes we eat cheese or ice cream or butter. Don’t underestimate the number of lactose intolerants in your life. There are a lot of us out there, and we’re here to tell you: GET A DAMN PLUNGER!

If I’m at someone’s house or apartment, before I sit down (and yes, I sit, every time), if I don’t have a visual check on a plunging apparatus, I get performance anxiety. Even if it’s only number one.

There is no good reason not to have one. Plus, they can be very useful, not only for the expected reason, but for other household issues. I’ve used mine to unclog an unruly kitchen sink after the garbage disposal cut out. Trust me, no matter how much you love your disposal, your disposal does not love potato or cucumber skins. Remember this the next time you’re making potato latkes. And keep the plunger handy.

For those of you who are just hearing about a plunger for the first time and have NO clue how to use it. Here’s a quick how-to:

  • You will need to engage your plunging skills if the water level in your toilet is very low or very high. Basically any extreme water level will need your services.
  • Raise the toilet seat and place the plunger inside the base of the bowl. Do slow, up and down motions, pushing the rubber section in and out. The water should go down to a very small amount.
  • Time to flush! Repeat the above steps as necessary.
  • Post plunger cleaning etiquette: Put the plunger back in the clean toilet water and flush! If your plunger requires further cleaning, try the tips recommended by eHow. They recommend pouring two cups of white vinegar in your toilet bowl before putting the plunger back in the water.

So, now that I’ve explained how to use a plunger and successfully convinced those of you who don’t own one to head out to your local Home Depot, Target, or Dollar Tree (yes!) and pick one up, let me tell you some signs of an adequate one:

  • Do not buy a plunger that looks like it’s for a five year old. The handle should stand at least 2 feet tall. Meaning you shouldn’t have to bend to pick it up. Those mini space-saving toilet tidy-ers will only cause more drama than is already at hand.
  • Don’t buy the cheapest one at the store. Unless you’re totally broke, this is just asking for trouble.
  • If you live on the East Coast, you will most likely need a more industrial-strength plunger. Those pipes are way too old to handle our oversized food–obsessed culture.
  • If you live in Middle America, or on the West Coast, your standard $10-$15 plunger should do.
  • Buy a pretty plunger. Try to have it “go” with your décor. Because why not?
  • Mine has a black base and clear, spindled handle. It’s elegant, yet efficient.
  • Lastly, display this thing right where everyone can see it. Next to the toilet, where it belongs. No hiding-it-under-the-sink-business. And there should be one in every bathroom—otherwise your party guests are going to have to go snooping around and eventually will have to ask for your help. WE DON’T WANT YOUR HELP. EVER. Let us plunge in peace.

Look, you can either heed my advice, go out and buy a plunger and welcome the many thanks of your friends, OR you don’t. It’s your choice. But everyone needs a best friend and your toilet is lonely. And shit gets messy. Pun intended.

plunger

Photo by Meaghan Morrison