Introducing Your New Best (Two-Wheeled) Friend

A commute is, to most people, that annoying but essential portion of time near the beginning and end of each day where they have to go drive to some place to spend a large chunk of the day, and then drive back home again. It’s not something people generally want to do, but it has to be done if you want to keep your job or pass your classes.

I like my daily commute. I go everywhere I need to on a regular basis on my trusty Soma ES, a fully loaded commuter bicycle. I love riding my bike! I’m glad that I get to spend time with it just about every day. I’ve been intermittently commuting by bike for the past 7 years, but for the past two years I’ve been riding full time between my house, college campus and workplace. Over that time I’ve become good at managing the daily logistics and solving the problems that arise from my bike being my transportation. Hopefully the following will inspire you to park your car and wheel out your bike!

There are countless reasons why one might choose to travel by bicycle. For me, the main reason I commute by bike is because I enjoy riding my bike and, given my busy schedule, I wouldn’t have much time to do it if I didn’t make it part of my daily routine. I also enjoy longer recreational and endurance rides on the weekends, and riding every day keeps my fitness up. And of course, it costs much less and is a lot more fun than driving and parking a car every day.

Other people certainly have different motivations to commute by bike: maybe because it’s eco-friendly, or they want to lose weight or get in shape, or they’re looking to build cardiovascular endurance for other sports, or it could even be faster than commuting by car if they live in an urban area. You might, for example, find that driving to a certain place takes 15 minutes, but biking there takes 30… by biking there, you essentially get 30 minutes of exercise while only spending 15 minutes extra! Everyone has their own reasons for riding a bike. Take your pick, or discover your own!

Your Bike

Springtime is the perfect time to start commuting by bike because the weather trends warmer and more pleasant every day. Ready to give it a shot? Excellent! So, the first thing you need, of course, is a bike. The old beater in your parents’ garage from when you were 10 probably won’t cut it, but any bike that fits you reasonably well can be made to work for commuting. Start with something simple and reliable to get a feel for bike commuting.  If you don’t already have a bike that fits you, I recommend checking your local Craigslist classifieds or a local consignment shop for a bike that you like and is in decent shape.

If you’re just starting out in the world of transport cycling, you probably won’t want to invest a lot of money into equipment. At the same time, a good quality bicycle that fits and functions well will greatly enhance your cycling experience, and knowing that your bike is reliable will help you gain crucial confidence in your steed. It’s a balance- find the point that works best for you.

Starting Out

So, you have a bike. It’s important to get it looked at to be sure it’s in good condition, especially if you haven’t ridden it in a while. Take it to a local bike shop, or ask an experienced friend for help. I know I would never say no to working on a bike and helping out a friend!

Some points to check:

  • Make sure the brakes work well, front and rear. It’s essential to have an effective front brake at the very least (for emergency stops), and good brakes on both wheels is ideal. The pads should grasp the rim very snugly to be able to stop the bike quickly in case of emergency. The brakes should be adjusted so that the wheels spin freely when the brakes are disengaged, and you should not be able to make the brake levers touch the handlebars when you squeeze them very hard.
  • Be sure the tires are in good condition. If they’re more than a few years old, or have been stored outside for a while, or look very worn, it’s probably time to replace them. Inflate your tires and make sure they hold air all day. If they don’t, you should repair or replace the inner tube.
  • If your bike has multiple gears, make sure you can shift between them easily without much clicking, grinding, rubbing, or squeaking. Cleaning the chain and gears, then oiling the chain, will help with this, but drivetrain adjustments are a bit more complex.
  • Check all the quick releases and be sure they’re tight. (Quick releases are most commonly found on both wheels and the seat post.)
  • Check and tighten all screws and bolts on the bike.

If you’re not sure how to repair or adjust something on your bike or if something doesn’t seem right, it’s probably a good idea to take it into a shop and ask them about it! If you decide you like commuting by bike, you can always replace parts, or even buy a whole new bike, with the money you save by not driving your car!

After riding for a little while you’ll learn what you personally like in a bike for everyday use… it’s different for everybody! My bike is a steel framed road bike with relatively wide flat-resistant tires, lights, fenders, and a rack that carries specialized bags called panniers. I like it because it’s very comfortable on all the roads I use for commuting and recreation, it’s reliable, it’s fast enough, and it’s equipped to cope well with the weather where I live in California’s Bay Area.

Taking Care of Your Bike

Before every ride, you should be in the habit of performing an “ABC Quick Check.” This means you check your Air (tire pressure), Brakes (make sure they work), Chain (glance over the chain and gears for anything visibly awry), Quick releases (make sure they’re tight), and Check (ride the bike a short distance to be sure everything’s running smoothly). This whole check doesn’t need to take more than 10-15 seconds and it will allow you to find most problems with your bike before you leave home. You don’t want to discover, for example, that your brakes don’t work when you suddenly need to stop! If something doesn’t seem right about the bike and you can’t figure out what the problem is, it may be best to find another way to get to work that day. If you’re having problems with your bike, ask a more experienced friend for help, or take the bike to a shop.

A quick note on tire pressure: your tire will have a pressure rating (PSI) on the sidewall. You don’t need to run your tire at exactly that pressure. Start by pumping it up to around 75-90% of that pressure rating, and adjust it to your preference later. Excessively high pressures will give you a harsher ride without any speed benefit, but excessively low pressures will put you at a high risk of a pinch flat or even wheel damage. Definitely don’t go much above the pressure rating, though- your tire may blow off the rim!

Speaking of flat tires, they are by far the most common problem that can leave you unexpectedly stranded if you’re not prepared. Carrying the correct tools and knowledge with you will give you the confidence you need to venture farther from home. Learn to fix a flat and carry the equipment with you and you’ll be much more self sufficient. Most other problems can be dealt with after you get home. Fixing a flat is a simple process, and this video explains it well. You should carry, at a minimum, a spare inner tube and a mini pump or a patch kit and a mini pump. To be extra safe, or if you’re not practiced at fixing flats, carry a spare inner tube, patch kit, mini pump, and tire levers.

Ideally, you’ll be able to store your bike indoors or in another secure place during the day. If not, you should invest in a heavy duty U-lock to secure your bike to an immovable object. I like to remove my front wheel and set it next to my rear wheel, then put my U lock through both wheels and the bike rack, which will secure the entire bike. More methods and tips can be found here.

If you need to park your bike in an area that you feel is not secure, consider investing in a cheap “beater” bike that won’t attract thieves. For example, I bought a 30 year old bike at a consignment shop, scratched and beat up looking, and restored it mechanically so it’s a reliable ride. I left it looking terrible, so there’s always sure to be a more attractive bike in the rack for the thieves to choose.

Getting Into Shape

Bike commuting does not require a high level of fitness, although, if you do it enough, that’s what you’ll get! However, you should be able to get to where you need to go without arriving exhausted. If you’re not at that point yet, spend some time riding your bike. Even if you’re only able to ride around the block, that’s a good starting point. Each time you go out, ride a little bit farther or faster. As you gain strength and endurance, it’s exciting to be able to look back and see how much you’ve improved!

If you need extra motivation, pick a nice cafe or restaurant to ride to. Maybe there’s an interesting road or path you’d like to explore. Maybe you can ride to a cool landmark and shoot pictures. You may develop a favorite loop that you can ride on a regular basis and watch your times drop. Maybe you have a friend or two who can ride with you. Whatever it is, any riding is better than no riding!

How to Dress for a Bicycling Lifestyle

Depending on the distance you want to travel, one of several methods for clothing might suit you. If you only need to go a few miles at a time, you should have no problems wearing your everyday clothes on your bike. Take it slow and easy, and you won’t arrive at your destination sweaty. However, it’s best to avoid very loose-fitting pants and skirts, as they have a habit of getting caught in your chain and getting ugly grease stains on them.

If you’re going farther than a few miles, or if you want to ride faster than around 10 mph, you might find it helpful to have a change of clothes available at your destination, since you’ll likely break a sweat on your ride. This is especially true in warmer weather. In this situation, many people find that it works well to wear one set of clothes while on the bike, and then change into normal street clothes upon arrival at their destination. I find that technical cycling clothing such as padded shorts is the most comfortable thing to wear while riding my bike. Keep in mind that these distances are only approximate guidelines- you should experiment and see what works best for you!

If you choose to adopt the go-fast-then-change method, there are a couple of options for getting a change of clothes to your destination. Some people drive their car one day per week, or on the weekend, to drop off a week’s worth of clean clothes at their workplace and pick up last week’s dirty clothes. Other people carry each day’s clothes with them on their bike.

If your employer provides showers for employees, consider keeping your shower supplies at your workplace and taking your morning shower there. If you arrive sweaty and can’t take a shower at work, you can still wipe down with a wet washcloth in the restroom, then change into your work clothes.

How To Carry Things by Bike

If you’re using your bicycle for transportation, you’ll likely find that you want to carry more than you can fit in your pockets. You might want a change of clothes, lunch, schoolbooks, work materials, a laptop, an extra jacket, tools for fixing your bike, groceries, or any number of other things. You have three general options for doing this: a backpack, a messenger bag, or a rack and panniers.

  • Backpacks are great because you probably already have one somewhere, and they’re easy to just toss on your back and go. They’re best for short distances.
  • A messenger bag is similar to a backpack in that you can grab it and go, but you might find that a messenger bag moves around too much and becomes an annoyance while you ride.
  • A rack and panniers is the most expensive and involved option, but once you have it set up, the system works wonderfully. You’ll need a special luggage rack to go above your rear wheel, and special bags called panniers that attach to that rack. Some bikes make it easier to do this than others. If you can get this system set up, it’s great for longer distances because the bike carries all the weight, instead of you!

That should be enough to get you started, but there’s much more to learn! Come back next Monday for tips on successfully getting around and staying safe on your bicycle!

Photo by Rob Adams

Photo by Rob Adams

Me and My Strap-On

I wasn’t born with my dick. In fact, it took me about three years, lots of money, and a lot of emotional baggage to get it. Now I have it, and I love it, and as I write this, it’s sitting happily on my nightstand: my own phallic muse.

As a budding bisexual at 18, I thought I had done my research on my new queer world. Really, I was just starting to learn about the infinite possible ways to describe myself. I picked up fun words like “queer,” “transgender,” “genderqueer,” “femme,” “butch,” and all sorts of different definitions that people give them. My partner at the time was female-bodied and male-minded, so a lot of my first sexual experiences focused on how to make her dick real for both of us. It was actually really easy. Pretty much anything we wanted could become her dick, given the right mindset. Being incredibly broke lent itself to great ingenuity on both our parts: fingers, cucumbers, even double-bagged rice-stuffed condoms became the dick-fantasy part of our play. (It should be noted that much of this ingenuity stemmed from my then-partner’s punk-DIY attitude, and although it is possible to make a strap-on harness out of bike tires, I would not recommend it.) It wasn’t until we broke up and I delved into an exploration of my new self outside of this relationship that I found some really important literature.

By literature, I obviously mean smut. Smut that triggered all of the internal stuff I’d been deliberately ignoring since I was six years old. After years of playing with trans-masculine folks and helping other people realize that their non-biological dicks were real and felt good and could induce orgasm, I read a smutty story and realized…. I wanted a dick. I get mentally sucked into stories easily, and this one felt so natural that it freaked me out. The characters in the story switched genders halfway through: the Big Bad Daddy became submissive, and the Femme Bottom became the Bad Boy topping. I went right along with that switch: I was the Femme Bottom who started topping halfway through the scene, her dick pumping in and out of her partner’s ass. I wanted to feel my dick during sex. Part of me really was that boy that I’d been ignoring for so long. I promptly freaked out, started crying, and put the book away, as one does when one is closeted from oneself.

Here’s the thing: strap-ons can be a pretty complicated issue, especially in the world of queer women. Some people are strongly in the camp of no-penetration; some people like it but would never in a million years want anything that looks remotely realistic; some people will only strap on if it is realistic. Not everyone who straps on is genderqueer, but it’s been consistent in my experience that if a female-bodied person is in the genderqueer (GQ) realm—that is, not strictly identifying as female—they are more likely to want or have a realistic-looking dildo. And everyone I had seen who identified as GQ had been masculine-presenting. So I was freaking out because I didn’t meet that idea of what I thought “genderqueer” was supposed to look like. But I was genderqueer. I knew I was because of how scared I felt to tell anyone. I look like a girl. I call myself femme. How could I come out as genderqueer? No one would believe me.

I felt ridiculous. Here I was, one of the most active queer students on my college campus, having defended time and time again people’s right to express who they are with whatever word fits for them, and I was scared to tell my best friends that I was genderqueer. I felt like a hypocrite: all that talk of being myself and living my truth, ffttt—gone. It took a little while, and some reading, and some emailing with the author of that smutty story, for me to come out to my friends, but eventually I did. It got easier each time, but I was still nervous about incorporating this part of me into sex.

As I got more comfortable with my identity, I started to think about getting my own strap. I’d strapped on with other people’s harnesses before, at their request, but this was the first time I was thinking of getting one for me. I was nervous. I’ve gone shopping for harnesses a few times now and, every time, I get embarrassed. I always walk in and head straight for the vibrators; for some reason, I’m much more comfortable around vibrators. After a little while, with much hand-holding from my designated support person, I walk over to the harnesses. Then, only after much staring and hand-holding, do I go to the desk and ask the staff for help.

Here’s some of what I learned during the search for my perfect strap:

  • Which material? Harnesses typically come in leather, but there are also fabric and rubber ones out there. Many times, the fabric and rubber ones are advertised as “vegan.” Fabric’s easier to clean, and sometimes the metal on the leather ones rusts after several uses.
  • Briefs, one strap, or two? Briefs come in your standard XS-S-M-L-XL, but they might stretch out a little depending on how much you sweat during sex and how often you use it. One strap means that the harness fits like a thong; two means it fits more like a jock strap. With one strap and brief styles, there’s limited access to the goodies underneath. Two straps opens up access to the goodies, and they tend to be more adjustable, but they don’t always have as much control.
  • Dildo: Realistic or not? For me, obviously, I wanted the realistic one, but some people like sparkly better. Texture is another big consideration: there’s more variation in non-realistic dildos, and the materials tend to be easier to clean than imitation-skin.
  • Material? Most dildos designed for strapping on are silicone, because it holds its shape under a variety of stressors, but other materials are available. “Dual-density silicone” is also out there, which means the inner core is hard and the outer layer is a little squishier, so it keeps its shape, but it’s not as hard going in. Anything silicone can be cleaned by boiling or with warm water and a sex toy cleaner, but the tricky part about imitation-skin is that everything sticks to it (pet hair, dust, etc.).  Elastomers and “gellies” are tricky that same way, but if you boil them, they’ll disintegrate. Unfortunately, because these materials are more porous, any cleaner will stay on them as well, so always use a condom with these ones. (Using condoms over any dildo will extend the life of the toy, too, so that’s just good practice.)
  • Lube? Choosing the right lube depends on the material of the dildo and in which bodily orifice you’ll be playing (i.e. silicone-based lube should not be used directly on silicone toys because it will disintegrate them, and only water-based lubes should be used with vaginas). Ask the staff for help if you’re uncertain. Dildos tend to dry up lube a lot faster than flesh-dicks do, so make sure you have some handy.
  • Dimensions? Choosing the girth is more important than the length, because you can control how much goes in, but if it’s too wide, it won’t fit at all.
  • O-rings? O-rings are the rings that hold the dildo in place. In most one- or two-strapped harnesses, the ring snaps on and you can change it out easily, which is nice if you have more than one dildo you want to use. O-rings for briefs are not easily changed out, but they are pretty flexible and can accommodate several sizes.

For beginners:

  • Start with one of the cheaper styles of harness and dildo so you don’t spend inordinate amounts of money only to find out you’re rather have another style.
  • Go to sex-positive stores, like Good Vibrations or Babeland, where the staff understands that sexy things can be embarrassing sometimes. Friendly and nonjudgmental staff went a long way to helping me feel comfortable when shopping for my still-slightly-closeted intimates.
  • Ask to try on whatever harness you’re considering in the store (over your clothes!) so you don’t go home with the wrong size. But not every store will let you, so know your hip, butt and thigh measurements before you go in.
  • You can buy harnesses online, but you won’t get a feel for the material, which can be important since it will be rubbing on sensitive skin, even when worn over undies. I suggest finding one in-store and looking for the same brand online to save your pockets from too bad a burn—straps can get expensive fast.
  • Jump-start your search:
    • Briefs: Rode-oh (for those with smaller hips) or Tomboi (for those with curvy hips)
    • One-strap: Simply Sexy
    • Two-strap: Malibu Terra Firma
    • Dicks: Silk (3 sizes, smooth), Mistress (smooth), Cadet (realistic silicone) and Mustang (realistic VixSkin)
    • Remember: searching for the name of your preferred dick or harness with “sale” and checking out online warehouses will also likely save you a couple bucks!

Ultimately, coming out as genderqueer has done wonders for my sex life. I was actually able to be upfront when I started dating the person who is currently my partner, which worked out even better than I expected because she turned out to be GQ, too! Sex with her sometimes feels like that movie Zerophilia (the main character switches sexes every time they come). I’ve gone through two harnesses and I’ve found the dick that fits me perfectly. It’s amazing how much better everything gets when I’m actually honest about who I am and what I want.

If a strap is what you want, I encourage you to strap on and enjoy the ride!

Photo by Sara Slattery

Photo by Sara Slattery

We Don’t Know: Communicating Below the Belt

There’s probably no feeling in the world more powerful than knowing you’re wanted, especially by somebody you want in return. That feeling in and of itself can serve as a pretty magical aphrodisiac. What you want is sexy, and what you’re going to get is sexy. Even if the first time you sleep with someone you really like isn’t that great, it still feels great because you were with a person you really wanted to be with. Hormones do all the dirty work. That’s just science. Sexy, sexy science.

But what about the next time you do the deed? What about six months down the line? Or heck, six years? We typically give our new paramours a mulligan if they don’t deliver the Cosmopolitan-front-page mindblowing orgasm we’re craving the first time around… But everyone reaches a point at which they absolutely must speak up. Your partner isn’t a mind-reader, even if they’ve gotten to know you insanely well in every other department. If there’s something you like better than other things, or if there’s something you really do not like at all—you need to use your words!

Ugh, but that’s the worst, isn’t it? That feeling of “Oh my God, if I ask her to do this thing, will she think I’m some kind of pervert?” or “If I tell him I don’t want to do it in that position anymore, will he be unable to have an orgasm? Am I ruining sex for him?” This kind of self-doubt can send anybody’s sexual confidence into a tailspin. And we all do it.

But here’s the surprising thing: you know that powerful feeling of being wanted by someone? There’s also that powerful feeling when you ask for something and you receive it. What a high that is! And what about when someone asks you to do something? Isn’t it sexy when a person knows what they want? Confidence is the most underrated turn-on in the history of mankind. Forget all the weird little things people focus on: sexy lingerie, gorgeous makeup, a body that’s a walking replica of Michael Phelps. In the end, if Michael Phelps’ twin can’t ask for what he wants in bed and autopilots through his sexcapades, he will be far, far less admirable than the regular Joe who worked up the nerve to ask his girlfriend for something kinky.

It can be scary to communicate and tell someone what you want in bed, whether it’s a confession about a secret fetish or even the simple “less that, more this.” But if you stay silent, your sex life (and as a result, your relationship or potential relationship) might never fire on all cylinders. Think of all that wasted potential! That’s no way to go through life, for either party. So find a way to say what you need to say, whether it’s in the heat of the moment or in a totally mundane setting. Whatever’s easiest for you, as long as you’re able to get brave and use your words. And who knows? You might learn some very interesting things about their desires as well, leading to better sex for everyone involved. Everyone wins, big time.

Readers, what are some awesome ways that people can learn to be more open with their partners? What has your experience been?

Photo by Andy Sutterfield

Photo by Andy Sutterfield

Oh Baby! Sex During & After Pregnancy

The first time I saw D, I knew I had to have him. We worked at the same hotel, in different departments, and would flirt constantly. I would confidently tell my co-workers “I’m going to fuck him.” They would laugh, but I wasn’t joking—he was going to be mine. After a few months of flirting I finally had an opportunity to nonchalantly ask him out to a bar after work. It was a month before my twenty-first birthday and he snuck me in by giving a twenty to the bouncer (it’s like a bro-code: you have to help your fellow bro hook up with the underage girl by letting her into the bar). During the first few months of dating, all we did was eat, drink, and screw: it was bliss. When things got more serious, and people would ask when we were going to have kids, my boyfriend would always respond “We’re just practicing” and wink at me. But all of those years of practicing didn’t prepare us for the reality of sex after a baby.

I’ve always been DTF (if you have to look that up, I’m sorry) and was not at all concerned about getting down while pregnant. My boyfriend, on the other hand, got a bit apprehensive towards the end because the baby had dropped considerably and he didn’t want to “poke an eye out.”  Positions started to become a challenge with my ever-growing bump. Pregnant women are not supposed to lie on their backs (apparently as your uterus gets heavier, it can potentially cut off the circulation to a major vein going through your body), so that ruled out a couple of  standbys. Then, my belly got too big for me to be on top without it pushing into him and him feeling our daughter’s kicks, which totally freaked him out. But, overall, I remember very much enjoying myself, often even more so than our pre-pregnancy romps. The sex dreams weren’t bad either…

We tried to have “relations” before my due date because we knew it would be quite a while before we could again (longer than we had ever gone before… it was depressing to think about). Doctors recommend that women wait six weeks after giving birth to have vaginal intercourse again and I knew I couldn’t wait that long to get it on. After two weeks, neither of us wanted to wait any longer, but D had witnessed the distress my lady-parts had been put through, and, despite his desire, forced me to wait. We made it another week before we couldn’t take it anymore. I won’t go into vivid details, but it was really great—that is, until we changed positions, and my va-jay-jay was not having it. The most embarrassing part is that we had to put our daughter down in her swing on the floor, and she would not stop crying (she did eventually, but it was awkward for a little bit). Sometimes we have to take drastic measures to fulfill our carnal desires, I guess.

In those three weeks pre-nasty and post-baby, I started reading up on it a bit. I was shocked to find out that many new moms wait months, or even a year after giving birth to have sex with their partners again. It can be pretty difficult to feel sexy after having just pushed a tiny person out of your body, dealing with the pressure to lose the “baby weight,” earning chapped nipples from breastfeeding, and getting little to no sleep. Not to mention, a lot of women tear or rip during delivery (I did), which can make you feel damaged or insecure. I have accepted the fact that my vagina will never be the same, but I couldn’t be happier with what I gained. I did my kegels—and I will be perfectly honest that it took a while before it felt “normal” again downstairs. But, since then, sex has felt even better than before.

Even once the healing has completed, and your partner has patiently waited for his or her turn, another road block is put up: being a mom is a legitimate full-time job, especially in the beginning. Your newborn is 100% dependent on you, and your focus and all of your energy goes to them. There were countless nights where we would say that tonight would be the night we would have some “sexy time,” just to pass out not long after getting in bed. I can remember times when D would come up behind me and would try to start feeling me up and I would disregard him or push him away—totally consumed with cleaning the baby’s bottles and my breast pump for the next day so I could finally go to sleep. Some women are hardwired to put their offspring before anyone else, and their partners bear the burden of being forgotten. It took a long time for me to realize that I was being inadvertently negligent and wasn’t giving him the attention he needed in and out of the bedroom.

When you get down to it, sex is a big part of why you got together with your co-parent in the first place, and it’s how you made that screaming child who is now cock-blocking you from having more. Overcoming the exhaustion and chaos of post-baby life can be insanely difficult but, without intimacy, we would just be roommates or really good friends raising a kid together. At first, putting myself ahead of my child made me feel like a bad parent, but I continually remind myself that I can’t be the best mom I can be unless my needs and the needs of my partner are met, too. We may not be humping like rabbits anymore, but we do our best to keep the fire alive and our passion for each other strong through the many hurdles of parenting.

Photo by Willow Rose

Photo by Willow Rose

 

We Don’t Know: How Do You Define Your Sexuality?

“For a lot of people, it’s nice to imagine that humans are simple, and that you can know a person’s sex, and then you will know all sorts of things about them deeply and clearly. And if you don’t fit into this nice little box people who do can get really confused and sometimes even angryand if you yourself don’t fit into one of these nice little boxes and you think that people should, then you end up hating yourself. And that’s probably even worse. I think the best and maybe only way to solve this problem is for people to understand that there are no nice shiny boxes. Or, if there are shiny boxes, there are an infinite number of them, enough to put all of the people who currently exist, have ever existed, and will ever exist. So, together, let’s understand.” – Hank Green

What is sexuality? This is a complicated question. Wrought with personal, societal, political, religious, familial, culturalwe could go on and onideas and expectations. It’s not simple. It’s personal. And it’s incredibly complicated. Sometimes in our attempt to find enlightenment, we find a video that tackles answering a question like this so much better than anything we could write here.

In the following 3:48 video, Hank Green breaks down the complex differences between sexual orientation, sexual attraction, sexual behavior, romantic attraction, biological sex, gender roles, and gender identity. How we define ourselves is a unique combination of where we we fall in all of these independent categories.

http://youtu.be/xXAoG8vAyzI

But, as Hank reminds us, “Many people move across these spectrums, sometimes from year to year, sometimes hour to hour. But what’s really important is that we trust ourselves, and we understand ourselves, and we love and respect ourselvesand we grant that same understanding and respect to the people around us.”

Photo by Meggyn Watkins

Special Thanks to Nerdfigheria Wiki for the transcript of Hank’s video. Watch more Vlogbrothers here.

 

Nobody’s Perfect, Neither Is Sex!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. That is long enough for the flames of passion to turn into a mere flicker without a bit of effort. Nothing kills a good boner (of the lady or manly variety) quicker than pressure, self-consciousness, or criticism. The key to keeping sex hot while in relationship is to settle into the fact that you’re going to be doing this act with this person many, many, many, many times, so there’s no need to put pressure on any one roll in the hay to be the best in your lives. Instead, it’s about learning each other’s bodies and continually raising the bar.

You’re creating a sexual relationship with your partner and, like all relationships, it will require communication and a little effort to stay healthy and vibrant. The most toe-curling orgasms aren’t planned out: they sneak up on you. And like many things in life and nature, they’re ephemeral. Subtle differences in mood, context, and connection make each sexual encounter unique. The best we can do is set up an environment that invites this kind of magic.

Here are a few tips to fire up the action in your bedroom:

Unpack your bags. No matter your gender, if you’re over the age of 20 then it’s likely that you have some skeletons of the emotionally traumatic variety hanging out in your closet. It is helpful to know some things about your partner’s history. When you know what the body you’re touching has been through, you can touch that body in a way that subtly acknowledges those experiences. This can be incredibly healing and is the first step to clearing the slate for the relationship that you’re creating now.

The flip side: Don’t feel like you have to rush through this process! At a year and a half, my boyfriend and I are both still working on certain deeply ingrained beliefs and patterns.  If you’re suppressing a thought or feeling because you’re afraid your partner won’t understand, this is either a sign that you need to build the courage to speak up or a sign that this isn’t the right partner for you.

The male ego can be sensitive. In my experience, men often do not receive criticism in the moment very well. I’ve had more than one partner over the years ask me to please bring things up outside of the bedroom. It is so much easier to discuss the anatomical / mechanical aspects of sex when you’re not in the middle of doing them.

The flip side: Men, make sure your lady feels like she can talk to you. Lady parts are highly sensitive and personal preferences are as unique as finger prints; if you don’t encourage your partner to share these details with you (which may feel nitpicky if your ego is in the way), you’ll never fully understand how her body works.

The female sex drive is (often) a slow boil. Men, I suggest you make peace with this fact now. After the initial hump-like-bunnies phase, many women start to feel sexual urges in sync with their hormonal cycle. We’re horny when we’re most fertile, which is a bit of a catch-22 if you aren’t trying to make a baby. The key is to know how to warm your lady up in the in-between times. She may not want to jump your bones on sight, but if you check in with her there are probably many things you could do to heat things up. A few standard ideas: massage, cuddling, kissing, heavy petting, etc.

The flip side: Ladies, your man may sometimes need a reminder that you want him, really want him. Make sure you slow down and lavish your attention on him some of the time, too. It can help to make sure that you proposition him some of the time. Surprise BJs are another option for making your man feel extra happy.

Put your focus on your partner. When either partner is caught up thinking about their own wants and needs, he or she isn’t fully present. The quickest way to get out of your head? Stop thinking about yourself. Put your attention on pleasing your partner and all of a sudden you’ll feel your body light up, too.

The flip side: Don’t focus so much on your partner that you aren’t enjoying what they’re offering. If one of you habitually leads or follows, one way to shake things up is to switch roles and see what happens with a fresh dynamic.

Revel in the beauty along the way. Don’t rush to the big O. As long as time allows, savor every moment with your partner. Remember what it was like seeing them undress the first few times. Remember what it was like to hold each other naked when it was new. Even if you aren’t in the mood to go down memory lane, there are ways to slow down and savor. I once saw an article in a grocery store lady magazine (probably Cosmo or Glamour) that pointed to all the parts of sex that it’s easy to overlook if you’re focused on orgasm: from the moment of penetration to the pleasurable plateau that precedes orgasm—the more your mentality is about absorbing and enjoying the whole experience from start to finish, the more enjoyable it will be.

The flip side: Quickies can be really hot. ;)

A note about gender in this article: this article is written from the perspective of a cis-gender, heterosexual female, since that’s the only perspective from which I can knowingly write. I find the gender binary is useful here in teasing out the differences created by the hormones men and women have in their bodies. That said, I hope these tips will be relatable to anyone anywhere on the gender spectrum.

Photo by Sara Slattery

Photo by Sara Slattery

Saucepan Recipes That Are Easier Than You Think

Cooking, for whatever reason, can be intimidating. Maybe it is the fire and knives? Maybe it is the possibility of poisoning yourself or your loved ones? Or maybe it’s just because being a chef seems like a glamorous career for geniuses. The thing is, though, it’s not as hard as it seems. Like any other skill, it just takes some learned skills, practice, and the willingness to make a few mistakes.

I consider myself a chef, though I am not “in the industry,” which was my response when a waiter at an upscale brunch place asked me where I worked after seeing my culinary-inspired tattoo. And, you know what? That’s okay! People are quick with an apologetic, “Oh, I’m a terrible cook!” when it’s time for the staff meeting potluck. Instead, I challenge you to appreciate the effort you put in to feeding yourself! Let me start you off with three intimidating foods that are easier than they sound, and all of which can be cooked in a saucepan. Which is a pot, by the way. A small pot, that in restaurants might be used for sauces, but in many 20somethings’ kitchens is mostly used for 1-2 servings of Annie’s mac and cheese.

1. Boiled Egg

Why Make It?

Have you ever sliced a hard-boiled egg with fresh ground pepper for a mid-morning snack? Piped some tasty egg yolk and mayo mixture into delicious deviled eggs? Slurped a warm soft-boiled beauty with your miso-filled ramen bowl? They are well worth the effort.  Though this first dish might be like skating through easy-town for some readers, I do give some tips and tricks (one I just learned last week!) to make things easier, so check it out.

The Technique

You will need a saucepan, a medium sized bowl, and eggs for this.

Place the eggs in your saucepan and fill it with enough water to cover the eggs about an inch. Don’t go running for a ruler; I usually just approximate with the first joint of my index finger.

Cover the saucepan and bring it to a boil. It is important to boil the water with the eggs already inside because 1) the cook time accounts for the cooking they’ll do as the water boils and 2) if you drop them into already boiling water, they will crack and not be beautiful and perfect.

When the water is boiling, turn off the heat and move the saucepan to a cool burner, leaving the lid on to keep the heat in. Set the timer for your desired egg done-ness using the following useful chart from No Recipes (this site has an extensive egg boiling article—definitely worth a read!):

Saucepan Recipes That Are Easier Than You Think

Photo via No Recipes

2 minutes – The white isn’t fully set, and the yolk is totally raw

4 minutes – The white is fully set, but the yolk is thick and runny

6 minutes – The white is fully set, and the yolk is mostly set but still a little runny in the middle

8 minutes – The white is fully set, and the yolk is set but tender

10 minutes – The white is fully set, and the yolk is fully set

As you wait, prepare your ice bath: fill the medium-sized bowl with cold water and ice cubes. I usually leave it in the sink so I can do a quick dump. I hold the lid partially on to keep the eggs in the saucepan while I dump out the water, then I move the lid out of the way to dump the eggs right into their ice bath. This is because I am lazy about dish-washing; a colander would suit just fine.

After a minute or two in the ice bath, they will be cool enough to touch. I pick them up, bang them on all sides with the back of a spoon to make cracks all over the shell, and put them back in the water. If I want one right away, I might pull it out and peel it then and there, but ideally they should sit for a bit so the water can get under the shell and loosen it to make peeling easier. And you’re done!

Tips and Tricks

By far the biggest issue for egg boiling is the peeling. If you’ve ever found yourself attempting to peel and egg and instead removing chunks of tasty white (that’s food in there!), you know what I mean. This is especially annoying if you want to serve these to people and want them to look smooth and flawless.

My mom always told me to just use older eggs (as in, near their expiration date). This does work for science reasons that I don’t understand just yet. But if you can’t wait that long (and who can?), there is another trick. Before cooking your egg, take something with a small but rounded edge (I used the butt of my rolling pin handle). Take your raw egg in one hand and hold the rolling pin steady with the other. Whisper a short prayer to your deity of choice, and then tap the wide butt end of the raw egg gently against the tip of the rolling pin handle. You want to hear a tiny crack that breaks a bit of the shell but not the membrane of the egg. I was sure this would end in a mess and tears, but it totally worked and made peeling at the end a lot easier.

2. Jam

Why Make It?

When most people picture jam-making, they picture a kitchen full of Laura Ingalls Wilders, out in the middle of nowhere, all wearing kerchiefs over their hair and wiping sweat from their brows with their forearms as they use both hands to stir an enormous, thick vat of goo that will last the winter. But that is not at all an accurate depiction of the time and effort involved! Jam is actually fairly quick and easy to make, especially if you are only making a couple jars and do not plan on proofing (sealing the lids so they can sit out at room temperature for ages). And with the delightful ability to mix flavors to your own personal preference and look like a gourmet BAMF, there is no reason not to.

The Technique

First, supplies: To make jam, you’ll need some sterile* mason or Ball jars (with the flat lids and twist rings), fruit, sugar, lemon juice, and pectin (available at most larger grocery stores, in the baking aisle, by the Jello). Choose the No Sugar Needed Pectin—it works the best even if you do use sugar (which you will, I imagine).

You’ll also want a pot and probably a funnel, to ease more jam into the jar.

* To sterilize them, boil the jars, lids, and rings in a big pot before you put the finished jam inside. This kills all bacteria. Washing the in dishwasher will do the trick too.

Now, recipes: Different jam recipes have different ratios, so I’ll start with a specific favorite of mine: strawberry lavender. For lots of recipes, proofing times, and just generally great advice, check out PickYourOwn.org, a website with terrible design but a lot of knowledge. It walked me through my first canning experience.

Strawberry Lavender Jam

Buy/pick some strawberries! You’ll need about twice as many cups of whole strawberries as you want cups of complete jam. So if you want 6 cups of jam, you’ll need 12 cups of whole berries.

Wash them, hull them (cut the leaves and white part out with a small knife), and cut them into pieces. The smaller you cut them, the faster they will break down in the jam.

Prepare your sugar by blending 4 cups of sugar in a food processor with 4 tablespoons of edible lavender buds (available at specialty spice stores). I do this one cup at a time ‘cause my food processor is small. You could also probably get away with chopping up the lavender very finely as well.

In your saucepan, mix ¼ cup of your lavender sugar with 1 ½ packages of pectin (SureJell or another brand, doesn’t matter). Feel free to play with this amount as you cook. As you make more jam, you’ll find the perfect ratio for you.

Cook this mixture over medium high heat for about 5-10 minutes, until the mixture is at a full boil (remains boiling even when you stir).

Add the rest of the sugar and allow it to come to a boil again. Don’t raise the heat too high, though, as that creates more foam. Keep at a full boil for 1 minute. Speaking of foam, feel free to scoop that off and toss it in the sink. It’s just bits of jam with too much air.

Remove from heat and test for thickness. Do this by keeping a teaspoon in a glass of cold water. When you take the saucepan off the heat, dip the spoon to get a bit of jam and let it cool to room temperature. If it looks thick enough, hooray! If not, add a little more pectin and cook a bit longer.

When the jam is cooked to perfection, use a funnel to move it into the jars. If you plan to use and eat or give away the jars to people who will use or eat them right away, you don’t need to proof them. If you want to save them, then…

Proofing!

If you want to make more than a jar or two, you’ll likely want to proof (or seal) your jars to get rid of all bacteria and allow them to sit safely on the shelf without going bad.

To proof them, fill with jam, screw on the lid and ring, and place them into a big pot of boiling water. There should be a few inches of water over the top of the lid. Depending on the jam, they will need to proof for different amounts of time—check online. When the time’s up, remove them from the pot and let them sit out and cool overnight at least. Within 30 minutes, you should hear a “pop” to tell you the can has properly sealed—if not, keep it in the fridge and eat it soon. Aside from a big pot, you’ll probably want something to lift them out of the boiling water (I used big tongs once, but then I went to Target and got an actual jar lifter and it was fantastic).

Tricks and Tips

Jam-making includes a lot of equipment and, for that reason, it’s super helpful to have everything lined up and ready to go. Make sure you have your sugar and pectin measured out and lots of oven mitts and hot-thing-holders on hand. Your jars, lids, and twist rings should be clean and ready, too.

You also want to be aware of temperature. Pouring hot jam into a cold jar could cause the glass to break, so you will want to sterilize your jars while prepping your jam. I usually do this by allowing the jars to boil away for about 10 minutes in a big pot on the stove while I’m cutting up the fruit. If I’m just making a few jars worth and not planning on proofing, I wash the jars in hot water to warm up the glass while the jam thickens.

Depending on the fruit you are using, your jam will be different consistencies at different temperatures. I found, for example, that blackberries thicken up nicely in the saucepan and stay at a similar consistency in the fridge. Strawberries and prickly pears (the fruit of cacti), however, don’t seem to thicken much in the saucepan, causing you to bite your nails and continue adding pectin, which all comes together strongly when the jar is cooled, making your jam a bit stiffer than desirable. So don’t worry if it doesn’t thicken like you think it should—it could just be the type of fruit. Do more research online.

Finally, note that pectin will lose its magical thickening abilities if you up the recipe too much, so work in small batches. The recipe I provide above is about as much as you want to do at one time in one pot. But there is no reason not to have two pots going at once!

3. Pastry Cream

Why Make It?

Pastry cream, though super delicious, probably seems like something that Julia Child or Martha Stewart would make, not you. What do you do with it anyway? Well, if you’re like me, you use it to impress your friends and neighbors! Obviously pastry cream is integral for tasty pastry creation, if you’re working on fruit tarts or Danishes or donuts. But it is also an integral ingredient in a very simple, very fun, very beautiful dish know as a trifle. This dish is meant to be made ahead and then refrigerated, making it easy to bring to potlucks and get-togethers, impressive and convenient to serve at a dinner party, and fun to assemble and eat with groups for a bridal or baby shower or a birthday party.

Pastry Cream Recipe

You’ll need:

  • 2 cups of milk/cream (I usually combine 1 cup of whipping cream and 1 cup of milk; half and half works too)
  • ½ cup sugar
  • Pinch of salt
  • 5 large egg yolks (save the whites – you can make an omelet later!)
  • 3 tablespoons cornstarch (flour is fine too)
  • 4 tablespoons of butter (1/2 a stick)
  • 1½ teaspoons vanilla extract

 

Before you start cooking, prepare an ice bath to quickly cool your pastry cream. Get two large bowls, one slightly (but not much) bigger than the other. Fill the bigger one with cold water and ice and float the small inside the larger. Finally top it off with a mesh strainer balanced on the top. Put this ice bath to the side for the end of your recipe.

Heat the cream/milk in a saucepan until simmering. Watch out! Milk comes to an overflowing boil within seconds of starting to simmer. Keep an eye on it.

Whisk the sugar, pinch of salt, and 5 egg yolks together in a large bowl. You want to whisk for a good long time, until the mixture turns more of a paler yellow than the brighter yellow it started out as. Add in the cornstarch/flour.

If the milk has started to simmer by now, please, feel free to remove if from the burner and turn off the stove.

Now it’s time to combine the two mixtures. Be careful—doing this too fast will cook the eggs. You are going to do a process called tempering, in which you add a little bit of the hot milk/cream to the egg, sugar, flour mix to slowly warm it up. Drizzle about a tablespoon of hot liquid into your bowl and immediately whisk it to spread the heat evenly and avoid cooking one small spot. Repeat this a few times—you should be whisking for as much of this time as possible. I usually add about 1/3 of my cream this way.

When the mixture seems to be fairly warm, use a spatula to scrape the mixture back into the saucepan with the rest of the hot milk/cream. Return it to medium heat. Using a whisk or silicon spatula or wooden spoon, stir constantly while the mixture cooks. You are heating up the cornstarch/flour so it thickens the mixture, plus kills any bacteria in your eggs.

Continue whisking, even though you are super bored, for about 5 minutes. It could take longer or shorter, depending on the temperature of your ingredients. If you let it sit, you will scorch the bottom of the pastry cream. You’ll know it’s time when you see these cool-looking, thick bubbles of pastry cream in the saucepan. When you see that, continue for 30 seconds to a minute longer, then remove saucepan from the burner.

Off the stove, add in your butter and vanilla, and stir to combine.

Now, turn to your ice bath. Use a spatula to scrape the custard into mesh strainer, to get rid of any lumpy bits. It won’t fall through on its own, so you’ll need to hold the strainer and use the spatula to push it through.

Allow it to sit 10-15 minutes and cool a bit, then take plastic wrap and cover the bowl. Make sure the plastic wrap comes down inside the bowl, pressing against the top layer of pastry cream and coming up the inside sides of the bowl. Sounds weird, but this keeps the pastry cream from developing a skin. Allow it to set for at least 3 hours in the refrigerator.

Tips and Tricks

Believe it or not, this is one of the easiest fancy things to make. As long as you don’t add your hot milk to your cold eggs too fast or cook the final product without stirring, your pastry cream will be delicious.

To play with other flavors, consider soaking herbs in the milk/cream while it heats. Mint is delicious, but basil and even rosemary create a really unique and tasty final product. Make sure you remove the leaves before combine the milk with the eggs and sugar.

You can also add chocolate chips at the end with the butter and vanilla for a tasty chocolate-y flavor!

And that’s it! Hopefully you will be breaking out your saucepan for more exciting things this weekend!

We Don’t Know Shit About Food

“[T]he thinkings and unthinkings and giving and taking of the diet industry and numerous health experts and peer-reviewed journals and your mom and my mom and that guy over there and your yoga instructor have turned into a veritable cluster fuck of information that all circles around food, but never actually settles down to just talk about it. It’s quickly leading me to believe that we literally (in the actual sense of the word) don’t know shit about food.” – Nikki Steele, “We Don’t Know Sh** About Food, Do We?” on Food Riot

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m about to give up on food and just consume Soylent for the foreseeable rest-of-my-life.  Keeping up on “this is bad for you” and “that is bad for you” is like standing with one foot each on a Volvo semi-truck, but without the balance and flexibility of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s stunt double.  No matter what, you’re going to fail, and you have no idea how horrible the consequences might be. For all I know, they’ll come back in a year and tell me Soylent is bad for me too (but at least this version isn’t made of people).

I hear I’m supposed to drink water all day—but plastic is bad for me (and even worse for the environment).  I should make my own meals instead of buying so much fast food—but don’t even think of microwaving that in plastic Tupperware.  Don’t you know you’re supposed slowly heat everything up on the stove, dirtying a pan, a spatula, a pair of tongs, a plate, and a fork and knife?  But, by the way, your city is in a drought, so don’t overuse water when you clean all those dishes.

And that’s just how you eat.  Don’t even get your mother, brother, cousin, mailperson, dog, registered dietician started on what you eat.  Paleo and keto are all the rage (I can’t even tell how they’re supposedly different).  It’s like Atkins 2.0—I think.  For a carboholic like me, it’s hell: I tried giving carbs up for Lent a couple years ago, and it turned me into an angry ball of stress.  My friends highly encouraged me to quit a week early in order to preserve our relationships.

The only thing that’s obvious is that culture and society have fucked us up.  We’ve been encouraged at a young age to suppress our natural full indicator and “clean your plate, because children in Africa are starving.”  Our own food industry is more interested in a profit than in healthy consumers, so Lord Monsanto calls all the shots.  I change my mind on GMO foods every other week.  And, as a 20-something female, I’m pretty sure it’s physically impossible for me to achieve the idealized American femme fatale physique without seriously impacting the happiness I find in the bottom of a bowl of ice cream.

How do you deal with the information overload?  Do you have a resource with whom you entrust your health and happiness? Please enlighten me!

Meggyn Watkins is the Managing Editor of the UNDERenlightened. Fiction reader, local art prowler, concert-goer, BBC watcher, world traveler, and San Jose Sharks lover! @meggawat

Photo by Michelle White

Photo by Michelle White

Fridgeology 101

Last month, I moved into my own studio apartment. Contrary to popular belief, the best part about living alone isn’t the ability to walk around pantsless or let dirty dishes pile up in the sink for a week. Actually, it’s that—for the first time in my life—I indulge in the privacy of my own fridge and freezer. Having spent significant time over the past six years sharing fridge space with roommates (some friends, some strangers), employers, coworkers, and other people who have flickered in and out of their lives—and therefore mine—I have come to learn that a glimpse into other people’s refrigerators reveals the most essential, and sometimes most intimate, facets of their lives.

We’re probably all familiar with the proverbial scene in a rom-com in which a girl snoops through her love interest’s medicine cabinet to uncover the skeletons in his closet. If I were getting ready to launch into a serious relationship, though, I’d look through his fridge and freezer to find out what he’s hiding.

Freezer full of chicken soup in Tupperware? His mom still delivers him prepared meals every week.

Dannon Light and Fit? There’s definitely another woman in the picture.

Based on an unofficial ethnographic study, conducted over a six-year period, across several neighborhoods across New York City, what this reporter has come to deem the “fridge-forage” has proven to be a surprisingly accurate litmus test for the habits and personalities of the test subjects. Names have been removed from the vignettes that follow in order to protect the identities of the people who failed their diet plans, served their children expired yogurt, and drank their roommates’ milk.

Chapter 1: City Parents

My first case study comes from when I was a freshman in college, babysitting for a couple with a newborn baby on the Upper East Side, and naïve enough to fall for the “help yourself to anything in the fridge” trap. As soon as the parents headed out, and the baby was fast asleep, I excitedly tiptoed into the kitchen, thinking I’d whip up a meal with the groceries I imagined working adults in New York kept on hand. Instead of the freshly baked hearth breads, heirloom vegetables, and mélange of dips I’d envisioned, I found moldy cheese (and not the good kind of mold), a jar of mustard three years past the expiration date, and a half-finished bottle of white wine. Conclusion: Despite being proud parents, this couple, a little older than the average first-time parents, were not ready to give up certain aspects of their New York routines from life before parenthood. Living in the one-bedroom apartment he’d owned since bachelorhood, and subsisting on a steady diet of takeout and leftovers were vestiges of their former life stage, anachronistic next to the baby food on the bottom shelf of the wine rack and Lipitor next to the takeout menus. “Transitioning Your Fridge: An Emotional Journey” is, apparently, lacking on the millions of “How to Prepare for Life with a Baby” blogs.

A second family, which I’ve tracked over the entire six-year period, lives in a large apartment on the Upper West Side with three kids under the age of five, and they keep Kosher, a set of Jewish dietary laws that I also observe. When I first met the family, I imagined their pantry would resemble the one in my house growing up. The first Saturday night I babysat for this family, the kids were finishing up their eggs, ketchup, grapes, and mashed peas, and the parents told me to “seriously help yourself to anything.” As had become my babysitting routine, when the kids headed to bed, I headed into the kitchen with an empty stomach and a head full of ideas about the bounty of treats I might find in a large household. In this case, sure that I’d find something that people over the age of 10 would find edible, and expecting lots of snacks, I peered into the fridge, only to land upon a grocery aisle’s worth of Gogurt, string cheese, bananas, ketchup, whole milk, Grape-Nuts, and Slim Fast shakes. There was one apple in the drawer. Conclusion: Busy parents who order Fresh Direct for Sunday delivery and have kids with nut and sesame allergies, do not have peanut butter and hummus on standby, end up eating like their kids most of the week, and have babysitters so they can eat out on Saturday nights. As they’ve moved past the pregnancy stage and into the world of Soul Cycling moms, these parents have exhibited a nod to health-conscious eating habits through the proverbial apple a day and cottage cheese. (Note that I have since opted to bring my own dinner for this babysitting gig.)

Chapter 2: The Roommate Experience

Observing life in someone else’s home is enlightening, but there may be no greater human experiment than the roommate experience in New York City, and from an ethnographic research perspective, living with the study subjects is the best way to gather evidence. Essentially, New York living boils down to people who consider each other to be friends—in the traditional sense, or, more likely, in the Facebook way—sharing the amount of space that people in the rest of the country call a closet. You quickly learn quirks and habits that you wish you didn’t know about the people you live with, and the fridge partition encapsulates that dynamic.

The apartment I shared with five roommates—not including my roommates’ boyfriends—made our fridge a Petri dish ripe with samples for my study. Each sixth of the fridge was an accurate reflection of the person who occupied the space. One roommate’s parents would drive into the city from Long Island every other Sunday with an SUV trunk full of Shop Rite brand yogurt. Conclusion: Parents from Long Island, having conducted a cost-benefit analysis of delivering groceries into the City on heavy traffic days, found that this arduous process relieves their children of the task of grocery shopping, allowing the students more time to study, and, as a result, earn better grades and ultimately higher-paying jobs.

A second roommate kept little in her section of the fridge. Instead, she would purchase a frozen burrito, microwavable Indian dish, or instant pad Thai every night, based on what she was craving. Conclusion: To become the highest achiever in the academic and extracurricular spheres requires allocating fewer brain cells to more mundane, organizational aspects of life, such as meal-planning and nutrition facts.

I would be remiss not to share a few of the high notes from my most recent post-college roommate situation, which jarringly brought to light the idiosyncrasies and extremes of each of our personalities, and ultimately the reasons I needed to find a room of my own. The fridge, never a clean three-way split, was constantly littered with remains of leafy greens, drips of coconut oil, and stains from dietary supplements, based on whichever made-for-TV diet one roommate was swearing by that week. She juiced everything in her NutriBullet and then separated the pulpy mush into small containers, which would topple out of the freezer every time I opened it. Curiously enough, all of her diets seemed to involve nightly consumption of an entire pint of chocolate ice cream, the traces of which would appear stuck to the counter every morning. Conclusion: All evidence pointed to an adult who was haphazard, scatterbrained, and searching for something life-changing—maybe weight loss—as she was single, approaching forty, and living with two twenty-something roommates who had to remind her to pay her bills on time.

Chapter 3: The Real World

Between roommates and siblings, friends and subletters, I entered the working world thinking that as green as I was in professional experience, I was seasoned at facing the interpersonal challenges of office life. At a company where the majority of my coworkers are under the age of thirty and don’t have children, I quickly appreciated the inspiration for episodes of The Office. My coworkers’ profiles were similar to mine in age, educational background, and social values. Within my first week of work, though, I was shocked by my observations of the way other people ate, and by what they thought of me because of my food choices. The single fridge, shared amongst 100 employees, was a steaming stank of half-eaten McDonald’s burgers, forgotten fountain sodas, moldy cheese from last Christmas’s potluck, expired Greek yogurts, half-finished juice cleanses, soggy tater tots, frozen mini tacos, a forgotten Tupperware, and beer.  Conclusion: We are the typecast weight-watching, microwave “cooking,” starving by choice and by default, young urban professionals of NYC.

Even a surface-level fridgeology of my current, personal refrigerator would enable you to draw accurate conclusions about the person who inhabits this apartment. My fridge is neatly sectioned off by product type—produce, fruit, dairy, grains, and, for the most part, condiments—each of which is then ordered by expiration date. Vegetables are peeled, sliced, and placed in Tupperware on Sunday nights. Lunch is prepared before bed in Scandinavian BPA-free containers, placed on the shelf that I can reach with most efficiency on my way out the door each morning, and promptly shoved into the fridge upon arriving at work in order to secure prime real estate before the sticky leftover-bringers roll into the office. Conclusion: The first sweep of my fridge would reveal an Upper West Sider captivated by kale, quinoa, and Greek yogurt, somewhere on the spectrum of genuine and trendy health-conscious vegetarianism. A more detail-oriented look speaks to the measured and calculated way I approach decisions, which extends to how I choose what to eat. You’d see the struggle with balancing being on a budget and indulging in the Whole Foods groceries that are equally as expensive as they are nutritious , between regretting that I didn’t settle for takeout and feeling proud when I was determined to cook beans from scratch at 11 pm on a work night, and, ultimately, coming to terms with calling frozen yogurt and granola “dinner” two night in a row.

Reviewing this analysis, it’s not surprising that our refrigerators are gateways to our most genuine sense of self. It’s the fridge that knows first when we’re grazing like we’ve just gone through a break up, munching like we feel fat, snacking like we feel poor, or binging on our “skinny days.” We eat our feelings in the privacy of our own fridges, doors flung open, digging directly into that pint of ice cream, jar of salsa, or lame bag of salad we eat because we should. I don’t pretend to think my library-like fridge conveys more of a sense of “normal” than my coworker’s unassuming obsession with McDonald’s or those parents’ half-hearted ingestion of Slim Fast. What I have learned from this study is that, as people come in and out of your life, and jobs, relationships, and living situations are precarious, it’s important to have a strong sense of self, grounded in the way you keep your fridge. And, it’s probably best to keep it clean—after all, you never know who may be peeking inside.

Photo by Andy Sutterfield

Photo by Andy Sutterfield

Let’s Ask A Nutritionist While Making Daikon Cake

Registered Dietitian Emily Bostrom sat down again with her cousin, Alyssa Kurtzman, to talk nutrition while they tried their hand at making Chinese daikon cakes.

Alyssa: Just to give a little background on this particular project, we used to live near Chinatown, specifically near a Chinese deli that sold something called daikon cakes. They’re square, white, starchy, and kind of have the consistency of a gummy bear, if a gummy bear were savory and had chunks of Chinese sausage in it. We also discovered them to be the Best. Hangover. Remedy. Ever.

Recently, we found this recipe in The Hairpin and decided to try it (and document it) while I ask Emily some of the many food-related questions that pop into my head on a daily basis. All ingredients were purchased at an Asian supermarket in Manhattan’s Chinatown. Since it happens to be Oscar night, we’re also judge-watching the red carpet show.

To start, Emily is grating the daikon radish, while Alyssa soaks the mushrooms with some teeny dried shrimp before chopping ensues.

Soaking Mushrooms

Soaking Mushrooms

Emily also smartly brought some chewy ginger candy, which is gluing our mouths shut and thus preventing us from eating all this deliciously peppery daikon raw.

We throw the grated daikon into a pot of boiling water to let it cook for about 15 minutes. While that happens, we chop up some Chinese sausages and throw them in a hot skillet with about a tablespoon of oil. After a few minutes, we pick out the big pieces and eat them because, yea. Then we toss in the soaked mushrooms and shrimp. Smells great so far.

Grated Daikon

Grated Daikon

Time for Question 1:

QUESTION 1: WTF is so wrong about carbs, anyway?

Emily: Oh, carbohydrates. The big scary monster in the pantry. We love you carbs!!! But we hate you! It’s all very complicated. Carbohydrate intake is a super polarizing topic in the nutrition world, so right off the bat I will say that I am a relatively “moderate, middle of the road” Registered Dietitian (RD) who relies heavily on evidence when making nutrition recommendations. I also recognize that depending on the client’s health history, all of this information could change. There are health conditions (they are pretty rare… if you had one you would know) which are best treated by an almost entirely carbohydrate free diet. However, for the general, healthy, active US population, I think carbohydrates are great in moderation (boring, I know). People tend to think carbohydrates are evil because a diet really rich in carbohydrates tends to (1) leave you feeling hungry an hour after a large meal, (2) make you feel sluggish after said meal, (3) prevent your body from utilizing any stored fat, and (4) sometimes storing more energy as fat, depending on your daily calorie intake. A serving size of cooked carbohydrates is only ½ cup. Compared to what we are used to eating, that is tiny. So, no need to avoid carbohydrates, but try to be cautious about how much you’re putting on your plate.

The best sources of carbohydrates in your diet are fruit, vegetables, dairy, and whole grains. Allowing as few “simple carbohydrates” as possible is really the best. This means pick brown rice instead of white, sweet potatoes over white, and try to lean toward whole wheat, grainy breads.

Alyssa: Which are way more delicious, anyway.

Once the mushrooms, shrimp, and sausage have cooked for a while, we add the cooked and drained (with liquid reserved) daikon, and mix the whole thing together before it cooks for about 10 minutes. Then, we dump it all into a mixing bowl, add a little of the reserved daikon-cooking water, throw in about a cup of rice flour (which looks so much like powdered sugar that Alyssa needs to keep it in a separate cabinet), and stir until it’s all kind of sticky.

Batter

Batter

Emily: This kind of looks like we’re making latkes! Like as if we’re making latkes with glue.

Alyssa: Mmmmmmm…?

Then, it’s steamy time.

We pour this weird gelatinous mix into a glass dish, which we carefully lower into a “steamer” that we jerry-rigged using a stockpot and an overturned mug. Right now, it looks kind of like a pot filled with white vomit.

 

Cake Pre-Steaming

Cake Pre-Steaming

Now, it has to steam for an hour, most of which is spent talking about the following topic:

QUESTION 2: Should I be using coconut oil? It seems to be all the rage.

Emily: That’s a really good question. The answer is, we don’t really know yet. With the rise in popularity of the “Paleo Diet,” it sure is a hot item these days: it’s one of the few oils—along with olive and canola oil—that are allowed on that diet. Coconut oil is quite high in saturated fat, but also high in lauric acid, which is a medium chain tryglyceride (MCT), which is why people think it might be good for you. Studies have shown that coconut oil might have a beneficial effect on your healthy cholesterol, but these studies are very limited, and include both human and animal populations. MCT oil in general, has been shown to raise both your healthy cholesterol (HDL) and your unhealthy cholesterol (LDL) levels. Since the jury is still out on this, the general recommendation is to use coconut oil only in moderation, since it is still a source of saturated fat. Overall, you should stay away from partially hydrogenated coconut oil.

Refined coconut oil is good for cooking at high temperatures, since it has a high smoking temperature, but if using “virgin” coconut oil, it’s best for baking and medium heat sautéing.  I WILL say coconut oil makes a delightful hair mask. But don’t rub it into your roots. Trust me.

(Read here for more information)

Next, we have some fun typing the ingredients into nutritiondata.self.com to figure out the nutritional content of a daikon cake.

(Emily: The label says it’s for 1/10 of the whole thing; it’s really more like 1/12.)

Daikon Cake Nutrition Facts

By this point, we’re running out of ginger chews and getting ready to taste this concoction, which after an hour looks like… solidified white vomit. Yum. Time for the big taste test….

Cake Post-Steaming

Cake Post-Steaming

And the consensus is: delicious! Shockingly close to the cakes we used to buy in Chinatown! We don’t bother to cut ours up into individual wedges, though, because—duh—we’re family. And although ours is much lumpier than the three-for-$1.50 ones we used to binge on after long nights of drinking, the consistency is almost the same. It’s as if the daikon and shrimp melted into the rice flour and water. And the chunks of mushroom and sausage are like little umami explosions. If we were Olympic judges, we would give it a 7.5 for taste and maybe a -5 for appearance.

So, we tuck into our successful little dish, with some rice vinegar for dipping, while Emily addresses one final question:

QUESTION 3: Last week, right before she danced with some vegetables, Michelle Obama apparently said some stuff about new food labels. What’s all the fuss about?

Emily: Oh, Mrs. First Lady, RD’s everywhere were singing your praises last week. Thank goodness for all the awareness she is raising for nutrition’s role in health and well being! I have one giant, fruit-and-veggie-driven girl crush on Michelle Obama. Also, on her arms. So good.

Alyssa: So sculpted.

Emily: She would be Oscar gown ready at any moment. Anywho, she announced that nutrition fact labels will be changing soon, for the first time in almost 20 years. This is big! And here are some of the major changes to be expected:

Serving sizes: Instead of a serving of, say, ice cream, being listed as 1/2 cup (has anyone in history ever eaten a measly 1/2 cup of ice cream?!), they have decided to make a “serving” on the container listed as a much more likely 1 cup. This way, instead of glancing at the label and seeing that the ice cream has only 150 calories per serving, you’ll see 300 and realize what you are actually going to eat. I approve!

No more calories from fat: The current food label was written in the fat-fearful 1990’s, which is why there is that strange, seemingly useless “calories from fat” label is right at the top. Now that we love (healthy sources of) fat, evidence is showing that we shouldn’t really care about “calories from fat” and should instead focus more on…

Added Sugars: Hallelujah! I am so excited to have this addition to our food label (I’m realizing as I write this that I’m likely more excited than most people). When counseling and educating clients, I am always speaking about the difference between “naturally occurring sugars” and “added sugars.” But, it’s still confusing when all of the sugars on the food label are under just one heading! Now, when you pick up that yogurt, you will see the “total sugars” listed as 21g, and “added sugars” as 13g. This will be so helpful for people looking to avoid too many added sugars, but who understand that the lactose in that yogurt is not what they’re trying to avoid. Things like 100% fruit juice will still have no added sugar listed, but things like fruit purees (applesauce, preserves, jelly) will tell you exactly how much of that sugar on the label will be from the super healthy fruit, and how much will be from sugar, agave, high fructose corn syrup, evaporated cane syrup, honey, etc. I must say, this is a good time to be a Dietitian.

About a third of the way through the daikon cake, we remember to take a photo.

Us With Finished Product

Us With Finished Product

Just in time to start watching the Oscar ceremony! Come on, guy from Captain Phillips!

Until next time…

Emily Bostrom, RD, is a Registered Dietitian with degrees from Rutgers University and the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey, who eats, cooks and thinks about food. You can also find her singing loudly in the car and at http://www.emilybostrom.com/

Alyssa Kurtzman is a Content Manager at @CLIPTAMATIC and works on the UE social media staff. Life mantra: It’s never too hot for soup. @KURTZMANIA