When I Was Catfished

Once upon a time, I was “catfished.” It was an experience that messed me up for a bit, but now I’m pretty glad it happened. “Catfishing” is the act of interacting with another person under a false identity on the Internet. You may have heard of it from the movie that came out back in 2010 or the reality TV series with the same name currently running on MTV (oddly enough, I haven’t seen either). It’s a very obvious process, but as a naive and hopeless romantic, I let myself see what I wanted to see.

I was lonely, and had started talking to strangers in chat rooms. I promise it was innocent chatting! When I first started, I was already in a long-term relationship. But my boyfriend and I had been drifting apart for at least a year, and I think each of us was waiting for the other to say it was over. And, in addition to that excruciating situation, I also hadn’t been keeping up with any of my friends. So the people of the internet became my social outlet: blogs, chat rooms, Tumblr, and message boards.

And then I met “him,” and we just hit it off. It was as if we had been best friends our whole lives. His name was Matthew, and we had stupid mundane things in common, like our enthusiasm for mashed potatoes, an affinity for puns, and our birthdays, which were one day apart. He was way too cute. He was athletic, played at least three instruments, was the lead singer in his band, and was getting over the wounds of an ex who had cheated on him. He was basically a character in an indie rom-com. How could I not fall in love? Five days after I met Matthew online, my then-boyfriend had a party where I proceeded to get sloppy drunk for the first time and realized that I had feelings for this online dude. We broke up the next morning.

Matthew and I would talk for hours on MSN Messenger, and when we weren’t online we were constantly texting. He was like my own personal diary: I could tell him everything and anything. I could be completely real with him! We exchanged many photos of our lives, and this was what abated my concern over his lack of a webcam. At this point, I was still in that initial high and I wasn’t thinking about the plausibility.

As we started getting more romantic, he started getting darker (of course). He would pick fights with me over nothing. If I didn’t respond to texts immediately or if I was out with friends for a night, he assumed that I was out “sluttin’ it up” and cheating on him (and we weren’t even in an official relationship). He would get drunk and hurl hurtful accusations my way, all the while revealing personal stories of abuse and deception. These included stories about how his father abused him and threatened him, how his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, how he was responsible for the death of his best friend, and how he attempted suicide. He would say to me, “No one could ever love me,” and I tried to reason with him that it wasn’t true.

There were so many red flags, I saw them and ignored them. “What if this isn’t a false alarm? How could I abandon him?” I felt I couldn’t live with those what-ifs, so I continued to talk to him. Plus, I thought he understood me, and that felt so rare.

About a month after we met, he had another one of these episodes where I had to talk him down and reassure him that he was deserving of love. He ended the night by telling me that he loved me, and then I didn’t hear from him for three days. Three days of nothing was like a slap in the face after a month of constant conversation. I was extremely worried, given his past threats. I searched the internet for his name, location, and the keyword “death” and was relieved when nothing popped up. Relieved but, at the same time, unsettled. Nothing came up for him, even without adding “death” to the search. His MySpace was just his band’s page, and  even that had only one photo of an indeterminate person and four untitled songs. No bio, and only five “friends” who were just advertisement pages. He had a Facebook, but it was private and offered no helpful information. Googling his email and usernames only ended up with “no results found.” And a reverse look-up of his phone number gave me a name that didn’t match his or any of his immediate family members. So after not hearing from him, I sent him an email and decided que sera, sera (what will be, will be).

Of course, once I let go, I received an IM from him. He said it was hard to explain, but he had OD’d the night we last spoke, and had spent the past couple of days in the hospital under supervision. As a result, his mother cancelled his phone subscription in order to prevent him hanging out with the people from whom he had received the drugs. This added up with what he had been telling me for the past month, so I believed it. But cue the creepy music: this is the part in the horror movie where you don’t understand why the main character has to go deeper into the woods—just turn around and go back home, you darn fool! I decided to not bring up what I had found (or what I hadn’t found) when searching for him. I was more concerned about appearing like a complete creeper than getting direct answers. Maybe I was also a little afraid of finding out the truth as well. And so things continued on, just as dysfunctional and needy as they were before.

Exactly one month later, he drops another bomb on me—he has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and has known about it for the past year. Now, I know this is all bullshit, I KNOW IT. But there’s still that .01% of me that can’t turn my back on him. It could be real. I usually like this quality of mine, this overwhelming need to find the good in everybody, but man, it would be so much easier if it wasn’t there. Anyways, I’m worried sick about him and prepared to do anything he wants in order to help him get through this tough time. But just like last time, I would wake up the next morning and wouldn’t hear from him. This time, the silence lasted for about three months. This time, I was really done. Or at least that’s what I told myself, in between writing him weekly emails. Welp.

When he contacted me again, we pretended like nothing happened. The intensity was also gone. I would try to subtly drop hints that it would be okay if he were to tell me who he really was, that I wouldn’t judge him. He never did. One day, I tried Googling the name that I had found linked to his previous phone number, and I found a family tree blog. The woman had the same birth date as his mother, and the ages of her husband and children matched the ages of Matthew’s family. I Facebooked all of them, and found out that the daughter was basically a male version of Matthew. Her school, major, favorite television shows were all details of his life. She only had one band listed under favorite music, and wouldn’t you know it was just the craziest thing—all of their songs were his band’s songs.

I felt so triumphant that I had finally solved this mystery, and had found what I was looking for. But was I satisfied? I never confronted her about it: I wanted her to be the one to tell me. The one thing that I never got from my search was a “why.” I’m sure this is just me overthinking emotional situations and motivations again, but maybe I gave her the chance to figure herself out. Maybe she wanted to try out being in a relationship with a female, and didn’t have the courage to do it any other way. Maybe we really did connect in that initial meeting, and it snowballed from there. I’ll probably never know. As for me, it gave me the chance to figure myself out. I was unhappy with myself and that led to loneliness, which made it easy for me to be emotionally manipulated. Honestly, I probably needed something stupid like this to happen to me. Now I love who I currently am, the loneliness is gone, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I genuinely hope that she is too.

Photo by Remi Coin

Put Your Goddamn Shoes Back On

Every summer, hundreds take to the parks and beaches, ditch their shoes, wiggle their toes in the grass and the sand—and with every step, I cringe.

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Just in case you were raised by wolves, allow me to educate you: you need to wear your goddamn shoes. You should not run about willy-nilly in public places like beaches, forests, or parks without wearing some protection! I say this from personal experiencing the perils of ignoring common sense and my mother’s advice (but more on that later).

Cuts, Stings, Bites

There is a whole world of things that typically pass beneath your soles with no event: bent nails, flattened snails, and even those little pokey balls of death. But without shoes, the ick has no sympathy for your feet.

On the beach, sea glass is lovely stuff—smooth, pastel, beautiful. But do you know how it got that way? By rolling around, broken, in the water or through the sand for quite some time. And when you’re just walking innocently along the waterline, that newly donated (read: littered) glass will take no mercy on your unshod feet. Since water shoes are some of the dorkiest things to hit department stores since fanny packs, I typically go with some ol’ fashioned flip flops. They protect my feet from the bad stuff, while still allowing me to enjoy the water and sand.

Walking on soil in forests or fields can also expose you to a much livelier problem: hookworms. If you step on hookworm larvae, they can enter your body through your skin, causing rashes, allergic reactions, and infections. The hookworms will take up shop in your intestine, and requires some seriously nasty meds to flush out. What were you thinking, taking off your hiking boots like that?!

Last but not least, bees reign supreme as that minor annoyance that will completely ruin your picnic (and discomfort you for the next two weeks). Even with the generous assumption that you have been blessed without a bee allergy, tromping across a grassy field has never inspired as much regret as that moment when bee stinger meets squishy inter-toe flesh. If only you had slipped on some tennis shoes…

Broken Bones

So what makes me so passionate about pedal protection? Running around barefoot landed me with four broken bones.

Once upon a time, I attended a lovely beginning-of-summer BBQ, pumped to catch some rays and eat some burgers. Obviously, I decked myself in the quintessential California summer uniform: jean shorts, a tank top, and my comfiest sandals. After our second round of gooey, semi-charcoal’d cheeseburgers with a side of sour-cream-and-onion Lays, one of my compatriots whipped out a disc and challenged us all to a cut-throat game of Ultimate Frisbee.

Game on!

Of course, my similarly shod friends and I chucked off our sandals and commandeered the largest patch of grass we could: running, laughing, overthrowing the Frisbee.

My team—currently in the lead—was just about to thump our opponents with yet another landmark goal, when a defenseman ran up to block my catch. I turned, trying to thwart his attempt, and three of my toes twisted in the grass and folded under my foot. As my weight shifted onto my toes, they broke, and I fell to the ground. Instinctively, I brought up my forearm to protect myself—but instead of my arm breaking my fall, my fall broke my wrist.

It took all of my summer break for my wrist to heal, overlapping with a vacation to New York (in which I schlepped around in a bootie and sling and had to explain the game of Ultimate Frisbee to every single New Yorker in town) and my university orientation days (when I broke down in tears because I couldn’t write all the information being thrown at me).

So listen up, kids. You do not want to deal with all that. Put on your damn shoes.

Washing Your Car

It’s important to wash your car regularly, especially if you ever plan on selling it. Someone who is looking to buy a used car is more likely to buy a car that looks clean, and your paint job is the first thing people will see. A car that isn’t washed regularly will have its paint eaten through by sap, dirt, and other debris, which cause visible flaws in the paint and will make reselling the car much more difficult.

Photo by Sara Slattery

Washing your car by yourself can be a frugal and relaxing way to spend an afternoon. Getting all the necessary supplies to wash your car does have a small initial investment, but after you have all the supplies, you’ll be able to wash your car for about $1 each time (the cost of the soap and water). Much cheaper than a drive-thru car wash, and you have the peace of mind of knowing that everything was cleaned properly!

Washing by hand is the only way to wash a convertible car, and will save the paint job on any car! Drive-thru car washes that contact the paint with brushes strip your paint off each time and will cause your paint to fade prematurely. Washes that use high pressure nozzles have the same effect, albeit lesser.

1.       Supplies

You only need a few supplies to wash your car. You’ll need two buckets, three or four microfiber cloths, a wash mitten or car sponge, and some car soap. Do not use anything except car soap! Dish soap and other soaps can strip away the wax and clear coat on your paint. Additionally, microfiber cloths are ideal for washing and drying because they trap the dirt particles in their fibers, whereas a rag or a paper towel will drag the dirt along, scratching the paint.

You should be able to pick up everything you need at your local auto parts store for around $20.

2.       Preparation

Before you start washing the car, it’s best to find some nice shade to park under. If you can’t find any shade, you can go to a do-it-yourself carwash or wait until the right time of the day so that the sun isn’t directly blasting your car. Another option is to rinse your car in the sun, and then quickly park somewhere nice and shady.  If shade just isn’t an option, you’ll have to wash and dry the car one section at a time in order to prevent water spots from occurring.

Fill up one of your buckets with soap and water, and fill the other bucket with only water. Next, lift your windshield wipers up until they ‘click’ and stay off the windshield.

You’re almost ready to wash your car, but first double-check that all the windows are rolled up and all the doors are closed.

3.       Rinsing

When rinsing the car, don’t use a hose or a nozzle with too much water pressure: too much pressure will end up scratching your paint! A garden hose with a trigger spray attachment is perfect.

Start by rinsing the car from the top down. Start with the roof and work your way down to the sides of the car. This should remove or break loose most of the dirt, preventing scratches when you scrub the car with the sponge.

If you live in an area with snow, you’ll want to pay special attention to the wheel wells, as the salt used on the roads builds up and can cause corrosion if ignored.

4.       Washing

After you’ve finished rinsing the car, you’re ready to soap it. Grab your sponge and soak it in the soapy water. You’ll need to go around the entire car with the sponge, starting from the top and working your way down to the bottom of the car. Go section by section, making sure that you’ve removed all dirt and debris from each area of the car before moving on to the next. A good order is to start with the roof, move on to the hood/front bumper of the car, then work your way back along the passenger side until you reach the trunk/rear bumper, and then work around the driver’s side to the front of the car, starting with the top of each section and working your way down.

As you finish each section, it’s best to rinse the sponge off in the clean water bucket and then re-soap it in the other bucket. This prevents dirt from building up on the sponge, making it clean better and preventing scratches to your paint. Some parts of your car will be much dirtier than others, and you may have to rinse the sponge off multiple times in order to get one panel clean.

Once you’ve finished all the body panels, move onto the wheels. Grab a clean microfiber towel, dip it in the soap water, and wipe down the wheels, making sure you get the brake dust off of all the visible surfaces. Make sure that the towel you use for the wheels is kept as a wheel-only towel for all future washes, as leftover brake dust will scratch your paint.

5.       Rinsing (again)

This is the same as step 3, but now to rinse all the excess soap off. It’s important to rinse off all the excess soap because soap residue can cause damage to your car’s clear coat.

Instead of using a hose, you can choose to use a second sponge with the clean water bucket. Make sure to rinse the sponge out in the clean water often. Make sure not to use too much pressure on the sponge; all you want to do is break the dirt loose.  This method saves a lot of water, but can be a bit more time consuming.

6.       Drying

This is the part that becomes a race against time, and it is the reason for that nice shade you found earlier. When drying the car, start with the top and work your way down. This prevents water from the top running down to an area that you’ve already dried. Use one of the microfiber towels to wipe down the car and remove most of the excess water, making sure to wring it out as necessary. Once you’ve wiped the car down once with the first microfiber, grab another dry microfiber and go over the entire car again. This gets the car completely dry and prevents the water from evaporating off and leaving dirty residue or hard water stains.

After you’re satisfied that you’ve gotten everything dry, do a pass around the car to look for any water residue or streaking on the windows. If you find any residue or streaking, rub the second drying towel on that area and it should wipe off and shine clean.

7.       Waxing (optional)

Now is the perfect time to wax your car, if you so desire. When waxing, you want to use a minimal amount of wax. If white streak marks are visible after you’ve passed over an area, you’re using too much! Use a wax applicator pad to apply the wax, and wait approximately 5 minutes until the area hazes over before buffing with a clean microfiber towel. It’s best to apply and buff one section at a time. Waxing your car is important because it acts as a shield between your clear coat and the dirt, and your car shine for longer so you don’t need to wash your car as often.

If you’ve waxed your car using a high-quality wax (and followed the instructions properly), it will only be necessary to wash your car once a month. If you opted out of waxing your car, it’s best to wash it every week to prevent debris from eating through your clear coat and ultimately your paint.

Wax essentially acts as an extra layer of paint, keeping your car cleaner for longer while simultaneously protecting your paint and clear coat.

Things to note

Should you happen to have a convertible car, do not wash the soft top with a hose unless you’re absolutely positive you have no leaks. If you only have minor leaks, it’s ok to scrub it off by hand with a clean sponge and dry it off with a microfiber towel. Keep in mind that a fabric-like convertible top is not waterproof, it is just water resistant, while a vinyl top is waterproof.  If you’re unsure what kind of material your convertible top is made out of, you can ask your car dealership or a local auto parts store. It’s best not to use car soap on a convertible top, since most car soaps contain some sort of shine-enhancing oil, which the top will absorb and become a dust magnet.

If you have a truck, the steps above are almost the same. The only difference is that you will need to open the bed and rinse it out. If you have a bed liner, there’s no need to dry off the bed; but if your truck bed has no liner, then you need to dry inside the bed to prevent rust, residue, and hard water stains.

How to Order Meat & Eggs

Confession—I love meat, but I don’t eat beef. However, my street cred in understanding meat comes from dating ardent beef-eaters (I grew up in the Midwest, y’all), much to the dismay of my Hindu mother.

Photo by Sara Slattery

Recently, I dated a gentleman who was well-versed in beef and beer. Dinner conversations generally involved the words yeast, fermentation, and rare, which in hindsight points to signs that we were probably destined to break up.

So, while the only beefeater I prefer is gin, I will thank my relationships for imparting some worldly knowledge. I’ve eaten dinner with enough weirdoes to learn my restaurant etiquette, so you don’t have to!

Here’s my breakdown on the different ways to order steak and eggs (my specialty!) at a restaurant, without looking like a complete vegetarian.

STEAK:

First of all, steaks are any piece of meat that is considered a “fast cooking” cut: a cut that does not require long time to cook. Flavor and tenderness tend to have a mutually exclusive relationship; generally, the more lean or tender the steak is, the less flavor it has, because the flavor really comes from the fat. In addition, the muscles that do the most work such as the legs and neck tend to be more lean and tough as compared to their “lazier” counterparts.

Now, let’s put the grade and type of beef aside. There are two ways to tackle steak: cut and temperature. Let’s start with the different cuts or, to be crude, the areas of the cow which are available for your carnivorous pleasure. Depending on the cut, the tenderness, flavor, and cooking method can vary widely, but I’ve listed the popular ones below.

  • Forequarter cuts: These cuts are near the front of the cow, or “forequarters.”
    • The Rib: Pretty self explanatory: this meat can be short ribs, prime ribs, and rib eye steaks. The cow’s muscles near the ribs generally do not work hard or exercise; therefore, there is a great amount of marbling (intramuscular fat), making the meat relatively tender.
  • The Loins: Now, the hindquarter cuts can be broken down into three type:
    • Sirloin: While less tender than short loin, sirloin is generally more flavorful. It can also be further divided into top sirloin and bottom sirloin.
    • Tenderloin: This can be considered a sub-type of the loin. Staying true to its name, it is the most tender. Filet Mignon is a form of tenderloin. This comes from two relatively small pieces of tenderloin muscle in cattle, making the coveted steak pricier than its counterparts.
  • Miscellaneous: Other steaks like the chuck, round, and flank come from their respective areas and tend to be the tough cuts.
    • Chuck: A cut from the neck to the ribs. Many times, this steak includes shoulder bones and is generally is less expensive than its rib-based steak counterparts.
    • Rump Steak: Take a guess where this meat comes from! The rump meat is tough and is generally roasted.
    • Round Steak: This lean meat is from the thigh of cattle; due to the lack of fat, it does not tenderize quickly, so it is more suited to slow cooking methods such as roasting.
    • Flank Steak: This substantially tough steak is long and flat. The meat requires marinades and other slow cooking methods and are not ideal for steaks.

Now that you’ve figured out what part of the cow you’re eating, how would you like it served? High-end steakhouses may have their own variations, but here is a general guideline to temperature:

  • Rare: Cool, red center
  • Medium Rare: Warm, red center
  • Medium: Hot, red Center
  • Medium Well: Hot, pink Center
  • Well: No pink, brown

Photo by Sara Slattery

EGGS:

Now let me introduce my expertise—eggs. As a meat eater with a pretty strict vegetarian family, eggs are the only dishes that count as a free pass for everyone in my household to foray into the animal kingdom. In fact, most of my family turns a blind eye to eggs as long as the dish meets strict scientific requirements or, you know, doesn’t “smell eggy.”

  • Scrambled: The most common type of egg preparation, scrambled eggs are basically the yolk and the whites (unless you specify whites only!) beaten briskly to incorporate air and constantly stirred in a pan to produce large puffy curds of egg.
  • Over easy/medium/hard: These are all fried eggs that refer to the consistency of the yolk. For example, over easy implies a runny yolk with solidified whites, but over hard means to cook on both sides ‘till the yolk hardens.
  • Sunny-Side Up: A caveat of fried eggs, sunny-side up refers to one side of the eggs being fully cooked, while the yolk remains runny.  Crack an egg over low heat and let one side cook without flipping or pushing it around the pan. The difference between an over easy and a sunny-side up egg is that in preparing sunny-side eggs, you let only one side fry, while any “over” preparation requires you to flip the egg to the other side to cook the egg whites.
  • Poached: A poached egg has a smooth unbroken yolk that is surrounded evenly by a casing of eggs whites.  The preparation involves submerging the yolk in water, as opposed to letting it cook straight on the pan. Crack an egg into a bowl, without breaking the yolk, before sliding the contents into a pan of simmering water for cooking. Wait until the egg white has solidified, but the yolk stays soft. The key to success here is getting the freshest eggs possible and timing it right!
  • Boiled: Boiled eggs remain in their shells until they reach your plate. Despite the name, boiled eggs should not actually be boiled throughout the entire cooking process. Instead, bring eggs (with shell intact) to a boil and then remove them from the heat. For soft- or medium-boiled, let them stand for 2-3 minutes; but for hard boiled, let the eggs sit in the boiling water for 12 minutes. After your remove the eggs, plunge them immediately into a bowl of ice water to facilitate peeling off the shell.

While there is a wide spectrum and range that varies from country to country and restaurant to restaurant, this serves a general guide to understanding the steak and egg lingo.  The real key takeaway is that if you know how to order eggs and meat, you should definitely ask me out.

A Religions Primer

I’m not sure that there is any other part of human existence that is so often disputed as religion. Alongside politics and money, most won’t touch it with a ten-foot-pole in polite company, yet belief systems have formed and continue to form the foundation of life for many societies and individuals. “Religion” can be many things to many people: a set of guidelines for how to live a good life, a part of their culture, a guide to connecting with the divine, a source of oppression and violence, or simply nothing at all. My goal here is not to give the end-all-be-all breakdown of world religions and how to choose one—you can do that here, or here, or with this (taken with a grain of salt, of course)—but to look at the tip of the iceberg and share some ideas that might be helpful if you are interested in exploring a particular faith or faiths.

Photo by Sara Slattery

Let’s take a moment or two to consider why humans have gravitated towards religion throughout our existence and what basic characteristics distinguish religions from each other. A little “Religions 101,” if you will.

There are several main camps into which people fall when you look at their perspectives of religion: materialistic, functional, and belief-based.

  • A materialistic perspective proposes that humans have imagined that the supernatural exists, when in fact the material world is all that is real. (Marx and Freud fell into this camp: Marx felt that religion provided a false security to people and was used to oppress them; Freud thought that religion was no more than a “universal obsessional neurosis.”)
  • A functional perspective proposes that, regardless of whether or not the supernatural exists, religion is useful for both societies and individuals to create harmony and health, to further the human species, and/or to create a sense of purpose and security.
  • A belief-based perspective proposes that there is a larger-than-life supernatural reality, and religions are humanity’s responses to that reality. (Many names have been given to encounters with that reality, like enlightenment, realization, illumination, kensho, awakening, self-knowledge, gnosis, ecstatic communion, and “coming home.”)

If you feel that you have a functional or belief-based perspective about the supernatural or divine reality, exploring the kinds of religions that might suit you could be the next step. However, it’s helpful to be aware of how your perspective influences your interest in religion. If you have a functional perspective, then the lifestyle, daily practices, or community aspects of a religion may be the most important to you. If you have a belief-based perspective, then the ideas and beliefs of a religion may be more important, though those often will still include the lifestyle, practices, and community elements.

Once you know why you want to explore religions, it can help to think about the different kinds of religions that are out there, in case certain types resonate with you more than others.

Some religions (like Christianity or Judaism) distinguish between the profane existence of our everyday world and the sacred existence of the spiritual world. Some religions (such as Taoism) say that the profane and the sacred co-exist or aren’t different realities at all. Certain religions (like Buddhism) teach that the sacred is immanent or present in our lives, whereas others (such as Hinduism) teach that the sacred is mostly transcendent, existing in another sort of reality that can be accessed through prayer or ritual.

Then there are the concepts of a sacred being or entity. Depending on the religion, there may be a personal being: a Mother, Father, Teacher, Friend, or the Beloved; or, there may be a specific being with a name and a life-story. These beings often serve to personalize some or all aspects of the divine in a way that allows practitioners to connect with it. These deities may also serve as examples for how humans should live. And, sometimes, the divine is characterized as something other than a person—as elements of non-human nature, as all of existence, or as a pervasive force or love that exists in the world supernaturally.

Religions are often categorized by the number of sacred beings or entities they believe in—monotheistic religions have one, polytheistic religions have many, monistic religions hold that there is a divine nature underlying everything, and nontheistic religions don’t attribute the divine to any particular being or entity.

Whether you are atheist (believing that there is no deity), you are agnostic (not sure whether the divine exists), you believe in something but want to give it more structure, or you were raised in one religion and don’t feel like it is spiritually fulfilling anymore, understanding why you are interested and what basic types of religions are out there is a good start! If you find that you want to learn more about particular religions, you can check out resources like BBC’s religions guide website; though beware of the plethora of biased and inaccurate information about religions that exists online. To play it safe, you can find many basic comparative religion books, like John Bowker’s World Religions or Huston Smith’s The World’s Religions.

Console Wars: Here We Go Again

It’s that time again. A wave of next-generation video game consoles are lined up for gamers, with the three console giants (Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo) offering up their latest and greatest products. With consoles becoming a dying breed, and their sales dwindling compared to social and PC gaming, what should you know about the next generation, and which console is right for you to buy when they are released this holiday season?

Nintendo Wii-U – $299

In an attempt to get a headstart on the competition, Nintendo released their next-gen console a year in advance. As such, it is already glaringly obvious from the Wii-U sales that Nintendo’s new high-definition console has fallen quite far from the innovation of its predecessor.

The Wii-U’s two main selling points are the inclusion of HD graphics (finally) and the new gamepad. While an interesting piece of hardware, the gamepad has yet to be utilized by game developers in a way that enhances gameplay beyond that of the Wii. The inclusion of HD is something that should have been a part of the Wii from the start, and now feels like Nintendo is just playing catch-up at this point.

The problem with the Wii-U is that it ultimately doesn’t amount to much more than a glorified Wii system with new hardware that is hardly used by developers. The Wii’s innovative design was quite groundbreaking at the time, and it created a gaming market for an age group that was otherwise uninterested in gaming. Now, the Wii-U is a poor attempt at marketing towards the hardcore gamer market. Nintendo used to be the top in hardcore gaming and game consoles; however, since the release of the Wii, Nintendo fans have criticized the company for neglecting the hardcore market. The Wii-U was ambitious by trying to please both casual and hardcore markets, but the result is a console that fails to please either side of the spectrum.

Who Should Buy It: Anyone interested in a lower-priced gaming console and casual gaming who doesn’t already own a Wii, or a gamer who is really committed to Mario and Zelda games.

Microsoft Xbox One – $499

The Xbox One is Microsoft’s answer to an all-in-one media hub. The Xbox 360 was best known for its Xbox Live service, as well as its Kinect motion sensor. In the Xbox One, Kinect will be integrated right out of the box and, in addition to the regular Live service, Xbox One users will have access to movies, television, music, and internet browsing, as well as the library of games.

One of the biggest criticisms of the Xbox One was their integration of the user’s console with their network, as well as their harsh DRM (Digital Rights Management) rules. Originally, the console was required to connect to the Internet at least once every 24 hours, potentially alienating gamers who prefer to play offline. Games bought in a store were also meant to be linked to a particular player’s account in order to work, making reselling or lending a game to a friend a difficult process.

Thankfully, Microsoft recently backtracked on these due to negative feedback. To me, this says two things. First, they are actually listening to their potential buyers. Second, if they back-pedaled this easily on something they were so adamant about when the console was announced, it doesn’t send a strong sense of confidence about the Xbox One in general. While it is important for companies to listen to consumers, it is the company’s job to ultimately decide what is delivered in the final product. Innovation is the responsibility of the company itself.

Maybe they should just call it the Xbox 180.

Who Should Buy It: Anyone looking for a device that integrates various media, is particularly fond of previous Xbox products, and can afford the heftier price tag.

Sony PlayStation 4 – $399

The PlayStation 4 has been the thing of rumors for years. When the PlayStation 3 was initially revealed, its presentation and subsequent lack of promised features led to parody and ridicule. The PlayStation 4 reveal, however, was simple and to the point: the PlayStation 4 is designed for hardcore gamers, who have lacked a proper dedicated console for a long time.

 The PlayStation 4 is pretty much a powerful gaming PC wrapped in a console. In addition to the powerful hardware, the PlayStation 4 does not stray far from the controller PlayStation fans have become accustomed to for nearly two decades. (Speaking of PlayStation history, there are plans to include previous PlayStation titles in a streaming cloud service to solve future problems of backwards compatibility.)

In comparison with the Xbox One, the PlayStation 4’s selling points are its price, the way they have handled used-game resale, and its Digital Rights Management. The PlayStation 4 will sell for one hundred dollars cheaper than the Xbox One. In addition, Sony’s policy towards used games (from the start) is that, if you buy a copy of the game, you have the right to trade it in, let a friend borrow it, or keep it forever.

Who Should Buy It: Serious gamers, and that’s pretty much it. As exciting as the PS4 sounds, it seems to be doing the opposite of what the Wii did years ago, and seems likely to alienate casual gamers.

Fifteen years ago, there wasn’t a lot of variation in the game market to guide the creation of new systems. However, today we have huge divides between many factions of gamers. Some systems will be best for casual gamers, while others will be better for the more serious gamers. Personally, I believe if you are a casual gamer, the perfect system already exists for you: the Wii. If you haven’t bought a Wii yet, that might be a good reason to buy the Wii-U. For the serious gamer, the PlayStation 4 seems more likely to challenge and entertain. The Xbox One seems to be somewhere in the middle, for your semi-casual, semi-serious gamers who sometimes just want to binge-watch Arrested Development instead of pwning noobs.

next gen consoles square

Unmentionables Unearthed: Buying Bras

The humor and irony of writing this article on the purchasing practices of bras is not lost on me: this June marks exactly fifteen years since that fateful summer day when my doting, dutiful grandma bought me three training bras of differing colors and sizes and placed them on my bed… which I, in turn, threw on the kitchen floor in a hateful rage. I slammed my bedroom door and sent myself to bed without dinner. I was fighting a losing battle against Father Time and puberty. I was not going to wear those nasty body girdles. I was going to play outside on the trampoline in my overalls in all my asexual glory. Every day. Forever.

Photo by Sara Slattery

Well, that didn’t work out so well. That nasty body girdle did indeed become a part of my future. During my freshman year of college, I held down a job at Gap Body (you know, that area of the Gap where the music suddenly changes over to the spa-day playlist and there are never any boys ever). Every day, I measured at least three or four different ladies for their bra size. Would it shock you to know that most women are walking around wearing the wrong bra size? These weren’t 13-year-old girls, clueless about what the eff was going on under their overalls (do 13-year-olds still wear overalls? Was that just me? Whatever, irrelevant). These were grown ladies who ought to have known that they were wearing the wrong size! One day, I did a measurement on myself, only to find that I, too, was in the totally-wrong-size club! I remedied that right away with my sweet employee discount.

You can find these tutorials all over the interwebs, but here are a few basic tips that I learned that year for figuring out which bra is perfect for you (all DIY!) from sizing to style and everything in between:

  • First of all, find out what your size really is! Get a flexible measuring tape and wrap it around the area that’s just above your ribcage and just below your girls. If, for example, you measure in at 31”, your band size is typically 2-3 digits up from that number (so, a 34). Traditionally, you’re supposed to round up. Everyone should get measured! Wearing the right size feels great. Your clothes suddenly fit better, and you might discover a more defined waistline that wasn’t there before!
  • If you’ve got some mad spillage occurring over the edges or if the center isn’t lying flat against your sternum, your cup size is too small. If you notice the fabric / padding is lumpy and folding in on itself, it’s too big. If it feels nice and smooth when you put it on and you can’t really see the lines under your shirt, then well done! That’s the right cup size.
  • However, my next point is about to debunk everything I just said! Not all bras are created equal! I know, right? But, just like pants in a size 2 at one store fit like another store’s size 4, sometimes bras don’t all fit the same. Every bra fits each body a little bit differently, depending upon how much padding the thing has, how broad your shoulders are, how tall you are… everything! My advice is to try everything on, no matter what. Whenever ladies would come into the store and ask for something in their size, I’d always recommend that they try it on before walking out the door with it. Treat your bra size like a really solid ballpark figure. If the bra isn’t comfortable when you put it on, then try a slightly different size (see the next bullet point about “sister sizes”). I know this isn’t what Victoria’s Secret and the like would want me to say about this, but I think every lady can attest to this: sometimes, an article of clothing is just…well… made differently.  TRY. IT. ON.
  • So, like, another bonkers thing: bras are designed so that a 34C, for example, should fit you the same as a 36B. People call these “sister sizes”. The cup size is actually relative to the ribcage measurement. Technically, you ought to stick to your correct band size, but you can get away with it if you absolutely have to have that particular bra and they don’t have it in your size. It should probably fit fine, but as I said before, try that puppy on!
  • Now, something I had to recommend to the ladies over at good ol’ Gap Body was to put their shirts back on over the bras once they tried them on. For whatever reason, not everybody does this in the fitting room! But unless you’re making this purchase for one specific, frisky evening and you don’t ever plan to wear it under your clothing, you should seriously make sure you know what it looks like under your shirt. A lot of people don’t put their shirt back on! Why, I do not know! It’s worth noting that I was recently at a Victoria’s Secret location that had a t-shirt in each fitting room to encourage this practice! It was such a nice idea that I just had to give them a shoutout here.
  • Now, some practical advice as it relates to style: I don’t know about y’all, but not every day is lacy push-up sexytime day. I need a wide variety of comfort levels in my unmentionables drawer. American Apparel makes my absolute favorite everyday comfort bra (which is awesome for both casual wear and for working out). These come in a wide variety of styles and colors. I adore them, but I’ll admit they don’t provide a ton of support if you’re more endowed than I am! But the point is this: pick your favorite comfort poison, and buy a bunch in that same style. You’ll want an arsenal for everyday wear. Then, crank it up just a hair and buy a few that are flirty and fun, but aren’t necessarily bras you’d go jogging in. These should still be comfy and look great under your typical work clothes. There’s nothing weirder than wearing a super sexy bra under a top you’ve had on all day (perhaps in preparation for a big date or you just haven’t done laundry in a while) and it’s obvious that it’s just too much. So, continue to keep it simple in shape and scope. Lastly, get yourself one or two really high octane get-ups. (These, my friend, do not necessarily have to look appropriate under the shirt!)

So, what’d we learn? Measure thyself. Be wary of slight differences between designers. Don’t be afraid to be down with sister sizes. Put the shirt back on. And buy what makes you look and feel not only sexy, but comfy too! After all, we can’t wear overalls forever. Not that we should aspire to.

Traveling Abroad

There is no single road map to studying and traveling abroad. It is an experience that you make all your own, that you can shape into anything you want. Some people leave their home with just a backpack and three months to see the world. And some plan everything perfectly, scheduling every minute. No one way is right.

But whether you like to plan everything or you love to just let the wind take you, everything changes once you step off that plane, train, or automobile and you’re in an entirely new place! And to make sure you aren’t stuck spending exorbitant amounts of money to save yourself, here are a few tips from a seasoned frugal traveler.

Cheap Travel

Buy in advance: By planning your country and city hops in advance, you will save money and gain convenience. Tickets for most transportation companies (especially in America and Europe) are much cheaper if you buy them in advance, and can sometimes save you hundreds of dollars. Spontaneity is awesome, if you can afford it, but if you are on a tight money-made leash, a solid travel plan will be your best friend. If you are a student, you qualify for Student Universe, which is a website that helps students find the best plane ticket prices and has some awesome deals for accommodation, too. As for places to sleep, hostels are almost always going to be cheaper than hotels, and you can find some great and safe places to stay on websites like hostelworld.com. A lot of hostels offer deals, such as extra nights for half price, but you have to check with the hostel before you book.

Travel light: If you are traveling by car or bus, this is less relevant, but if you are traveling by train or plane, using just a carry-on bag will save you boat-loads. A lot of cheap airlines like EasyJet or Ryanair (European budget airlines) will charge you an extra 50 to 75 dollars to check a bag. Investing in a small backpack was the best thing I ever did while traveling in Europe, because I could take it on any airline. And if you are worried about your clothes fitting into a small pack, rolling them up makes them infinitely smaller and you can fit a lot more things. But this also gave me a lesson in importance. Did I really need to bring three pairs of shoes for a four-day trip? Do I need six different tank tops? It takes some practice, but eventually you’ll figure out what you can and cannot live without while traveling.

Getting Around

The Benefits of Walking: Public transportation may seem cheap on the surface, but it’s one of those charges that eventually stacks up. Before you know it, you’ve spent 50 bucks on bus tickets that you didn’t need! This is where the benefits of walking come in. Not only do you save money, but you get a great workout too. You also get to see and explore a lot more of the city if you walk, because your legs can take you places that buses or trams cannot fit. Make sure you bring super comfy walking shoes! If you are traveling to a country that doesn’t speak English, you might also want to either invest in a phrase book or learn a few choice phrases. In many major cities, a lot of people speak English, but it’s polite to at least say please and thank you in the native tongue. You could also find yourself in situation where you need to ask for help, so learning how to ask for an English speaker is a good idea, too. The further away from urban cities you go, the harder it will be to find an English speaker, so be prepared!

Maps, Maps, Maps: For those who are directionally challenged like myself, walking seems much more frightening when your smart phone only works in WiFi zones. But you know what never runs out of battery or range? Paper maps! Almost all hostels and hotels carry city maps. Just ask the front desk to circle where your hostel location is on the map so you always remember where to go if you do get lost. The hostel staff knows the city best, so if you want help in finding cool things to do or see that might be off the beaten path, just ask! They’ll know where the cooler parts of the city are and what places to stay away from. Once you’re out and about, find big landmarks and orient yourself from their locations and then just keep track of street signs. It’s easier than you realize and after a couple of cities, you’ll have a great new skill!

Food, Souvenirs, and General Merriment

Champagne on a Beer Budget: For me, one of the most important factors of a new city or country is the food. Every country is famous for a national dish or cuisine, so do some research and take advantage of it! But food can also be one of the more expensive parts of the trip, especially if all you can find are tourist traps. To get the best experience, try to get away from the center of the city. Some of the best (and cheapest) restaurants are going to be away from the crowded touristy areas. If you are not sure what these tourist traps are, you can follow this golden rule: any place that has pictures of food outside their establishment is not going to be that great and is usually overpriced. If you are traveling on the cheap, consider using your hostel kitchen to cook at least one meal a day, such as pasta or salad (almost all hostels have a kitchen, but not many hotels so choose according to your needs). That way you can try some of the pricier eateries without emptying your wallet.

Keepsakes and Memories: I am not a particularly sentimental person, but I know a lot of people who are, and buying keepsakes or knickknacks from a new city can help to preserve the memories of a truly excellent trip. If you want something that reflects the city or country you are in, try to find a flea market or a town shop that sells items that have historical or cultural value. These things will usually be more expensive, but will have much more sentimental value. If knickknacks aren’t really your thing, just bring a camera or buy a bunch of postcards. They are easy to travel with and can make for some excellent scrapbooking materials (along with those beat up city maps you’ve been using!).

General Merriment: Walking around and seeing a city is great, but there are also a lot of historical or cultural places to see as well! However, these can sometimes cost quite a bit of money to enter. Some of the most magnificent things to see are old churches or government buildings or museums. To get the best deals, do some research and see when places open and their prices. A lot of churches and museums, in Europe especially, are free on Sundays at certain times. If you have a student card, use it to get great discounts. If there is a church you would really like to see but it’s super expensive, try to go to an Evensong, which is a short evening worship service with no Eucharist. This way you get in for free! Your hostel might also offer some great options for tours, such as free walking tours or bike tours, which will help you get used to the city before venturing out on your own.

Studying and traveling abroad was a much harder and much more rewarding experience than I ever thought it would be. You keep expecting everything to settle down and to be normal, but it never does. You are always moving and you are always on your toes, which can get exhausting fast. So if you can, create rituals for yourself. Find a coffee shop to sit in everyday to create a routine. Bring a book with you wherever you go, or people watch while you sit on the side of the street. Traveling and being abroad is an experience that happens to you, and you can make it whatever you want it to be. So read as much as you can and prepare as much as you can, but don’t be afraid to change your mind and to try something completely different—sometimes those can be the greatest experiences of them all!

Photo by Michelle White

Photo by Michelle White

Self-Waxing In A Walk-In Closet*

* I’m not saying you HAVE to do this in a walk-in closet—that’s just the approximate size of my bedroom. (No. Really.) Obviously, it doesn’t matter where you wax, but it may be encouraging to know that you can do it even in the tightest of spaces; to be clear, I’m talking about rooms here.

So you’ve decided to self-wax. Good for you! Waxing is a quick, long-lasting way to rid yourself of any body hair that you would personally like to obliterate. And self-waxing (or as I call it, productive masochism) can save you time and a lot of money.

waxing square

Photo by Sara Slattery

And before you ask: I’m not going to get into the feminist/anti-feminist/aesthetic/societal reasons for wanting to remove some or all of your body hair. If you prefer to let yourself grow wild, more power to you. You can spend this article kicking back and thinking about how long you’d outlast most women in the Siberian tundra.

First, a list for getting started. You’ll need:

  • Hair. Hair that is at least ¼” in length, and no longer than ½”.
  • Wax. I prefer the kind of wax that requires strips (see below for why). Microwaveable wax is the easiest to find in stores, but you’ll be making trips to the microwave every 15 minutes or so to reheat it, so if like me, you have male roommates who come home at inopportune times and that’s not a realistic option, then I would recommend cold wax. Cold wax, which is harder to find (I got mine at Whole Body at Whole Foods Market), only requires one or two zaps in the microwave over the whole process, and it’s also usually made from sugar, so you can rinse the wax off the strips and reuse them afterwards (holla).
  • Strips! Muslin strips come with most jars of wax, but you’ll probably eventually find that you have more wax than you do strips. So if you spot a roll of muslin at some beauty supply store, do yourself a favor and buy it before the day comes when your underarms are covered in wax and you’re scrambling to determine your most expendable t-shirt. Because it’s sad, and yes, you are going to miss that Guster tee.
  • Baby oil. This is the best way to remove wax from any surface, especially skin. (The first time I waxed my legs, it took about 40 minutes for me to look this up with only the side of my left pinkie to type with. The more you know.)
  • Old newspaper or magazines. Use these to cover any surface, including the floor, within a 4’ radius of you, so as not to drip any wax that may go undiscovered until you step on it and tread it all over your apartment.

About 30 minutes before you start, take an ibuprofen—this is optional, but it helps, especially if the idea of (minimal!) pain has you nervous. Make sure your skin is clean and, if you’re planning on doing your underarms, deodorant-free. Next, put on some crappy reality TV show or an episode of a sitcom you’ve already seen (I recommend 30 Rock reruns) to put your mind at ease. I’ll also note that I’m currently eating jerky from the Malaysian jerky stand while I wax, which is of course optional. Last, if you have long hair and no intentions to wax it off, you should put it up.

Put on a robe (or not) and scurry over to the microwave with your jar of wax, following heating instructions from the package. You’ll find that you almost always have to nuke it for longer than they suggest. Does the wax look like honey when you stir it with its accompanying Popsicle stick? Then it’s ready!

Return to your quarters, then set the wax down somewhere very close to you, so as to minimize dripping. You can use a chair both to hold the wax jar and to prop up your foot if you’re doing your bikini area or leg. Try and position yourself in front of a mirror in order to better see what you’re doing. If you’re looking for a “starter” body part to wax, I recommend the legs, which are easy to see (except maybe behind your knees) and least sensitive.

Coat the Popsicle stick—not too thickly— with the warm wax (touch it first with your finger to make sure you’re not about to sear your skin); then, with a strip handy, administer a thin layer onto your skin in the direction of hair growth. Take a look if you’re not sure about this: leg hair grows in a downward direction, for example; underarm hair, the opposite. The administered wax can be as wide as 2” and as long as 6-8”. No turning back now!

Pull the skin taut, preferably in the same direction as you schmeared the wax, and quickly cover the area with a strip, smoothing it down. It’s fine—preferable, even—if the strip covers a wider area than the wax you put down. Now here’s the best part: before you have time to even process the phrase “Worth it?”, yank that strip in the opposite direction of hair growth, and take a look! It should be coated with wax, as well as (hopefully) most of the hair that was once attached to your skin. Gross/Awesome!

A quick stripless wax tangent: Stripless wax (Surgi-Wax being the most popular example) doesn’t require muslin strips, because the wax dries on its own, after which point you can flick up the end of the strip and yank it all off. As I said before, I prefer wax with separate strips; let me lay out from experience the process of using stripless wax for you:

You’ve got one leg up on the chair. You glide the wax smoothly down your leg before pulling the skin taut. Then, tightening your jaw, you brace yourself for the pain… and keep bracing… and keep bracing… for thirty seconds. Which may seem like a short amount of time, but it translates to basically an eternity when you know that that half-minute countdown ends with you tearing a dried piece of hair-plastered wax from your leg (or else it’ll just stay there forever). Trust me, nothing good will be accomplished in that thirty seconds—it’s like trying to read a Jane Austen novel, up a tree, with an enraged bear underneath you. Now, repeat a million times.

Carefully make your way around your chosen appendage, overlapping by a couple centimeters over the previous patch of waxed skin to avoid missing any spots. Because some follicles are just tougher than others, you may have some stray hairs remaining when you’re done. You can just leave those, or you can remove them individually with a tweezers like me, because control issues.

Practice makes perfect with this ancient art—you may find that you’re not picking up most of the hair your first time waxing, which may be a heat issue or a thickness issue with the wax. But the more you do it, the more precise it’ll be, not to mention the hair will grow back less thickly each time. When you’re done, dab your freshly waxed parts with some baby oil, reminding them that you’re doing this because you love them. Then shut off 30 Rock, put on some clothes, and go enjoy your new, balder self!

Tackling a Phone Interview

In a world where 50% of college graduates are jobless, working below their educational level, or outside their field, it’s not unreasonable to think that you may have to interview over the telephone for a faraway job at some point or another. Telephone interviews are strange beasts, because you can’t rely on many of the things that help a lot, like non-verbal communication and environmental clues.

PhoneIntSquare

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Daunting as this may seem, there are lots of things you can do to make this not so painful. You could even make it work to your advantage! Below are some tried-and-true tips that help me when I’m getting ready for a phone interview, and when I’m in the thick of the interview itself.

Prep Yourself:

  • Clearly write out all your answers ahead of time, and highlight important parts. It’s like an open-book interview!

An easy way to do this is to make a grid with three columns. In the first column, write out each qualification or responsibility listed in the job description. Then, in the second column, write crib notes about something you did that met each responsibility or qualification. In the third column, write what you learned from that experience or if there is anything you would have done differently.

Voila! Interview cheat sheet done and done! Keep this in front of you during the phone conversation to reference.

Prep Your Space:

  • Find a place that is quiet where you won’t be disturbed. Then, make sure you get great reception there. If you live in a house that still has a landline (I hear they still exist), use that instead of your cell phone.
  • Put a mirror across from you. As long as you don’t get distracted by how strange your mouth looks or something, you’ll feel more like you are in a conversation.
  • Use speakerphone or a headset. If you talk with your hands like me, there is no chance of you flinging the phone across the room and needing to scramble to pick it up.
  • Be prepared to start your interview at least ten minutes early. Be in place. Sit at a clean table with no distractions. Have your notes and other supplies ready and set to go.
  • Have water handy, but not close enough for to you to knock over with a sweeping gesture.
  • Make sure to have some scratch paper handy so you don’t have to jump up and run to another room. The people on the other end of the line will hear, and you’ll feel uncomfortable for the rest of the conversation!

During the Interview:

  • If you feel comfortable doing so, ask how many questions there will be, and figure out how much time you have per question so you can keep track, or ask about how much time you have for each question. This will help you pace yourself well, and avoid taking up too much of your interviewer’s time.
  • Write down the questions the interviewer asks you, especially if you are a visual learner or if each question has multiple parts. (Want to know more about your learning style? Here is a great quiz.) Jot down initial notes about what you’d like to say, if you can do so quickly.
    This will also come in handy in follow-up interviews, as you’ll know which stories you’ve already told and what you can elaborate on.
  • Be sure to end your questions well, so that your interviewers know what’s going on. It’s easy to ramble on about the time you started a new initiative at work. It’s better to be concise and clear than give every detail in an organized way.

Biggest tip:

  • Be yourself! People can tell when you are trying to play the part. More importantly, most interviews are about fit rather than qualifications: resumes are already there to make sure you meet the basic requirements. There is never an objectively best candidate, and you will never know what the interviewer is actually looking for.

Really, there is no advantage to trying to be someone you’re not. Worst-case scenario is that if you are acting like someone else, you may find yourself in a situation where neither you nor your employer is happy because you weren’t honest during the interview process. Plus, you’re a wonderful, hardworking person! Who wouldn’t love to hire you?

There is no doubt that this is a nerve-wracking process, especially with student loan debt possibly hanging over your head, the fear of losing or not getting health care, and the simple necessity of being able to feed yourself! Use the tips above to give yourself an edge, or at least some peace of mind, through the process of finding a job.

Don’t lose sight of your goal, and don’t give up!