Dating.

It seems like such a foreign word, conjuring thoughts of Pleasantville and getting pinned and going steady. I don’t know when it happened, perhaps with the advent of technology (most specifically social networking), but the process of dating is a journey lined with hurdles and nothing like the idealized (essentially fictionalized) version we think of.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard the phrase: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (or princess, as the case may be).” But the problem with that advice is that everyone focuses on the idea of finding their prince(ss), as opposed to kissing those hundreds of frogs. Why would they? Let’s be honest–it’s a messy process.

So, let’s break it down.

You’ve met a guy. He’s cute. You’re interested. He’s interested. Seems like it should be a no-brainer from there, right?

Wrong.

Of course it’s not that easy.  If it were that easy, Sex and the City wouldn’t have been on the air for six seasons and Cosmopolitan wouldn’t have any readers.

Dating is supposed to be the process through which two people find out if they’re compatible enough to start a relationship with each other. However, what it’s turned into is a series of false hopes and constant miscommunications that’s never as easy as your average romantic comedy would let you believe. But it CAN be fun. I promise!

Expectation #1: He knows you’re interested, and he’ll make a move.

The reality is, unless there has been confirmation from multiple people, he probably has NO clue that you’re into him.  This part of dating is the absolute worst. It feels like middle school and waiting impatiently for a crumpled note that reads, “Check Y or N, DO U LIKE ME?” to make its way back to you with an answer. During this time, your friends are going to have a ton of “useful” advice that might help or just delay whatever union is going to happen. So here’s what I say: screw it. If you’re interested, why wait for the confirmation? Be the first one to speak up. If he thinks the words, “I like you,” are too scary to hear, you’re better off not going out in the first place. And, if he likes you too, he might be totally relieved you took the pressure of saying it first off and thank you for it.

So, you’ve confirmed you like him, and he likes you. And you’ve made a move. Or he’s made a move. Regardless, a move has been made. Smooth-ish sailing so far…

Expectation #2: He’ll make plans to see you.

Reality Check: He wants to make plans to see you. I’m sure he really, really does. But there are so many scheduling factors fighting against you.  Work, sleep, friends, family, the list goes on. And balance isn’t always everyone’s forte. Thankfully, we live in a time where phones and the Internet are available, and until you can meet face-to-face, this isn’t a bad way to keep communication going. So try not to stress. If he’s into you (and you’re into him), you’ll find the time to see each other.

Expectation #3: If your plans with him are a priority, his plans with you are a priority.

Not always. It’s the beginning, and things are going to happen slowly. Try not to get impatient, as impossible as that may sound. But sitting, staring at your phone, wondering if he’s lost interest or if his schedule really is that packed isn’t going to make him make plans with you any faster. If anything, pestering him may make him want to make plans with you less.

Frustration Solution: Find a safe friend to vent to and distract yourself with commiserating.

Expectation #4: You share the same ideas about sex.

This is the worst one to assume and most often the one that causes the most problems. Unless you’ve talked about it beforehand, you’re more than likely not on the same page. Doesn’t mean you can’t be, but you need to start with some very important questions. The first one being: if you sleep together, does that mean you’re exclusive? Does it make things more serious? Follow up: what kind of protection are we using? Second follow up: how would you handle an accidental pregnancy?

Boys, have you stopped breathing yet? If you have, good. And listen up. These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my mind when dealing with sex. I know that STDs aren’t gender exclusive, but until you have to worry about getting knocked up, you can’t really understand. This is why I, for one, take sex as a serious step. So ladies, if this is true for you too—for the love of your ovaries (and sanity)—TALK ABOUT IT FIRST. A casual, “Hey, if we sleep together, we’re using a condom and I don’t want you seeing other people,” will suffice. Then, you’ve said your piece and given him the opportunity to go all in or back out. Because even if sex isn’t a casual thing for you, doesn’t mean it’s NOT for him.

Pro Tip: Please make sure your clothes are still on at this point. I have it on good authority that once clothes are off, people stop comprehending words and just hear noises (and will pretty much nod at anything just as long as it means you’ll stay naked).

Expectation #5: You’re both available and interested in a relationship.

You both like each other. You’ve gone out. Maybe you’ve slept together. You’ve successfully started dating! Yay?

Final Reality Check: Make sure you’re on the same page about where things are going. If you’re interested in a relationship and he’s looking for someone to call for a convenient hook up, it’s not going to work out. If he’s still into his ex and looking for a rebound, do you really want to keep seeing him? Oh, and if he has a significant other who “knows about you, and is totally fine with it, but still refuses to introduce you,” run as fast as you can.

If any of the above is true, don’t fret. After all, that’s what tequila’s for. And if that doesn’t help, don’t forget there are a few hundred more frogs out there ready to be kissed, too.