Category Archives: Food

Food, Money

Drinking on the Cheap: Wines

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So, you need to buy some wine. You’ve been invited to a dinner party and asked to bring a bottle of wine, or you want to buy a decent bottle for a friend. Problem is that you don’t know anything about wine (we can help with that) and while you don’t want to spend $80 on a nice bottle, you don’t want to look cheap either. Well, good news! You can get good wine without blowing a day’s pay. The number one rule about wine (contrary to what the fancy-pants “connoisseurs” would have you believe) is that it doesn’t always matter what the wine costs.

Where does one find these awesome cheap wines? Anywhere from your local grocery store to BevMo!, Trader Joe’s, Costco, or Target.

BevMo! is great if you don’t know what you want, because they have a little blurb about the wine on the shelf tags, with descriptive words like buttery, fruity, or earthy and a rating from Wilfred Wong, their own personal taster (who seems to have good taste in my experience). These descriptions usually try to embrace the experience of the wine, not necessarily exactly how they taste, so I would suggest going for whatever sounds good to you. BevMo! also has a pretty knowledgeable staff, so talk to them if you need help—they answer questions from novice drinkers all day, so no question is too weird for them. Their 5-Cent Sale is fantastic and available at most branches at least twice a year (plus there’s always a rotating selection of valid 5-Cent wines on their website), so you can buy one bottle that looks good and get the second for 5 cents. I like this sale because it’s a little easier to justify buying a $20 bottle when you get two for $20.05.

Trader Joe’s gets the overstock from wineries making room for new bottles, so their wines are awesomely priced. They have the famous stereotype-crushing “Two-Buck Chuck” Charles Shaw wine that’s now, contrary to the nickname, $2.50. Charles Shaw does make great award-winning wines, beating out higher-priced competitors, and it is a great, reliable wine for a dinner party. I probably wouldn’t give it as a gift though, since it is well-known for being an inexpensive wine.

Now that you know where to go, what the heck kind of wine should you get? It’s always good to match the wine with the food being served if you’re buying for a dinner party or event. Rule of thumb: white dinner wines with fish and lighter foods; red wines with red meat and hearty foods; and, leave the syrupy dessert wines for after dinner. A great website to bookmark is WineToMatch.com, where you can enter a description of your meal, and it will recommend wines to pair. Chardonnay (a crisp and sometimes buttery white), Pinot Noir (a lighter, fruity red), and Cabernet Sauvignon (a dense red) are good go-to wines for gifts, because they’re so popular and easy to find. A few good labels to look for are Yellow Tail (ignore their silly commercials), Sterling Chardonnay, and Ravenswood Vintner Blend series. [For more information on the different types of wines check out: "Wines: Understanding that Shit."]

It really boils down to what you like. Taste everything, and don’t be afraid to buy a bottle just because you think the label is awesome or it’s got a fun name (especially if it fits with your fellow guests’ or gift recipients’ sense of humor). If it looks good, go for it! Keep a wine journal, or a list of wines you’ve tasted, and write down what you thought of them. Find a wine you like and use that as your go-to. Your own favorite wine will make a great gift to give: it might be something they hadn’t tried yet and it makes the gift a little more personal. You may not love every wine you try, but at least if you stick to the less expensive ones, it’s not a big loss and you can always use it for cooking!

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Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Food

Learning to Live Gluten Free

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Chances are, if you walk around any grocery store, you will see signs of the gluten-free movement. Some stores have entire sections; others have bright, noticeable labels to help you find products free of wheat, barely, rye and other gluten ingredients. What you may not know is that these products are not just a side effect of the latest fad diet; it’s how millions of people around the country with gluten intolerance and celiac disease manage their condition.

I won’t go into terrible detail here on symptoms and diagnosis, or what it’s like to react to gluten. Gluten intolerance symptoms are very specific, not only to the person but also to the amount of gluten ingested, and many people’s symptoms also change over time. But for the curious, you can check out this pretty comprehensive list.

What I am more interested in explaining here is the “how.” How do you live without gluten and not hole up in your apartment, destined to never eat anything other than fruits and vegetables grown in your own backyard…? Fine, that’s a little overboard, but it really can be tough at first. However, it is doable and, with a little work, can easily become just another part of your daily life.

Do Your Research

You must do research in order to understand how to live with this disease. But don’t just go and scour the big bad west of the Internet without a bit of planning and a cautious eye.

There are many exaggerations, lies, and outright scams out there when it comes to anything medical (or, I guess, any topic created). This problem especially applies to gluten intolerance because it has become such a fad to not eat gluten. So instead, here are some tried and true resources to get you started on the right track.

There’s much more out there, and some of it is quite good. Just make sure it’s coming from a reputable source before believing it.

Learn to Love Food Shopping

Raise your hand if you like food shopping. If you’re like me, your hand is firmly plastered to your side because the idea of going into the grocery store at least once a week for tons of specific things is, well, akin to a dental appointment. I’m with you. I feel your pain. And I promise, it gets easier.

Food shopping is important because (1) you need to buy a lot of fresh foods to stay both healthy and gluten-free, and (2) that’s the only way you are going to eat anything that isn’t bland meat, fruits, and veggies.

Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Giant Foods, and Wegmans all have great selections of gluten free products—from pasta to breads to baking goods—it’s all there. Just make sure you also learn to read labels. Many sauces, oils, and even spices have gluten. If in doubt, ask an employee, or consult a trusted list, before you buy.

Cook? Yes, You’ll Have To Do That, Too

For some of you, stepping into the kitchen may bring pure joy. But if you’re the kind of person who prides yourself on your PB&J skills with a side interest in boiling water, then this may take a bit of extra effort. But it’s totally worth it.

There are many great recipe sites and books out there, sharing both original concoctions and plays on traditional meals with the right substitutions. You may not be very good at them at first. That’s fine. It will get easier, just like cooking does in general. Eventually, you will love how easy it is to make your favorite recipes without any gluten at all.

Pro Tip: If you share a kitchen with those who are blessed with a tolerance for gluten-y goodness, it’s good practice to have a separate set of cooking utensils, pots and pans, and baking sheets. Gluten contamination happens all too easily on these surfaces. Also be sure to extensively clean your kitchen counters and other prep areas before and after every use, and also thoroughly clean any shared plates, utensils, or cups. While those who are not as seriously affected by gluten may not find these small contaminations bothersome, those with full-blown celiac disease often get sick from even the smallest interactions. It’s a good habit to learn.

You Have to Be Pickier About Where You Eat Out

The good news is that you don’t have to give up restaurants, happy hours, and late night munching. The bad news is that your favorite spots may or may not still be viable for you. Many more restaurants and other eateries now cater to those of us who can’t eat 98% of their food anyway. Pizza places, burger joints, and sit-down establishments are now dedicating parts of their menus to us. But even then, there are few things to keep in mind.

Here’s how to find the best places that will handle your requests with ease:

  • Call ahead and ask for a manager. They will be able to tell you any accommodations they offer and how broad their options are. While some restaurants have dedicated separate menus, others just modify a couple of their recipes by substituting something for something else. These may be good options, but still be wary. Their kitchen staff may not be as attentive and you’ll need to be extra vigilant in making sure they do it right.
  • Try to be familiar with the menu beforehand. This will save you review time and allow you to more specifically handle working with the staff so that you don’t slow down the whole process. Also, it cuts down on surprises.
  • Tell your waiter or waitress as soon as you are seated that you have a gluten allergy. She’ll ensure you have the proper menu and will tell you if there’s anything you should be aware of. This will also give you more time to work out the details while the rest of your party has time to make their selections. Often, this will even prompt a manager to come over, who will likely be more familiar with the processes of the kitchen and handling food sensitivities. Some restaurants even make this a policy.
  • Be wary. I hate to say it, but no matter what, eating out is a risk for those with gluten sensitivity. Your food is being prepared in the same place as food with gluten, by a busy and sometimes overworked kitchen staff. While there is still a good chance you will have a perfectly fine experience, be ready for the possibility of contamination and side effects. If your symptoms are severe, be extra careful and consider ordering something entirely from scratch that you know will be gluten free. If the chef says that he can’t guarantee that there won’t be contamination, consider whether this will be okay for you. The risk sometimes may be too high.

If you’re not sure where to start looking for gluten-free friendly establishments, check out the Gluten Free Registry. (It’s comprehensive and covers most of the country.) While it is sometimes a bit outdated, and includes old restaurants or forgets new ones, it’s a great starting point and often will help you think of other places that haven’t even crossed your mind.

Learning to live gluten-free may seem overwhelming, frustrating, and downright unfair, but it will get easier. If you stick to your new habits, are extra vigilant, and are above all patient with yourself and those around you, then the habits and routines will fall into place naturally. Gluten-free living doesn’t need to be hard, it just needs to be done right.

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Photo by Jennifer Dorsey

Food

A Tale of Two Kitchens: Living With and Without a Microwave

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The Microwave Oven. Invented in 1947. Described on Wikipedia as a device that “heats food by bombarding it with electromagnetic radiation.” Though it sounds like something out of a comic book, the microwave is in fact a staple for the young professional, the college student, and the lazy cook.

But there is life beyond the microwave oven for these simple folk.

I would know. I lived without a microwave for a year after moving to Los Angeles. And no, I’m not a big cook. If you open my cabinets right now, there is a lot of instant oatmeal. But I had my reasons for refusing to cave for a microwave.

First, they are kind of expensive for an optional appliance. A quick Target.com search puts them at $55+.  After buying furniture, putting down a security deposit, and starting up my electric bill, I didn’t really want to spend that money. When it came down to the Dirt Devil or the microwave, I chose the Devil.

Also, even quick or instant dinners can be made in a conventional oven—even your Lean Cuisine! It does take a bit longer. You actually have to wait for the oven to heat, and it takes 20-40 minutes to cook instead of three. And there were a few times I may have burned my instant dinner because I forgot it was in the oven. (I was too lazy to invest in a good egg timer—okay, I’m still too lazy to invest in a good egg timer.)

In the end, I still found this cooking technique to be better for me. If I came home from an eleven-hour work day hungry, I would throw something in the microwave and wolf it down. But if I actually have to take my time to heat it up, I eat slower for some reason. Maybe my appetite settles during the cooking process. Without the microwave, I would make big casseroles or veggie stir-fries. I could still reheat them in the oven—even egg dishes like Stratta reheat easily.

And don’t fret: you can pop popcorn and make Ramen on the stove. You don’t even need special popcorn! All you have to do is cut open the bag, pour the kernels into a pot, cover it and turn on the heat. If you have a clear glass lid, it’s even more fun! You can watch the kernels ricochet off the sides of the lid. Kernels in the bag should already be salted and oily but for tips on how to pop and season plain old kernels (not from a bag), Recipe Girl has some great tips.

This does not mean microwaves are evil. You might have noticed I said I “used to” live without a microwave. Yes—I have one now. I acquired it when a friend moved cross-country and couldn’t fit it in her car, so it was free. It is nice to have for defrosting things and reheating leftovers. It is also great for steaming vegetables (certain things just don’t taste good when they are grilled in a skillet on the stove).

But I’m happy I had that year to curb my craving to eat instant pizza every day for dinner, just because it was easy and available. And this microwave takes up so much counter space, I frequently consider giving it to someone else, knowing I could live without it!

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Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Food

Wines: Understanding That Shit

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I love wine. No shame. If I could live on a winery, I probably would. There’s nothing about wine I don’t enjoy (except sometimes the morning after drinking it), but I really loathe people who consider themselves connoisseurs. Most of the time when discussing wine, they just sound like they’re speaking their own pretentious language, and I think they give wine a bad name. But I’m here to change that. Wine can be accessible, and delicious, if you just know what you’re looking for! I’m here to give you the down low, so you would-be-winos can select wine for yourselves stress-free.

The easiest way to break down the wine world is into four categories: WHITE, RED, ROSE, and SPARKLING.

All four categories have sub-categories—types of wines that are determined by factors like how long the grapes are fermented, whether they have skin or not, what region they come from, etc. And like how much salt you like with your food, finding which ones are your favorites is definitely going to be a matter of taste. Generally speaking, white, rose, and sparkling wines are all going to be much lighter than red wines, which have a much bolder and denser flavor. But that’s not a fool-proof guide to picking your favorite.

So, let’s talk specifics.

Whites

White wines are generally served chilled and in a narrow glass and are often paired with poultry and seafood. I usually reserve my white wine drinking solely for the summer time because it is great to have a cold glass of wine in the heat, but I know people who drink it all year round. Which brings us to kinds:

My least favorite (but the most popular) white wine is Chardonnay. It is a medium bodied wine that is frequently dry and oaky and pairs well with a wide variety of foods including chicken, pasta, seafood, etc. The oaky flavor occurs if the wine is aged in an oak barrel. I tend to lean towards wines that are aged in stainless steel, which are crisper. There’s just something about most chardonnays that have too much of an earthy taste for my palette, but I know a ton of people who love it. I think this is mostly because you can find a good tasting chardonnay at any price. Despite the quality of the wine, it usually has good flavor.

This is the opposite with a Pinot Gris or Pinot Grigio. This white wine is super light and I find it delicious, but a higher quality pinot gris is the way to go. I think it’s the perfect blend of sweet and tartness, and drinking it reminds me of summer and sunshine. I find that the cheaper ones are either too watery or too acidic, and frequently leave you with a bad headache.

Next on the list to try—Sauvignon Blanc—another light-bodied wine a slightly spicier flavor. It’s sweeter than both Chardonnay and Pinot Gris/Grigio, but it has a dryness that I find really appealing. People either love or hate this wine because of its strong citrus undertones, which leave an interesting aftertaste.

Riesling is the sweetest of the whites, so if you’re looking for something fruity, this is the way to go. I find it’s a really good introduction wine because the flavors are familiar (grape, apple, pear), but it’s not the most complimentary with foods. I’d pair it with salad or fruit.

Reds

Red wine is a little more complicated. It’s served at room temperature and is put in a larger glass, so it can “breathe” or aerate before drinking to help soften the flavor. If the bottle is extremely aged, you’ll need a decanter to really help the flavors settle and breathe before serving, but that’s a bit more advanced drinking. For those new to red wine, let’s talk basics:

The most popular red wines are the Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot—two medium to heavy wines with similar taste profiles. They’re often described as tasting of currants and blackberries and chocolates, but I really think they are just good, dependable red wines. They’re the stepping stone into red wines because of their well-rounded flavor. People frequently talk about tannins when talking about these two wines as well because of how heavy they can be, but what the hell is a tannin?

Tannins are the protein that helps age wine during fermentation, but people who talk about it referring to wine are actually talking about the slightly dry aftertaste. I think people like to talk about tannins because it makes them feel fancy, but it’s another factor that will determine if the wine is your “taste”.

Another wine heavy in tannins is Syrah (or Shiraz), which I think of as the red equivalent to Sauvignon Blanc. It has a spicy, peppery taste that pairs well with red meat and ethnic foods. But be forewarned, you light weights, this might not be the wine for you. It’s got a kick to it, though. So, be prepared for a strong flavor.

If you’re new to red wine but you like whites, I’d recommend a lighter one like a Pinot Noir. As opposed to the darker fruitier taste of the above red wines, Pinot Noir is significantly easier to drink. It’s my favorite to pair with cheese and crackers and makes a great daytime picnic wine.

Honorable mention for my favorite wine – Malbec. It’s not in everyone’s red repertoire, but I am a big fan of this red wine. I find it has the perfect amount of sweetness (kind of plumy) and dryness (there are those tannins again!), but it does take some sampling to find a good one. I’ve found that even within Malbecs themselves, the flavors differ greatly from region to region.

Rose and Sparkling

These two types of wine are exactly what you think they’d be, and they frequently get overlooked.

Rose is simply pink wine, also referred to as Blush. It’s significantly closer to white wine than red in taste, and I find that it’s the perfect drink for a summer evening. I’ve never had a rose that I didn’t enjoy.

Similarly, sparkling wines are carbonated wines that most often derive from white or rose. They range from sweet or “doux” to drier “brut” varieties. Of course, the most popular form of sparkling wine is Champagne. Personally, I think it’s impossible to have bad champagne, and it’s always fun to celebrate with something that pops when you open the bottle. My cheapey favorite? Andre Blush for a whole $3 a bottle. I really know how to class it up, don’t I?

Obviously this isn’t an extensive list of every wine ever created, but it’s enough to help you fake your way through a wine menu with ease. So, now that you have a preliminary guide, how will you know what you like? Experiment, of course!

I’m partial to places like BevMo and Trader Joes that have really helpful staffs. They often have great recommendations, and now that you have a basic wine vocabulary, you’ll be able to articulate what you’re looking for a whole lot easier.

Pro Tip: BevMo is especially concerned about your drinking satisfaction and will let you return an opened bottle. Sounds crazy, right? No joke, one friendly BevMo employee happily reminded my friend this weekend that she could exchange her bottle for something else should it not be to her taste. I don’t think there’s a better deal out there than that!

Now, what are you waiting for? Grab a friend (and a corkscrew) and start drinking! The world of wine is yours for the tasting.

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Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Food

How to Behave in a Restaurant: A Step-By-Step Guide

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This may seem really basic, but unfortunately, it’s not. While I understand that people in this world are, in general, benevolent souls who want only the best for their fellow beings, during my time as a server I didn’t encounter them that often. A lot of our patrons seemed to have not gotten past lessons such as, “Don’t throw your spaghetti on the floor.” (And some people never even got the hang of that.)

I’ll shed some light on the behind-the-scenes of how a restaurant works. Let’s talk basic etiquette!

Walking In

Hopefully, this restaurant has staffed plenty of hostesses, so you will not be kept one unnecessary second from your plate of linguine alfredo. If not, remember that no one is neglecting you on purpose, and wait patiently. But it’s also perfectly acceptable to ask anyone passing by (politely and graciously) if it would be possible to obtain a table. Even if they are not a host, chances are they’ll be able to seat you or at least send the hostess over.

Being Seated

Most restaurants have a rotation system, where hosts seat guests in rotating server sections so that every waiter serves the same number of tables. This way, one server doesn’t get overwhelmed, leaving the rest with nothing to do, and everyone makes about the same amount of money.

Keep this in mind when you request a different table. If it’s a matter of comfort (because of sunlight, booth size, etc.), then absolutely request a different table. If it’s your 50th anniversary and there’s a romantic window view, they will try to accommodate you (but be patient if they can’t: everyone wants the damn window tables). But if you’re having lunch with a blind date, or coworkers, or anything else where placement isn’t essential, try to be happy with the table you’re given.

Waiting to be Greeted

If a server is well-trained, they will do their best to greet you within a minute or two of you sitting. However, even the best servers get busy sometimes. If it seems like a long wait for your server to approach you, it’s ok to ask another server to send someone over, as long as you are (again) polite and gracious.

When the server (probably breathlessly) arrives and greets you, be nice to the poor wretch. You want to have a good time, right? Don’t ruin what could be a perfectly pleasant dining experience just because you had to wait a couple extra minutes for your precious Arnold Palmer.

Ordering

If you say you’re ready to order, make sure it’s true. Read the menu carefully and know what comes on or with the dish. Speak slowly and clearly so they have a chance to note everything. And if you have a super-duper-special order, don’t be embarrassed; just let the server know before you start ordering so they make enough room to write everything down.

If there’s a special order you want, and they can’t do it, let it go. If it’s really important, go ahead and ask your server to check with the chef. Most restaurant employees are happy to do everything they can for you. Have a backup order ready just in case though, don’t make them stand there for five minutes straight while you go “Ummmmmmmmm…” and the patrons at their six other tables are staring holes into the server’s back.

If you decide to change your order, please oh please track down your server to let them know as soon as possible. It’s ideal to catch them before your order is being made so they can rush to the kitchen and inform them so the cooks don’t get backed up. Plus the server has to run and track down a manager to change the check so you don’t get charged for two entrees. The sooner you let them know, the sooner you’ll get the entrée you really want.

Waiting For Your Food

It’s perfectly ok to ask about the status of your order if it seems like it’s taking a long time. However, keep in mind that 90% of the time when the food takes a while it’s because the kitchen is either backed up or you ordered something well-done. Those things are totally out of the server’s hands, so please don’t blame them. Enjoy your drink. Get another round if you want. Breathe.

Eating

As you eat, you may discover you need paper napkins, more water, ranch dressing, whatever. Try to think of all of them at once. Nothing slows a server down more than a group that needs a new thing every time the server walks by. The more efficient a server can be, the better service they can give you.

For the love of all things holy, don’t snap your fingers to get the server’s attention. Servers are not dogs. “Excuse me,” “sir,” “miss,” or a simple index finger in the air are all preferable to snapping, whistling, or (believe it or not) “sweet cheeks,” “honey,” and “beautiful.” Respect goes a long way toward getting a server to like you, and when a server likes you, it can pay off; they are far more willing to go the extra mile for you if you treat them decently.

Speaking of respect: guys, don’t hit on your waitress. Just don’t do it. If you want to be nice, or funny, or charming, go for it. Hey, who knows, she might like you. Anything can happen. But don’t ask for her number, tell her how sexy she looks in her khakis and baggy company t-shirt, or attempt any lame pickup lines. If you continually behave that way, she’s gonna avoid you like you have fleas. Which you actually might.

One more thing: try not to get too drunk. ‘Nuff said.

When You’re Done

The best way to let a server know you’re finished is to put your napkin or other garbage on the plate. It is certainly not expected, although it can be nice, for you to stack your dishes for your server to pick up (although make sure they won’t topple over).

Ask for the proper number of take home boxes to increase efficiency and avoid box waste. (Note: I once worked for a place that had a policy to not send home any leftover happy-hour food. If a server informs you of a policy like that, please don’t blame the server. They’re not withholding boxes from you on purpose, and often there is nothing they can do.)

Ask for the check as soon as you know you won’t be ordering any more, and don’t expect the server to check up on you like they did when you were ordering or eating. The servers have other tables that actually need service. Pay your check promptly and sign the receipt as soon as you get it: your server may be at the end of their shift and your receipt could be what’s keeping them at work, and you don’t want your receipt to keep them overtime. It’s totally ok to enjoy and linger over your drinks or dessert after you’ve paid the check, but be mindful if it’s really busy, a server’s income depends on getting a table turned quickly.

Tipping

Let me tell you a secret: if you’re a good tipper, you will instantly be forgiven for breaking almost any of the other rules in this article. If you’re a pain in the butt and tip well at the end, you are effectively compensating that server for all the extra work they did to take care of your super-special needs. This is acknowledged and respected. If you become a regular who is also a good tipper and the servers at the establishment know this, chances are that you will be introduced to a whole new level of awesome restaurant experiences.

A 15% tip is generally considered pretty standard. That means that you got everything you needed in a relatively timely fashion, and you pretty much enjoyed everything. If there were a couple of little hiccups that didn’t affect your overall enjoyment of the evening, super-cool people will still tip this much.

A 10% tip used to be considered standard, but no longer. A 10% tip is a bare-minimum tip. Your server was…eh, ok, you never got that extra side of ranch even after reminding your server once, it took them a long time to greet you, but at least you got fed and didn’t get over-charged. A 10% tip should be considered a borderline “punishment” tip.

Anything less than 10% means bad times. Only tip this low if it’s justified. Your server was rude, and your order came out wrong and everyone else was done eating by the time they got you a new one. Everything went badly. If you’re really angry, don’t write a nasty note on the tip slip “to inform the server without getting them in trouble,” because the managers see those slips anyway. Go see the manager. If you’re concerned about disciplinary action, go ahead and let the manager know if you don’t feel it warrants any action and you only want to inform them of your experience; they’ll usually take that into account.

A 20% tip is a good tip. Servers will always be happy they served you if you give this. This is appropriate if you got everything you needed and were happy throughout the whole meal.  Anything over 20% is boss. This is appropriate if the server was freakin’ awesome and you want to let them know “Hey, thanks for being amazing even when it’s so busy. I know you were working really hard. Here’s an extra dollar or two to go buy yourself a….well, something that costs a dollar or two.”

If you can’t afford a decent tip, no matter how good the service, don’t go to a tipping establishment. There’s a magical place (called McDonald’s) where you can go instead.

This segment is longer than the other ones because it’s the most important. Sorry, romantics, but in the restaurant biz, money talks.

On Your Way Out

If you had a great experience, let the manager know. They’ll tell the server, and it’s nice to hear that in a world of complainers. (Hopefully after reading this article, none of you are one of those anymore!)

If you had a bad experience, go ahead and accept any free coupons/comps/etc. the manager may offer you, but do not insist on it. It will seem tacky, and you will probably rub the manager the wrong way and they will be less inclined to help you. Servers I know have had tables make up complaints just to get free food. They’re scam artists: don’t be one.

In General

I have always maintained the belief that there are two kinds of people who go out to eat. The first kind is out to have a good time, so they won’t let the little things get to them. They’ll try to enjoy themselves no matter what, and they are always pleasant and wonderful to serve. Then, there are people who go out to eat in order to feel superior. These people will complain over trifles and use restaurant staff as whipping boys for their frustrated lives.

Which one would you rather be?

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Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Food

My Cauliflower Nightmare

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This summer, I was shopping at the farmer’s market and on a whim, decided to buy a head of cauliflower. This may seem pretty lame to some of you—especially those of you who put nettle chips (that you hand-picked from a field and dried yourself) on your salads—but it was pretty gutsy of me!

I don’t eat cauliflower with any regularity. I’m fairly certain my mom had some traumatic experience with cauliflower in her childhood, because we never ate it when I was little, and I have always considered it to be devoid of flavor and nutrients. I mean, what kind of vegetable is white? That can’t be normal.

I brought home my bold purchase, put it in my fridge, closed the door. What had I done? Clearly I needed to find out what exactly this thing was and how I could make it tasty.

So I did what any aspiring cook would do: I Wikipedia-ed cauliflower. I learned that it’s in the brassica oleracea family and related to broccoli and Brussel sprouts (which I love). Cauliflower has lots of vitamin C and fiber while also being low in fat and carbohydrates. Unfortunately, it does not have quite as many vitamins and nutrients as broccoli, but it’s pretty close.

Excited to try this alien vegetable, I consulted the regular resources in my kitchen (because I find the number of recipes online terrifyingly daunting): The Betty Crocker Cookbook New Edition and The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Cookbook (the exact 1980 edition my Mom has). Both had recipes involving boiling or steaming the cauliflower, followed by drenching it in fatty sauces, which sounded pretty foul. But then I remembered that my aunt had given us a cookbook for Christmas, Barefoot Contessa How Easy is That?. Inside I found a recipe for “garlic-roasted cauliflower”—and anything with garlic in the title instantly had me drooling.

I consulted the recipe. I needed:

  • 1 head of garlic, cloves separated but not peeled
  • 1 large head of cauliflower (or two small ones), trimmed, cut into large florets
  • 4 1/2 tablespoons good olive oil
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/4 cup minced fresh parsley
  • 3 tablespoons pine nuts, toasted
  • 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

I didn’t have lemon juice, pine nuts, or fresh parsley, but I did have a garlic clove!

  1. Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.
  1. Bring a small pot of water to a boil and add the garlic cloves. Boil for 15 seconds. Drain, peel and cut off any brown parts. Cut the largest cloves in half lengthwise.

I preheated the oven and started the water boiling for the garlic cloves. Wait what? Boiling the garlic cloves? Unexpected invaluable lesson: boiling them for 15 seconds makes peeling them a heck of a lot easier!

I took my knife and cut off a floret (think snacking on raw broccoli size), I was getting excited about the prospect of my delectable, garlicky cauli—HOLY CRAP, THERE’S A SPIDER IN MY CAULIFLOWER!

I screamed. Actually, to be more specific, I screamed like I was five. (Side note: I have arachnophobia.) I found myself in the living room, clutching my phone, feeling very itchy, and frantically texting my fiancé to come home from work NOW and save me!

Now, I love farmer’s markets, and I understand that there is an inherent risk that my organic, pesticide free produce might have been walked over by buggies. But, there was a spider…a LIVE spider…in my cauliflower.

To help you better understand my state of mind when confronted with a surprise spider attack, these are the first things I thought:

Where are all his spider friends that must also be lurking in my produce?
How did it live in my fridge for 3 days?!
Is it a radioactive super-spider?!

[Editor’s Note: I saved you from the nightmare-inducing photo link that used to be here.]

While I was deciding if it was safe to reenter my kitchen, I started to ponder the pros and cons of continuing this cauliflower adventure. Before I could do anything though, I needed to deal with the spider.

And by deal with it, I mean I waited until my fiancé came home, thoroughly rinsed (by spraying it down with the hose outside—just kidding) and cut up the cauliflower for me. All while I stood a safe distance away…with our sharpest knife…just in case. Thankfully, he found and killed the spider. (Thanks, babe!)

He wasn’t sure that we should proceed but I decided we were going to be adults and see this through.

After satisfying ourselves that there were no more radioactive spiders, that the cauliflower was clean and edible, and that we had enough of the ingredients to make a go of it, we finally continued with the recipe:

  1. On a sheet pan, toss the cauliflower with garlic, 3 tablespoons olive oil, 2 teaspoons salt and 1 teaspoon pepper. Spread mixture out in a single layer and roast for 20 to 25 minutes, tossing twice, until the cauliflower is tender and garlic is lightly browned.

Roasting is super hot and I convinced myself that this would vaporize any potential spider buddies.

  1. Scrape the cauliflower into a large bowl with garlic and pan juices. Add remaining 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil, parsley, pine nuts and lemon juice. Sprinkle with another 1/2 teaspoon salt, toss and serve hot or warm.

Unfortunately, because we lacked some of the ingredients, it didn’t taste all that great. But if I had, I am convinced it would have been splendiforous! I have yet to try cauliflower again but (now that I no longer consider it the mutant of the vegetable world) I intend to soon.

And since I’m still alive and writing this article, I would call it a major step forward in overcoming my arachnophobia!

Well, I still need saving…but I scream less, and not as loud.

IMG_0468

Photo by Elise Lundstrom

Food

Reusing that Jar: Making Whipped Cream

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Okay, let me get this out of the way right now: I’m kind of a hippie. Ok, I am a hippie. I live without a microwave, a working dishwasher, or a hand mixer. I also love to cook. Being a poor grad student, and a little low-tech, but still wanting to try out the latest recipe for mint-lemon crème brûlée (or whatever Martha Stewart is up to these days) means I have to get a little creative in the kitchen.

Whipped cream is one of those delicious accents of sweetness that makes nearly any dessert go from good to mind-blowing. If you’ve ever had homemade whipped cream, then you know it tastes way better than whatever you can squirt out of a can. So, how on earth did Mom, or Aunt Josie, or Grandpa Steve, ever get cream to fluff like the clouds baby angels live on? They probably used an electric mixer. But I’ll tell you a secret: You can use a mason jar instead. (Extra bonus: buffed arms!)

Yes. That’s right. A mason jar. You know, like a jam jar, one of those things that all the hipster kids (including me) are using as drinking glasses and vases right now? They totally make great travel mugs, flower vases, containers for leftovers, and pencil holders… but that’s another article. Or five.

Back to whipped cream—let’s talk about how this works:

What you need:

  • One (clean!) mason jar (or an old tomato sauce jar, applesauce jar, or really any glass jar with a tightly sealing lid)
  • A freezer
  • Heavy whipping cream (often sold in pints, like the mini milk cartons you used to get in elementary school)
  • Powdered sugar (totally optional, often labeled “confectioner’s sugar”)
  • Vanilla extract (also totally optional)

What to do:

1. Put your clean glass jar in the freezer—with the lid off—for 15 to 20 minutes before you need to make the whipped cream. (This step isn’t entirely necessary, but it’ll help your cream get fluffier faster.)

2. Take the jar out of the freezer and fill it no more than halfway full with cream. If you fill it more than halfway, the cream won’t have enough room to expand and won’t reach its optimum fluffiness.

3. Here’s where you can add the powdered sugar and vanilla if you’d like. A tablespoon of powdered sugar should be plenty, but it depends on how sweet you want it to be. (No measuring spoons? A tablespoon comes out to be about as much as a rounded average spoonful.) A teaspoon of vanilla extract is enough (about 1/4 of an average spoonful).

4. Now the exercise comes in! (Who said dessert can’t be healthy?) Screw the lid tightly onto the jar, and shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake that… jar. Vigorously. (Make sure the lid is securely screwed on, otherwise you could end up in the whipped cream version of the Marine World splash zone.) You can even take turns with friends—passing around a jar of cream and making Shake Weight jokes is an excellent way to wait for those brownies to finish baking.

5. The time it takes for your cream to become fluffy goodness depends on how hard you shake that thang and the size of your jar. You’ll know it’s getting close when the cream coats the sides of the jar and makes it hard to tell how full it is.

6. Check after 5 minutes or so of quality shaking, and every few minutes after that. A larger jar—like a quart jar or an applesauce jar—can take a little longer. It’s whipped cream when it’s so fluffy that it doesn’t pour or drip out of a spoon easily. (Sometimes I’m impatient, and I only wait till it’s fluffy but still pourable—a great option if you’re serving it over fruit, ice cream, or pudding, etc.)

Editor’s Note: In an effort to fulfill our goal of road testing some of our articles (and because whipped cream in a jar is ridiculously delicious), Elise and I attempted to follow Heather’s instructions. We discovered that over shaking can lead to undesirable (and inedible) curdling. (Not to be confused with curling—a winter sport popular in Canada.) This can happen quite suddenly. Be careful to check your cream every 15 seconds or so after it starts to coat the sides of your jar. (Seriously, don’t over shake. When you think it’s done—STOP! We can tell you, bickering over the appropriate fluffiness level does not end well.)

7. If you need more whipped cream, spoon and scrape what you’ve got out of the jar into a bowl, wash the jar, and repeat until you have enough for everyone.

8. Enjoy!

What-ifs:

  • If you have leftover whipped cream: store it in the jar or another airtight Tupperware-style container in the fridge. It’ll keep for a few days, but will be iffy after more than a week. Besides, who can let whipped cream sit for that long without devouring it?
  • If you don’t use your heavy whipping cream before the “use by” date: you’re outta luck. I tried freezing my heavy whipping cream once… it was in a glass bottle, and I opened the freezer to find the bottle cracked and frozen to the cream. Then I tried defrosting the cream, even straining out the shards of glass, in an effort to salvage the situation. (I would not recommend this.) It ended up being something in between butter and milk and not all whippable.
  • If you want to get fancy with your whipped cream: go ahead! Experiment with adding a dash of cinnamon or nutmeg when you add the sugar and/or vanilla. (A dash is one shake of the spice jar, if it has a lid with little holes, OR a mound—a little smaller than the size of a dime—in your palm.)
whippedcream

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Food

Give Brussels Sprouts a Chance

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Brussels sprouts (aptly named for their prevalence in Belgium in the 16th century) are often considered the epitome of gross food. Every time a cartoon character has to eat something icky, every time someone wants to complain about a childhood dinner requirement, every time a parent wants to issue a threat to inspire fear into a child’s heart, it always falls on poor, misunderstood Brussels sprouts to be the bad guy.

This is especially unfortunate because it has implanted a dislike of Brussels sprouts in tons of people who have never even eaten them—or at least have never eaten them prepared well! My father was a victim of this stereotype. Unfortunately, my grandma did not know any better than the boiling method. As a result, my brother and I were spared the vegetable growing up and we assumed that if Dad (a foodie and not the least bit picky) didn’t like them, then they must be pretty bad. It wasn’t until I went to college and really started seeking out new recipes and tastes to take advantage of my kitchen when I discovered how tasty these little guys can be! Now I want to eradicate this damaging prejudice from everyone’s hearts, so all can embrace these delicious and healthy little cabbages.

Luckily, we can be the change we want to see in the world here. First, I will tell you the best ways to prepare the sprouts for maximum deliciousness (including some tasty recipes at the bottom). Then, having (hopefully) seen the light, you can prepare and enjoy some delicious Brussels sprouts to share with disbelieving friends.

The trick to enjoying Brussels sprouts is simple: Do not boil or steam them.

Think of the little guys like tofu—would you enjoy tofu, just boiled or steamed in water? No. (Unless, of course, you like bland things, in which case you probably already like Brussels sprouts: rock on!) The deliciousness of tofu comes from sponging up tasty sauces and spices, and the same holds true for Brussels sprouts. You can add whatever you want to them: brown sugar, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper, cinnamon and cloves, Worcestershire sauce, whatever, and they’ll taste delicious.

So here is how to prepare them:

1.  Buy a bag at whatever grocery store/farmer’s market you frequent and give them a good wash in the sink.

2.  Place them on a cutting board and use a nice, sharp kitchen knife to cut off the ends—that’s the whitish, dirty-looking end, not the round leafy one—and chuck that in the trash or compost. If your Brussels sprouts look bigger than you would comfortably eat in one bite, you might want to cut them in half lengthwise as well. This also gives them a nice flat side to sit on the pan and get that lovely, brown, roasted color.

3.  Once they are clean and cut, put them in a bowl and pour in a dollop or two of oil (vegetable, olive, or other). You want just enough to coat the sprouts and keep them from sticking to your pan. Then, add in your flavoring of choice: classic salt and pepper, brown sugar and cinnamon, honey and balsamic vinegar—the possibilities are endless. Mix it all up with a spoon (or your fingers). You want the whole surface of the sprouts covered so they can soak up all of the flavors.Many people favor sautéed Brussels sprouts with garlic and onion, shallots, or a tasty meat like pancetta and bacon (see recipes below).

4.  At this point, I like to sauté the Brussels sprouts for about 5 minutes. Sauté is just a fancy French word for cooking in a pan with a tablespoon or two of vegetable oil on a medium heat, and moving them around a bit with a wooden spoon to keep them from sticking.

5.  After sautéing the Brussels sprouts, I like to put them into a 400º oven for approximately 30 minutes to roast them. When you try this method, keep an eye on them after minute 20 and assess how brown they are: you must take them out when they are chewable, but not burnt. Some folks turn them after 15 or 20 minutes to get an even browning, but I like mine with just the cut side browned.

Alternate Option: Some recipes call for you to sauté the Brussels sprouts until they’re browned to your liking. Then add a few tablespoons of water and continue cooking them for another 8 minutes or so. If you choose this method, be aware of how adding water may affect your flavoring.

6.  Pull them out when they’re to your liking and serve!

Some favorite Brussels Sprout recipes:

Remember there are lots of ways to make Brussels sprouts delicious; so don’t be afraid to try different things until you find something you like!