All posts by Charlotte Lewis

Relationships

10 Red Flags You’re Seeing a Douchebag

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We all have weaknesses. Some people can’t stop themselves from eating a great piece of chocolate cake or buying those way-too-expensive designer shoes.

I, Charlotte Lewis, have a douchebag problem.

I am a sucker for a bad boy with a heart of gold. But the problem is that most bad boys don’t have a heart of gold. Or if they do, it is way too far beneath layers of issues they refuse to take care of. And honestly, in my experience, it’s way more likely they’re just straight-up assholes.

So, to help me (and all those out there like me), here are some sexual red flags I’ve compiled from my last few bad boys. Hopefully, this Douchebag Checklist will help us both steer clear of those not-so-nice guys or girls and remember that there are way better people waiting somewhere for us.

1.  Doesn’t come prepared (no condoms). This is not the most terrible offense, but if I’m taking precautions and spending money on birth control, I don’t think it’s wrong to ask the same of my date. The pill won’t protect you from STIs, and if he’s “forgetting” to bring condoms with you, chances are he’s done it before. But as a modern girl, it doesn’t hurt to have some on standby just in case.

2.  Leaves hickies in places you can’t cover up. Is there anything worse than going into work and having to wear a giant scarf in the dead of summer when it’s 100° outside? People know what’s under there! It’s embarrassing, especially when a coworker asks you if you’re hot and winks at you. True story.

3.  Holds your orgasms over your head. It may sound like a lot of fun at first to have someone constantly try to increase the number of orgasms they can provide you (and to be honest, it is), but after a while, it becomes too much of a game. He can hold “your number” over your head to create a power imbalance, especially when he’s withholding his own orgasm, that’s really not fun at all in the end.

4.  Comes over drunk. Drinking together can be a fun social activity, but coming over at the end of the night, after the drinking is already done? Not cool! I once got called out of bed, on a weekend when my mom was visiting, to pick my guy up from a bar at 1 am. And I went! Because he said he needed me. Oh, jeez—hindsight is 20/20.

5.  You’ve never met his/her friends. Not everyone is going to introduce you to their group of friends right away, but if you’ve been seeing each other for an extended period of time and you have the sneaking suspicion their friends don’t even know you exist? Not the best.

6.  You’re not allowed to sleep over at their place. Even though this guy had slept over in my bed multiple times, I was told that his bed was his sanctuary, and he needed to create a boundary there. Umm… okay.

7.  Pillow talk consists of dissecting their last relationship. We can all be this person from time to time. And it’s totally natural to talk out past relationship woes with a new suitor—in fact, sometimes it can be totally hilarious to swap horror stories. But if you know more about their past relationship than their current life, it is probably time to move on.

8.  Cheated on all their exes (and talk about it freely). Oh my god, this one is the worst! As someone who is looking for a monogamous relationship, the amount of times I’ve heard “I thought we were broken up” or “We were on a break” as excuses for cheating is enough to make me want to never date again. I even once had a guy look me straight in the eye and tell me that he had never not cheated on an ex… as a selling point. I’m sad to say that I still went out with him.

9.  Values their own kinks over your enjoyment. If something doesn’t feel right sexually, I want to be able to speak up. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting and trying new things, but “Hold on, can I please finish?” is never an appropriate response to “Can you wait a second?” (It only happened once, and I never saw him again).

10.  He/she’s a self-proclaimed asshole. This is really the crux of it. Yes, I’m a total sucker for a broken soul, but if someone is upfront with you and tells you from the get-go that they’re an asshole, the chances are they’re not lying. Value their honesty by listening.

Although fictional bad boys are totally swoon-worthy and have inspired the nurturer in me to soothe his pain and coax that sweet boy out from his tough exterior, reality has taught me that those boys don’t necessarily exist. And I’d probably be better off saving myself the pain and heartbreak and looking for a nicer guy next time.

Douchebag Square

Photo by Remi Coin

Style

Five Outfits Every 20-Something Needs in Her Closet

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Ladies, your twenties are all about finding out who you are and making tons of decisions. Among those, trying to come up with outfits every day, sometimes multiple times a day, risking that moment of dread that happens as you peruse your belongings: All your dresses are too casual or too fancy. It’s too cold for bare legs, but still too warm for tights. Your jeans are a decade old, and nothing matches!

If this sounds anything like your inner thought process, listen up, because these five staples are a great starting point for every 20-something’s closet.

1. An interview outfit.

I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of time in my early 20s interviewing for jobs. There’s nothing more exciting than getting that call—but then it hits, that punch to your gut when you realize you have nothing to wear. Eliminate that panic by having a go-to interview outfit. This way, you can focus all your attention on mentally prepping for your interview (and updating your portfolio), instead of wasting effort on scrambling to put together an outfit.

But, not every job is going to require the same kind of outfit, so make sure you know what your industry dress code is. I once got the advice that you should be dressing for the job you want, not the job you’ll get. For example, I go to work every day wearing jeans, but my designated interview outfit is a dress, boots, and a blazer.

Pro Tip: Don’t be afraid to show off your personality with your accessories (purse, shoes, jewelry), but do keep your interview outfit on the conservative side. Too-short hemlines and cleavage-baring necklines aren’t professional: there’s a place for them, but not at an interview!

For a more in-depth look, check out “Hirin’ Attire: Job Interview Wardrobe Tips.”

2. An LBD and FMPs.

My two favorite acronyms: Little Black Dress and Fuck Me Pumps. Don’t roll your eyes. Just accept it for what it is. Every woman should have them.

No matter your style, a little black dress is an important wardrobe item. It can be used for practically any event – dates, nights out on the town with the girls, dinner parties, weddings, etc. The dress can reflect your personality: there’s no “right” LBD, just the right one for you.

FMPs are equally important. These are the shoes that make your legs look amazing, and you feel like a super model in them. These are the shoes that your date sees and immediately thinks about defiling you… with the shoes on. Even if you think heels aren’t necessarily for you, give them another try. Heels come in all kinds of heights and styles, and I’m sure you can find a great pair that gives you that extra boost.

Pro Tip: Invest in a pair of Dr. Scholl’s cushioned insoles for your FMPs. They will change your thoughts about heels and discomfort forever.

3. Jeans that show off your assets.

I’m sure you already have jeans in your closet, but everyone should have a great pair that can make any outfit.

Keep the following in mind:

  • First, they should be dark wash. Light wash jeans were all the rage in the 80s; medium wash in the 90s; but, dark wash jeans are here to stay. They’re the most flattering: they’re slimming and stream-lining, and they can be paired with any top in all the lands. Dress them up with a silky top for night, or wear a tank top, and flip flops for a warm day.
  • Second, they should be tailored. Make sure you get jeans that fit. No matter what your body type is, there is a pair of jeans out there for you, waiting for you to find them. When you try them on, make sure you use a 360° mirror to check out what you look like from every angle. If they’re long, pay a few extra dollars and get them hemmed. It really does make a difference.
  • Last, they should be nice. Use your own discretion as to what that means, but I have converted even my most frugal friends to the ways of designer jeans, because they fit better and last longer. Designer jeans are made from better material, so they won’t wear out in a few months like non-brand ones.

Pro Tip: If you’re not willing to shell out big bucks (or you simply can’t afford it), places like Loehmann’s or Nordstrom Rack frequently have great brands on sale. Or, go try on an expensive pair in the store to find the size/style for you, then buy them cheaper online at Bluefly, Overstock, or eBay. Used clothing stores like Buffalo Exchange or Plato’s Closet are also good places to try if you don’t mind doing a little hunting.

4. A matching set of sexy bra and underwear.

As a 20-something, it’s highly likely you are either dating or in a relationship. And there may come a point where you’ll take your clothes off in front of someone else. When the time comes, don’t be wearing old, threadbare, or mismatched underwear. It’s important to have a sexy set that makes you feel confident—something that you’d want to show someone else.

It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it doesn’t have to be crazy risqué. No need for a red, lacy, see-through set: just have something that makes you feel sexy and self-assured. I actually feel more attractive when I wear matching underwear, so I’ve invested in several matching sets for a daily basis. But, I still have a different “fancier” set for special occasions.

5. A cozy pair of sweats.

In stark contrast to fancy undergarments, it’s equally important to have a cozy pair of sweats to wear around the house. Your twenties can be hectic, and sometimes, my favorite activity is just staying in all day and catching up on TV. The best thing for those days is a pair of comfy sweats.

I have a friend who was in such dire need of them (and so ready to get out of her jeans), she stopped in the middle of a road trip to get a pair from Target. She now changes into them as soon as she gets home from work each day.  Your sweats should be the most comfortable thing you can imagine putting on after a long day at the office. Or the perfect thing to wear while reading on the couch, drinking tea, and snuggling with your dogs (you just got an insider look at my Saturdays).

Because, really, your 20s are all about finding what makes you comfortable and learning how to balance that with how you present yourself to the outside world. And, while learning how to be your best self, it’s important to look the part.

OutfitsHero

Photo by Charlotte Lewis

Food

Wines: Understanding That Shit

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I love wine. No shame. If I could live on a winery, I probably would. There’s nothing about wine I don’t enjoy (except sometimes the morning after drinking it), but I really loathe people who consider themselves connoisseurs. Most of the time when discussing wine, they just sound like they’re speaking their own pretentious language, and I think they give wine a bad name. But I’m here to change that. Wine can be accessible, and delicious, if you just know what you’re looking for! I’m here to give you the down low, so you would-be-winos can select wine for yourselves stress-free.

The easiest way to break down the wine world is into four categories: WHITE, RED, ROSE, and SPARKLING.

All four categories have sub-categories—types of wines that are determined by factors like how long the grapes are fermented, whether they have skin or not, what region they come from, etc. And like how much salt you like with your food, finding which ones are your favorites is definitely going to be a matter of taste. Generally speaking, white, rose, and sparkling wines are all going to be much lighter than red wines, which have a much bolder and denser flavor. But that’s not a fool-proof guide to picking your favorite.

So, let’s talk specifics.

Whites

White wines are generally served chilled and in a narrow glass and are often paired with poultry and seafood. I usually reserve my white wine drinking solely for the summer time because it is great to have a cold glass of wine in the heat, but I know people who drink it all year round. Which brings us to kinds:

My least favorite (but the most popular) white wine is Chardonnay. It is a medium bodied wine that is frequently dry and oaky and pairs well with a wide variety of foods including chicken, pasta, seafood, etc. The oaky flavor occurs if the wine is aged in an oak barrel. I tend to lean towards wines that are aged in stainless steel, which are crisper. There’s just something about most chardonnays that have too much of an earthy taste for my palette, but I know a ton of people who love it. I think this is mostly because you can find a good tasting chardonnay at any price. Despite the quality of the wine, it usually has good flavor.

This is the opposite with a Pinot Gris or Pinot Grigio. This white wine is super light and I find it delicious, but a higher quality pinot gris is the way to go. I think it’s the perfect blend of sweet and tartness, and drinking it reminds me of summer and sunshine. I find that the cheaper ones are either too watery or too acidic, and frequently leave you with a bad headache.

Next on the list to try—Sauvignon Blanc—another light-bodied wine a slightly spicier flavor. It’s sweeter than both Chardonnay and Pinot Gris/Grigio, but it has a dryness that I find really appealing. People either love or hate this wine because of its strong citrus undertones, which leave an interesting aftertaste.

Riesling is the sweetest of the whites, so if you’re looking for something fruity, this is the way to go. I find it’s a really good introduction wine because the flavors are familiar (grape, apple, pear), but it’s not the most complimentary with foods. I’d pair it with salad or fruit.

Reds

Red wine is a little more complicated. It’s served at room temperature and is put in a larger glass, so it can “breathe” or aerate before drinking to help soften the flavor. If the bottle is extremely aged, you’ll need a decanter to really help the flavors settle and breathe before serving, but that’s a bit more advanced drinking. For those new to red wine, let’s talk basics:

The most popular red wines are the Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot—two medium to heavy wines with similar taste profiles. They’re often described as tasting of currants and blackberries and chocolates, but I really think they are just good, dependable red wines. They’re the stepping stone into red wines because of their well-rounded flavor. People frequently talk about tannins when talking about these two wines as well because of how heavy they can be, but what the hell is a tannin?

Tannins are the protein that helps age wine during fermentation, but people who talk about it referring to wine are actually talking about the slightly dry aftertaste. I think people like to talk about tannins because it makes them feel fancy, but it’s another factor that will determine if the wine is your “taste”.

Another wine heavy in tannins is Syrah (or Shiraz), which I think of as the red equivalent to Sauvignon Blanc. It has a spicy, peppery taste that pairs well with red meat and ethnic foods. But be forewarned, you light weights, this might not be the wine for you. It’s got a kick to it, though. So, be prepared for a strong flavor.

If you’re new to red wine but you like whites, I’d recommend a lighter one like a Pinot Noir. As opposed to the darker fruitier taste of the above red wines, Pinot Noir is significantly easier to drink. It’s my favorite to pair with cheese and crackers and makes a great daytime picnic wine.

Honorable mention for my favorite wine – Malbec. It’s not in everyone’s red repertoire, but I am a big fan of this red wine. I find it has the perfect amount of sweetness (kind of plumy) and dryness (there are those tannins again!), but it does take some sampling to find a good one. I’ve found that even within Malbecs themselves, the flavors differ greatly from region to region.

Rose and Sparkling

These two types of wine are exactly what you think they’d be, and they frequently get overlooked.

Rose is simply pink wine, also referred to as Blush. It’s significantly closer to white wine than red in taste, and I find that it’s the perfect drink for a summer evening. I’ve never had a rose that I didn’t enjoy.

Similarly, sparkling wines are carbonated wines that most often derive from white or rose. They range from sweet or “doux” to drier “brut” varieties. Of course, the most popular form of sparkling wine is Champagne. Personally, I think it’s impossible to have bad champagne, and it’s always fun to celebrate with something that pops when you open the bottle. My cheapey favorite? Andre Blush for a whole $3 a bottle. I really know how to class it up, don’t I?

Obviously this isn’t an extensive list of every wine ever created, but it’s enough to help you fake your way through a wine menu with ease. So, now that you have a preliminary guide, how will you know what you like? Experiment, of course!

I’m partial to places like BevMo and Trader Joes that have really helpful staffs. They often have great recommendations, and now that you have a basic wine vocabulary, you’ll be able to articulate what you’re looking for a whole lot easier.

Pro Tip: BevMo is especially concerned about your drinking satisfaction and will let you return an opened bottle. Sounds crazy, right? No joke, one friendly BevMo employee happily reminded my friend this weekend that she could exchange her bottle for something else should it not be to her taste. I don’t think there’s a better deal out there than that!

Now, what are you waiting for? Grab a friend (and a corkscrew) and start drinking! The world of wine is yours for the tasting.

WineHero

Photo by Meaghan Morrison

Relationships

Expectations vs. Realities: Dating

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Dating.

It seems like such a foreign word, conjuring thoughts of Pleasantville and getting pinned and going steady. I don’t know when it happened, perhaps with the advent of technology (most specifically social networking), but the process of dating is a journey lined with hurdles and nothing like the idealized (essentially fictionalized) version we think of.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard the phrase: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince (or princess, as the case may be).” But the problem with that advice is that everyone focuses on the idea of finding their prince(ss), as opposed to kissing those hundreds of frogs. Why would they? Let’s be honest–it’s a messy process.

So, let’s break it down.

You’ve met a guy. He’s cute. You’re interested. He’s interested. Seems like it should be a no-brainer from there, right?

Wrong.

Of course it’s not that easy.  If it were that easy, Sex and the City wouldn’t have been on the air for six seasons and Cosmopolitan wouldn’t have any readers.

Dating is supposed to be the process through which two people find out if they’re compatible enough to start a relationship with each other. However, what it’s turned into is a series of false hopes and constant miscommunications that’s never as easy as your average romantic comedy would let you believe. But it CAN be fun. I promise!

Expectation #1: He knows you’re interested, and he’ll make a move.

The reality is, unless there has been confirmation from multiple people, he probably has NO clue that you’re into him.  This part of dating is the absolute worst. It feels like middle school and waiting impatiently for a crumpled note that reads, “Check Y or N, DO U LIKE ME?” to make its way back to you with an answer. During this time, your friends are going to have a ton of “useful” advice that might help or just delay whatever union is going to happen. So here’s what I say: screw it. If you’re interested, why wait for the confirmation? Be the first one to speak up. If he thinks the words, “I like you,” are too scary to hear, you’re better off not going out in the first place. And, if he likes you too, he might be totally relieved you took the pressure of saying it first off and thank you for it.

So, you’ve confirmed you like him, and he likes you. And you’ve made a move. Or he’s made a move. Regardless, a move has been made. Smooth-ish sailing so far…

Expectation #2: He’ll make plans to see you.

Reality Check: He wants to make plans to see you. I’m sure he really, really does. But there are so many scheduling factors fighting against you.  Work, sleep, friends, family, the list goes on. And balance isn’t always everyone’s forte. Thankfully, we live in a time where phones and the Internet are available, and until you can meet face-to-face, this isn’t a bad way to keep communication going. So try not to stress. If he’s into you (and you’re into him), you’ll find the time to see each other.

Expectation #3: If your plans with him are a priority, his plans with you are a priority.

Not always. It’s the beginning, and things are going to happen slowly. Try not to get impatient, as impossible as that may sound. But sitting, staring at your phone, wondering if he’s lost interest or if his schedule really is that packed isn’t going to make him make plans with you any faster. If anything, pestering him may make him want to make plans with you less.

Frustration Solution: Find a safe friend to vent to and distract yourself with commiserating.

Expectation #4: You share the same ideas about sex.

This is the worst one to assume and most often the one that causes the most problems. Unless you’ve talked about it beforehand, you’re more than likely not on the same page. Doesn’t mean you can’t be, but you need to start with some very important questions. The first one being: if you sleep together, does that mean you’re exclusive? Does it make things more serious? Follow up: what kind of protection are we using? Second follow up: how would you handle an accidental pregnancy?

Boys, have you stopped breathing yet? If you have, good. And listen up. These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my mind when dealing with sex. I know that STDs aren’t gender exclusive, but until you have to worry about getting knocked up, you can’t really understand. This is why I, for one, take sex as a serious step. So ladies, if this is true for you too—for the love of your ovaries (and sanity)—TALK ABOUT IT FIRST. A casual, “Hey, if we sleep together, we’re using a condom and I don’t want you seeing other people,” will suffice. Then, you’ve said your piece and given him the opportunity to go all in or back out. Because even if sex isn’t a casual thing for you, doesn’t mean it’s NOT for him.

Pro Tip: Please make sure your clothes are still on at this point. I have it on good authority that once clothes are off, people stop comprehending words and just hear noises (and will pretty much nod at anything just as long as it means you’ll stay naked).

Expectation #5: You’re both available and interested in a relationship.

You both like each other. You’ve gone out. Maybe you’ve slept together. You’ve successfully started dating! Yay?

Final Reality Check: Make sure you’re on the same page about where things are going. If you’re interested in a relationship and he’s looking for someone to call for a convenient hook up, it’s not going to work out. If he’s still into his ex and looking for a rebound, do you really want to keep seeing him? Oh, and if he has a significant other who “knows about you, and is totally fine with it, but still refuses to introduce you,” run as fast as you can.

If any of the above is true, don’t fret. After all, that’s what tequila’s for. And if that doesn’t help, don’t forget there are a few hundred more frogs out there ready to be kissed, too.

Photo by Michelle White

Style

Wax on Wax off: The Bikini Wax

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Many women hear the words “bikini wax” and cringe, blush, and/or clutch at their nether regions. A visceral reaction to hot wax and hair removal “down there” is expected, but a bikini wax isn’t something to be feared—it can be life changing. If you’ve ever been curious as to how to go about getting a bikini wax, let’s break it down:

I’ve been to many waxing places in my days and have had a multitude of experiences, and it takes some trial and error to find a place you like. Don’t underestimate the power of Yelp. Type in “bikini wax” to find reviews of good places in your location. I go to a special waxing-only salon in Beverly Hills, but I’ve found most hair salons and nail salons also have waxing beauticians. Spas also have waxing options, but I’ve found they’re usually overpriced and under-trained. Once, you’ve found a salon, call and book your appointment just like you would schedule a haircut.

What kind of bikini wax do you want?

Yes, there are KINDS. The different choices refer to the amount of hair being waxed off: Do you want it all gone? Mostly gone? Or just cleaned up a little? If this is your first bikini wax, I’d recommend starting off slow. Remember, if you’ve been shaving (or au natural) the hair has a very old root, so—I’m not going to lie to you—it’ll hurt. I recommend going for a standard bikini wax, just a bit off the sides and top. (You can always go back and remove more.) Or if you’re feeling more advanced, try a full bikini wax with a landing strip (which is exactly what it sounds like), or go bald and get a Brazilian (my personal preference). Remember, if you get too ambitious, and belatedly decide a Brazilian’s not for you, the greatest (or worst) thing about hair is that it grows back. Cost wise, the more hair you wax off, the more you’ll have to pay. Ranging from about $20-$50.

Do you have to do anything to prep?

If you already do your own personal maintenance, let your hair grow out to at least a half an inch, so there is enough to wax. If you’ve never groomed in your life, that’s totally fine, just make sure to tell your aesthetician (aka waxer). Remember: the more frequently you wax, the less and finer your hair will grow back, making it easier on both you and your waxer.

Regardless of your prior maintenance, when you meet your waxer, make sure you tell them that this is your first bikini wax. They’ll help minimize the pain for you by waxing faster in smaller sections. It’s their job; they don’t want you to suffer through it!

Take some steps to ease the pain:

  • Strategically schedule your appointment. Try not to get waxed the week before or after your period, as you’re more sensitive to pain during that time. Also, keep in mind that your pain threshold goes up as the day goes on, so be sure to schedule your appointment is in the late afternoon when your tolerance is at its highest.
  • Take an Advil or two about 45 minutes before waxing to help reduce your pain.

What does one wear to get a bikini wax?

My bikini wax shy friends always think the most embarrassing part is stripping down and having someone prod around their business. The most important thing to remember is: your waxer has been seen it all before—they are professionals, this is is their job. But, if you are still nervous, there are ways to get around total exposure. If you decide to go for a standard bikini wax, you can leave your undies on, which is why I recommend it for first timers, who are most likely to be intimidated by getting naked. But for those of you willing to go all the way, I’d suggest wearing a dress, or something similar, that won’t require you to feel so exposed. It’s good to let yourself “breathe” post-wax and a dress is great for that, too!

How long will it take?

Bikini waxes are quick (fifteen to twenty minutes) so you won’t be naked for long. But if you think you will feel super self-conscious, bring a distraction. Phones are the easiest, in my opinion. When I first started off, I would read on my phone and be done before I’d even read through a single chapter.

What do you do afterwards?

No sex, working out, or wearing leggings for the first day after your wax. All three can hurt and cause ingrown hairs because of the amount of friction against your baby-soft new skin.

But the best part? Don’t worry about booking another appointment for another 4-6 weeks, depending on how fast your hair grows. That means that two bikini waxes will suffice for an entire summer! (Compare that to shaving twice a week.) Efficient, right?

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Photo by Meaghan Morrison